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Do you/will you spank your child?

  • poll: Will you spank your child?
    Yes : (31 votes)
    44 %
    No : (26 votes)
    37 %
    Maybe : (14 votes)
    20 %
  1. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    I think one of the problems with the studies about spanking (or any form of discipline) is that it is impossible to isolate the long-term effects of spanking without having some bleed-over from other types of punishments/ disciplines, i.e., yelling, scolding, being hit by older siblings/relatives, etc. It's not like it is possible to have a pure spanking versus pure non-spanking control groups (with all other factors being equal) for the purposes of evaluation.

    For me, I am still on the fence but leaning toward spanking (although like @ChopSuey119, I can't even spank my kitties!). I was spanked growing up, and I remember the times when I really deserved it, and I remember when I was hit out of anger. The latter has always been difficult for me to move past/reconcile.

  2. mrsjyw

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts

    maybe? i'm not against it, but it would be a last resort for bad behavior.

  3. kml636

    pomegranate / 3225 posts

    I think it's a bad idea. I say that now though, LO has not arrived. I'm going to use other methods. Both DH and I were spanked and I just don't think it's necessary.

  4. Mrs. Blue

    blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts

    I think spanking can be effective, but I think it is not usually used effectively. We were spanked as young kids, but i can never remember my parents spanking us when they were angry. We always got a warning and knew we had a choice of continuing whatever behavior or getting spanked. Then, my parents discussed with us what we had done wrong, why we shouldn't do that, and what we could do differently the next time. They always conveyed that they loves us no matter what. Then, we would get our spanking. I think that was generally effective for us. That said, my mother was the queen of creative discipline and that was usually the most effective of all!

    Having been a teacher, I have a big toolbox of other discipline techniques that I believe should be used first. But, I'm not opposed to spanking in selective situations.

  5. Honeybee

    pomelo / 5178 posts

    No, we're not a spanking family. Personally, DH and I don't believe in corporal punishment.

  6. Running Elley

    coconut / 8681 posts

    I’m a maybe. I’m not completely opposed to it and don’t think that there’s anything wrong with doing it (as long as it’s done tastefully, not taken to an extreme and not done out of anger) but I can’t picture myself doing it.

  7. spaniellove

    honeydew / 7916 posts

    Never. I came from a family where one parent went into rages and beat me, so I believe that nothing justifies laying one's hands on a child. And I say this having taught some very trying children.

  8. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    @MsLipGloss: I agree... it is really hard to tease out pure spanking from other modalities.

    I think that might highlight the fact that it is really hard to only spank in what could be called an "optimum way" (though I believe that any spank is sub-optimal). In order to use spanking as "recommended" you'd have to always spank gently and not in anger and always tell the child why you are going to do it and then why you did it. (Certainly this wouldn't be happening in the danger situation that many people cite in this thread). I don't see that as being able to happen all the time even in the most perfect parenting situation and I'd imagine that the number of people who use spanking only that way is extraordinarily low. (There are always exceptions).

    I know that I wouldn't be able to practice it that way!

  9. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    @MrsJacks: That is definitely one of my concerns, i.e., the *recommended* method versus the actual application. My other concern is short-term gain versus the possibility of negative long-term impacts . . . I just don't know if it's worth it.

    Growing up, my dad never hit me out of anger, but my mom did . . . In some ways, I don't know that I can ever fully forgive her for that (although I love her tremendously!). I think it led to feelings of distrust (always scared I would get in trouble or upset her (and get in trouble), or her misunderstand me (and get in trouble), I am sure you get my point here), and I always held things back from her (not sharing things or talking to her about things) because of it.

    I don't feel that way about my dad - I feel like I always got a fair shake from him, and to this day I trust him and feel safe with him, as much as I trust/feel safe with my DH.

    I do not want my relationship with butterbean to develop along the same path (that is one of my biggest fears!), but I also don't want an uruly child.

  10. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    @MsLipGloss: It's hard to know what things would have been like if my parents did things differently. I grew up in a very "Strong Willed Child" Dr Dobson household, so my parents knew the "ideal" spanking model... but they couldn't always do it. There were inevitably some angry spanks. I know they were just trying to break my strong will, but I think it's a fine line between breaking someone's will and breaking someone's spirit.

  11. Sammyfab

    pomegranate / 3383 posts

    I voted no but I am probably more of a ''maybe.'

    I was spanked as a child and I remember feeling a lot of resentment. It never taught me a lesson. I believe that consequences should reflect the behavior that is being punished and spanking rarely does that.

  12. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    @MrsJacks: Reading your response brought tears to my eyes. That's exactly it-will/spirt. Fine lines are just too, well, fine (and delicate). And while I know my mom was hard on me because she thought I was strong/strong willed, I don't think she ever realized that I was *strong* because I didn't think I had any other choice, and the other choices were just too painful.

    Yanno, I hadn't really thought about the *why* re some parts of our relationship . . . this thread has made me conscious and aware of something that I think will change the way I parent. For the better!

  13. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    @MsLipGloss: Now I'm teary too. Group hug!

  14. MamaMoose

    GOLD / squash / 13464 posts

    @Mrs. Jacks: @MsLipGloss: Aw man. In what other online community would a discussion about spanking philosophies turn into a contructive conversation AND a love fest!? What an awesome place this is thanks to people like you two!

  15. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    @MamaMoose: OK, you are in the hug!

  16. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    @MrsJacks @MamaMoose: ((Hugs)) all 'round fo sho!

    And many many thank yous to everybody on HB for being so patient, understanding, and generous with sharing your lives.

  17. MamaMoose

    GOLD / squash / 13464 posts

    @Mrs. Jacks: yessss! : )

  18. MsMamaBear

    pear / 1861 posts

    Wow, a lot more yes votes than I expected!

    I'm a yes. I was spanked a few times, LESS than 10, as a child and I knew my mama meant buisness so I never did it again. My dad let us slide though.

  19. Jumpingjacks

    apricot / 426 posts

    No way.

  20. Cole

    grapefruit / 4649 posts

    I have worked with kids either as a teacher or nanny for 12 years now and I have had to find ways to shape the children's behavior without the use of corporal punishment. I do think it takes longer than corporal punishment to curb a behavior but it is effective long term for me so I will stick with my method.

    I have seen "optimal" spankings like others have described and I have seen some that in my opinion bordered on abuse (the mom was out of town and the three year old had been having a hard time with it, she threw a temper tantrum about getting dressed-which her mom usually did with her, and when she wouldn't stop crying she was spanked. I was thisclose to quitting on the spot.)

  21. SugarplumsMom

    bananas / 9227 posts

    Nope. Plus it's illegal in Sweden.

  22. LinzR

    cherry / 196 posts

    I'm not sure. I only got spanked once that I remember, and I don't remember it being out of anger. I got my hands swatted on occasion, I do remember that. LOL. But no bad memories or anything.


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