Hellobee Boards

@rahlyrah: No no no no no! You are poking holes in my one and done argument with DH. hahaha! Your post just made me feel super guilty that I may somehow be depriving C.

To answer your question... No. I'm pretty sure my sister and her husband want kids, but not sure how many. My baby factory is closed.

@grizz: If it makes you feel any better, DH has two best friends who are only children. They've both experienced family tragedies within the past few years and it was amazing how their core group if friends swept in and took on the role of "family." DH uses that as part of his one-and-done argument!

Interestingly, my sister and I were just saying that she could have just one (she has a 13-month-old right now), and I could have just one, and then it wouldn't *really* be like they were only children. (We are close and live close to each other.)

We were just joking, as I know she plans on at least one more, and our tentative plan is to have two, but at the same time, it does comfort me to think that, if, for whatever reason, we each only had one, the two of them would have each other.

@grizz: I think only children develop their own "families"! My youngest sister's best friend since she was 3 is an only child and sort of just became our 4th sister. We still call her that. She's still super involved with our family. She will never be without family in that way.

Our LO won't have cousins close in age or geography, but I'm not that worried. I have lots of cousins (mom and dad were each one of four kids in their families) but I'm not close to any of them. My BFFs are like sisters to me so they are the ones I'd call on for support when needed, more so even than my brother, who is 8 years younger than me. I think we will have a second child eventually, but even if we don't, we have lots of friends nearby with kids about DD's age and I hope they will become surrogate cousins for her!

I voted to go to a nap, pregnant lady

The problem with this line of thinking is that there is no real answer you can satisfy yourself with if you start down that road. You can’t guarantee that your children will be close friends; you can’t guarantee that both will step up to the plate to take care of you when you’re older and help each other shoulder that burden – what if they live on opposite coasts? What if one has family/financial trouble of their own at that time? What if one just turns out to be a dick? All very possible outcomes.

Plus, if you’re having more than 1 in order to set up some sort of future security net/happiness for yourself/your first child…well, then you have to have more than just 2 kids. What if something happens to the first or second? What if the first or second decides not to be involved with their siblings as an adult? Either case essentially leaves you back at square one, with an “only child”. So, do you have 3 then? 4?

TL;DR: no, no one else’s family plans factor into our family plans.

I wouldn't say it was a main consideration, but the fact that our siblings are no where near having kids definitely made me think that I wanted a second close in age to our first. Regardless we wanted more kids but this was something that I thought of more in terms of timing.

I've considered that of the cousins he regularly sees (on D's side), the one closest in age to him is still almost 6 years older than he is. It won't matter when they're adults, but when they're all children it will, to an extent. There's definitely part of me that wants a second baby just so there'll be a child closer in age to him, but it's not really dictating our family planning, just one of many considerations that ultimately isn't weighted very heavily.

@yoursilverlining: This, all of this.

We would like two, potentially three children. We'd be fulfilled with our daughter, if we're unable to conceive again, or couldn't afford adoption costs. Our family plans are personal, and not impacted by others. DD has six cousins already, so we feel no pressure to produce more, or hesitations to stop at one.

Absolutely! DH and I are both only children so our kids will never have cousins (sad I know). I really want them to be able to have other family around, especially to help out when DH and I are older (right now all care of our parents and an uncle falls to us since we're the only two kids around). I'm not trying to hedge my bet and make sure someone is around to take care of us, I'm trying to ensure that they will have other family around to support *them* in this journey. Being an only is lonely some times and having a BFF who is an only child is great--we're like sisters to each other --but she's just not family.

I know we can't guarantee our kids will be friends (or even like each other for that matter), but I feel bad not providing them with a familial support system in any way.

I've thought about it. DH and I are both the oldest. I'm one of 13 cousins, and he's one of a TON. Like he's got 8 aunts and uncles on one side, and they all had 3-6 kids. I can't keep track of how big his family is!

His brother & wife are 5 years younger than us & swear they aren't having children. Ever. My brother got married this summer and they want a family, but are just getting settled in new careers & a big move. My sister just graduated college and got a full time job. Unless he long-term boyfriend is planning something, I don't see marriage in her immediate future.

My husband grew up far away from his cousins, though. He didn't grow up with them and they aren't close. My whole family grew up here so I was close to my cousins whether I liked it or not! My brother, sister and I live in three different states so we won't have that opportunity with our kids.

I had this exact convo the other day. I want LO to have cousins but one way or another it looks like all of our kids will be many years older than their cousins. One of my sisters has a serious boyfriend who wants kids, but they are still a few years away from that! I don't want LO to be all alone someday.

I've thought about this. My brother is almost 30 and hasn't even brought a girl home for us to meet. DH's bro is 30 and neither has he! SIL's baby on the way will be LO's only family if we decide to call it quits. But she has twin second cousins just a few months older (in a different country, but still) and a ton of 2nd cousins from DH's side of the family.

My grandpa passed away not too long ago and as I was working on his memorial service, I listed all the grandchildren and great-grandkids. Like you said, we're not going to be around forever ... the thought of her being alone for that makes me sad. But at the same time, it's a little silly to let it truly affect our family planning. Same with the cousin situation. They might not even get along!

But I have no doubt that my daughter will be surrounded by people that love and care about her. A sibling would be a plus, but IMO, not a necessity.

Honestly, yes. My husband's sister has two children and she's done. My brother tells me all the time that he doesn't plan to get married or have children, so I'm not expecting anything there. I know that when my mom died, my brother and I really leaned on each other and our extended family helped a huge amount. So I do feel like I need to give my daughter a sibling if I can.

I've thought about it in the sense that I want my brother's future kids to be close to our kids and hope that they'll try for babies in the next five years or so (he's planning on proposing this year)... but not in the sense that it affects the # of children we'd like to have (3)

Kind of... but not in the same way as you. It was more related to timing. Since my brother, sister and I all married within a few years of each other we talked about how cool it would be to be pregnant together and what a blessing it would be to have cousins close together. None of us had cousins near our age, but us siblings are all really close. We spend a lot of time together, so our kids will spend a lot of time together.

My sister got pregnant six months before me and it was super fun sharing that together and now our boys have so much fun together. Then, totally by accident, my brother's wife and my sister were pregnant at the same time. So we have boys within 6 months of each other, and two girls within 6 weeks of each other. Sure, most of it was accidental, but I've considered too - when I have another one, will another of my sibs have another kid around the same time? Maybe it's because we all missed the cousin thing - so we would love that for our kids. Obviously there is no guarantee they'll be close and I get that. But the fact is as a family we spend a lot of time together. If I have another child, the timing will be what's right for my individual family, but I can't say I don't think about the rest of my family.

I've thought about this. I don't think my brother will be having children, if he does, it would be a huge surprise and I don't see it happening any time soon. That leaves BIL & SIL. I do not want a relationship with BIL and he's not in a serious relationship, and while I enjoy spending time with SIL on occasion, I don't see her having a LO for at least a few years (her partner doesn't live in the same country currently) & I'm not sure where she'll be at then. I had a lot of cousins growing up and loved it, it makes me sad to think we might not have that.

They don't factor in regarding how many I will have but I suppose they have a little influence on when. I've always been close to my extended family so I'd love for my kids to be friends with their cousins and have someone to play with around Christmas and other family times as well. At the moment I have Hunter who is 4 months and his cousin Theo is 8 months. We also have close friends who have a son who is 1 in a couple of weeks. We're all clucky again so if we all had babies around the same time again that'd be awesome!