I know this is controversial! There was a segment on it on GMA today. I'm interested in hearing everyone's stance on this!
I'm a yes, if it's deserved, but not ever out of anger and never to harm.
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Nope, I got spanked all the time and I can tell you it had no effect on me. Maybe there is a right and wrong way to do it though. My mom just had a bad temper and liked to spank me for the littlest things.
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I'm a yes too.
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I started off as a yes when I was younger, but I've learned so much about discipline and parenting that I now think that there are better ways.
My dad spanked me once, and I literally spent a year or two thinking about how to get revenge.
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@mrbee: how old were you? I don't plan on spanking hard. Just hard enough that it stings. Also, I think there's definitely an age limit to spanking.
who knows if I will though.. I can't even spank my dog.
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@mrbee: how hard were you spanked?? Wow...my Dad used his belt on me a few times but never really hard and only after I was exceptionally horrid....
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@chopsuey119: It was in elementary school.
What turned me off to spanking was reading that a lot of kids have revenge fantasies. That was totally me! I didn't learn anything, other than how to motivate someone to take revenge!!
Don't get me wrong though. I am going to be super tough with the kids!
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Yes. Only when deserved, never with anything other than an open hand.
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we don't have a LO yet, but we do not plan on using spanking as a form of discipline. i don't believe it is effective and i'm not comfortable carrying out physical punishments.
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nope!
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I come from a non spanking family who raised a lot of really good kids, and I am going to follow the discipline models I saw growing up, so no corporal punishment in my house.
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I voted maybe. I think it can be done in a right way, but I don't know if I'll use spanking as discipline yet. I'm not opposed to it. I was spanked a few times and it didn't effect me negatively.
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I voted yes. I've seen it work successfully when more of a tap is used. I think it can be used the right way - I was spanked a few times, and I'm sure it worked well.
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Eh...I think there are better ways to handle bad behavior. I was spanked as a child and it was always when my parents were angry. I don't resent them for it but I remember feeling humiliated even though I was young.
DH gave DS a spanking once but we both hated it and re-evaluated our discipline plans at that point.
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I have always been a adamant yes. Now I am a maybe but only if they did something that put themselves or others in danger.
But I'm talking tapping, never to the point of inflicting pain. I don't know if I can actually do it tho! I don't think I would... -
I just cant see myself hitting my daughter, then trying to teach her not to hit people.... so I'm a no. It reminds me of when Mr. Bee posted about Charlie biting because they played the "I'm going to eat you up" game. (Sorry if I'm remembering the details wrong Mr Bee!!!) If its okay for me to do, how is it not okay for them to do?
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yes I will spank.
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I was only spanked once as a child, I don't remember why. It wasn't nearly hard enough to hurt or leave a mark, but I was so embarrassed. I remember thinking "I never want to feel like that again." So it was effective in stopping whatever it was that I did. I think there is definitely a line with spanking though - if it's hard enough to leave a mark, it's too hard. I don't think we'll spank, but different things work for different kids, so we'll see.
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I'm a yes.
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I'm in the yes camp if it is necessary. But it works on some children and not others so it's just a matter of finding what works and doing it right.
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Only when all other options are exhausted or the logical consequence is worse than the spanking I.e defiantly running out in the street/parking lot.
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I put maybe. I can't really see myself doing it, but I have heard the theory that if it's something like what @brownie said, for example, it can be effective when children are not yet able to reason about WHY running out in the street is not OK. Like, serious bodily harm at stake.
I guess it will depend on who my kids end up being. (I was spanked a few times as a child.)
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There are so many different ways to do it. I don't think the way my parents did it when I was little was necessarily the right way. Like some PP's my mother did it a lot out of anger, so I associated it not with me doing something wrong, but instead with my mom's awful temper. I was spanked nearly every day of my childhood.
But I've seen a family I nanny for do it incredibly tastefully. The mom will warn her daughter that if she does a certain bad thing (usually attitude related) another time, she will get a spank. The daughter then has a choice between choosing good or bad. The times she continues misbehaving, the mom will get the spoon, give her a spank (I've never seen her do it angrily) and then comfort her daughter telling her that she didn't want to, but when you misbehave you face consequences. She then says, "Do you know why you got a spanking?" and the daughter has to explain what she did to get punished. I see THAT method as extremely effective. It is hard for kids to admit and identify their wrong doing, and she was doing it at 3 years old.
I WILL use that method. But never out of anger. If I am angry, I remove myself from the situation to avoid doing something I regret or handling discipline wrongly.
