Hellobee Boards

This is so interesting, thanks for posting. Timely for me as well sine just an hour ago my MIL and husband were talking about how much "better" and "smarter" my son is (which is insane, he's 6 months) and that he's the "boss" in his music class (equally ridiculous). Some of it is said jokingly, but on the whole they are a very narcissistic family so I think they do believe it. Something my husband and I argue about regularly. So I worry that they will breed this narcissism in him. I just sent him this article hoping it helps.

I took the test as if my oldest was 8. I was in the lowest 2.8% of thinking my child is special. I do think she has some interesting and unique traits, but I don't think she "makes the classroom more fun" or deserves special treatment".

I do think that in one or two categories, she's ahead if the curve (reading/language), but I'm able to parse that apart from her otherwise very average traits.

While I do think my child is very intelligent for his age, I definitely wouldn't say I think he is "better" or more "special" than any other child. I mean, he is to ME, but not in the general sense. He has his strengths and faults just like anyone else.

I don't think my baby is better than anyone else's! But of course I think she is the most special baby to me! I grew up in a culture/home where praise is not heard often and we are motivated usually by critique instead. So I really want to always let LO know how special she is and how proud we are of her, but of course be mindful that it doesn't inflate her ego!

@jh524: I hate to argue but I'm pretty sure MY child is the most amazing and the cutest. lol

I think T has hung the moon for me, but I don't think he's any more special than other children besides typical parental bias. He has a significant gross motor delay and is in the average range for everything else. He's only 1 though.

This is very interesting to me. Thanks for posting.

@MOMTOLITTLEB: my kid is like this, and has been professionally evaluated. Until then, I under-evaluated her. Do I think she's better? No. She's different. Do I think she's awesome? Of course, she's my baby. And she's also very difficult in many ways.

I'm not sure why advanced means "better" or "more deserving" to so many people in our culture in the first place.

@blackbird: I had the opposite - very little praise from parents, never felt like I was good enough and I always doubted myself when I should've been more confident in my abilities (still do sometimes...).

Of course I think J's the greatest, but I'm trying to find the line of supporting/encouraging and putting him on a pedestal.

@rachiecakes: @rachiecakes: Oh yeah there's a line for sure! You can praise too much, you can praise too little...it's like Goldilocks, lol. But narcissism goes far beyond praise and thinking you're epically more awesome than others. Confident but not cocky....it's a tough balance to strike.

Of course I do! But in a way that I think every parent is completely in love with their child. I mean, I could write rhapsodies about how cute their toes are. And another kids toes? Meh.

That doesn't mean I think they are better, though. Some things they are better at, somethings worse. I believe every kid has the same value. I just think ine are the cutest. And I would expect every other parent on the planet to disagree with me!

I found this really interesting when I heard it on NPR. I do think parental actions create the "special snowflake" phenomenon. I see it played out almost everyday with college students. I love my kid and he's special to me but he's not more deserving of anything than any other child.

I'm really not a fan of labelling kids as "special". I'd rather instill in them a feeling of commonality and connection with other humans.

I have never liked when a relative used the word "advanced", "genius", "good kid", because what's the alternative? So I would always redirect her and say no, I think he's trying hard, I caught him in a good moment, all kids are like that, he's resilient.

So I'll admit it - I think my son is special. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's sweet and cuddly. Daycare teachers try to call "dibs" on him. He's flexible and is generally easy to do things with, like eating out. Every day he's learning more words and amazes me with how much he understands.

This is not to say he's perfect, he definitely has his bad days. And maybe no one else sees him as special, that's ok. As his mom I know I'm biased. I don't want to go overboard with it, but I want to instill confidence in my son. My parents didn't really do that for me and I always felt like I couldn't measure up to my near-genius brother.

@Anagram: Yessss to everything in your last post. I had 5 year old student tell me today (and I'm quoting), "I don't need to come to pre-k anymore because I've already gotten my education." He'd been to preschool and his mom believes he should be in kindergarten but because of his birthday, he didn't make the cut-off. He had been misbehaving, got in trouble, and then spouted off all this attitude about how he was too smart for pre-k. Meanwhile, his mom makes excuses for him EVERY time I call her/send a note home about his behavior. He's got a nasty attitude and is very disrespectful. And he's FIVE.

I think that my daughter is quite bright and inquisitive, and very verbally advanced for 3. But not 'more special', ugh. I would NEVER tell my daughter that she was smarter or more special than other children! I make sure to praise attributes that she can control, like her curiosity, her really large desire to understand why why why, stuff like that.

@Anagram: just curious- is your training in special ed and/ or gifted ed?

A lot of public school programs confuse high-achieving and gifted to mean the same thing. I think a lot of peope may not understand that there's a difference between high-achieving and gifted, and not all high-potential (gifted) kids, perform well in school. One can be both gifted and high-achieving, but often it also doesn't happen that way. *Many* gifted kids are twice exceptional (2E), which means on top of advanced intellect, they have issues such as ADHD, Autism, Asperger's, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, etc. It doesn't mean they still don't need advanced/ different stimulation. Making mediocre grades and being challenged in an advanced program, is preferable to dropping out, which gifted kids do in droves: the national rate for high school drop outs is about 12%. It's 18-25% for gifted students. There are many more needs than advanced curriculum, that gifted kids have, but at least being stimulated and around like-minded peers can cut back on the acute feeling of being so different and huge problem of depression among the gifted. In my experience, knowing many parents of gifted kids, they don't fight so hard for their kids to be in gifted programs for the label. The label is a misnomer. They do it because they are desperate for their kids to make it through school, and don't know what else to do.

A little off-topic, I know, and I'm not debating your student was misplaced, he could have been, but I think there are also a lot of misunderstandings that surround the gifted population, and they can be as detrimental to these kids, as can be being placed on the wrong track.

@lilteacherbee: RE the 5 year old: kids that act out and are diagnosed with ADHD, or labeled with behavioral problems, especially boys, often are gifted. Should he be cocky about it? No. But he's very possibly going home and crying he hates school every day, and his mom is probably just as frustrated. I don't know your student, but there are on average, 1-2 gifted kids per standard class size. I witnessed my sister sob that she hated school and everyone was stupid, as a very little kid. My mom didn't tell her that, and my mom advocated for her to start K early as well. She couldn't jump rope, so the school system wouldn't let her accelerate. She changed schools 6 times as a result, because nowhere fit her, and my parents didn't know what else to do.