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I was spanked and I will not spank my child. I don't think it teaches anything positive. I hate that it teaches children that hitting someone smaller than you is OK. I think it also teaches children that violence is an appropriate response to anger. It makes zero sense to model hitting and then tell our kids not to hit others.
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I've read too much scientific literature linking spanking with bad outcomes, so we are firmly in the "no spank" camp.
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I was spanked (rarely), but I think we'll try to use other methods. I've taught preschool/pre-k/daycare and (obviously) I can't spank the kids, so I've found other methods of discipline that work for young kids.
I think it can be incredibly confusing to kids and can lead them to hitting others.
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I'm a yes. But only when it's deserved. (which is rare)
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I say no, but then I just asked DH, and he says yes. So clearly we have to discuss our disciplining strategy, since we're not on the same page right now.
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we got spanked when we were little, but i don't remember it well. the worst punishment was sitting in the hallway outside our rooms, away from everyone else with nothing to do. THAT was the worst.
i'm a maybe because i don't see us doing it, but i also know that some kids respond to it, so it would probably be our last line of discipline.
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I think I would do it only if they were too little to reason with and the consequnces of them doing it again were much worse than a spank (ie, something that would get themselves or someone hurt). I think there are better ways to punish when they are older.
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@Coco Bee: That is exactly how we do it (minus the spoon) and for us it has been extremely effective. It really helps having them explain why it happened and showing them that you still love them. Lo is 3 now and we almost never have to spank her anymore!
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Anybody else see this?
http://www.bworldonline.com/weekender/content.php?id=54652
"Study shows spanking boosts odds of mental illness: People who were hit or spanked as children face higher odds of mental ailments as adults, including mood and anxiety disorders and problems with alcohol and drug abuse"
I'm with Mrs. Jacks; there have been so many scientific studies showing the link between spanking (not even abusive spanking; any spanking) and negative effects on the child. The science is pretty conclusive on this topic.
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Yep, I plan on spanking.
I was spanked as a child, but my parents always made me go sit on their bed for 10 minutes to "think about what I had done" and give them some time to cool off so they never spanked me out of anger.
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@PawPrints: the study discussed in that article is referring to grabbing, shoving, slapping, etc. I think that is physical abuse....much different than a very quick swat on the bum.
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@Mrsdaredevil: if you read the actual study, it specifically excludes anything deemed physical abuse... Such as anything that left a mark or that the respondant deemed abuse. They specifically wanted to avoid the confounding that you describe. It's actually a really good study in the best pediatric journal.
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Yes, absolutely. Not because my child didn't pick up their toys, but when it is deserved. I wasn't spanked often, but my sister was. I watched her do bad things, get spanked, and then I knew not to do them
I very strongly believe children need to be disciplined. For example my 2 year old cousin gets "popped", and he is very well behaved. My 3 year old niece has never been popped on the hand or whatever, and is so disrespectful/ill behaved.
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I'm a yes, but only when it's a safety issue - like I told the child not to cross the street and they did anyway. Something like that. I will not use it as day-to-day discipline, like for not putting toys away or talking back. I think I was spanked once or twice ever and it was in extreme circumstances and it caught my attention for sure. I knew I had done something really wrong. Hubs, on the other hand, was spanked, hit with a belt or a switch...you name it. To this day he still resents his parents for that. I will not do that to our children, and he agrees with me 100%.
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I'm a maybe, I was very rarely spanked (I recall 2 times in my life, both well deserved.) I will try other forms of discipline but if it comes down to this I am not opposed. It just works for some kids better than others.
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Yes I plan to spank but only in very limited specific situations. If my child is doing something that could seriously hurt them (run out into the street, reach for a hot stove) they get a warning and if they do it again they'll get a smack on the bum. For their own protection I want them to associate that action with pain. I would never spank just because my kid was acting up. Also, I only intend to use spanking until the child is old enough to actually comprehend danger. Once they can understand it I don't see the need for spanking any more. Like in @MrBee's example if you are old enough to come up with a revenge fantasy you are too old to be spanked in my opinion.
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I'm a maybe more of probably not. My dad is military- when he said do something YOU DID IT! Not out of fear (my dad is a loveable teddy bear!), but because you just knew he didn't play. We were disciplined without needing the hand on our backside. DH believes in spanking and the first time I saw him spank one of my dogs when we were dating I FLIPPED. So, I can only imagine what a human would be like
@Coco Bee: This. If I were to spank, I would use this method. It helps the child identify exactly what they did to get punished.
I very strongly believe children need to be disciplined. For example my 2 year old cousin gets "popped", and he is very well behaved. My 3 year old niece has never been popped on the hand or whatever, and is so disrespectful/ill behaved.
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61 comments