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What's your definition of strong willed? My DH is very opinionated, wants a say in everything involving LO, and definitely isn't one to just stay on the sidelines and let me make all decisions regarding her lol. But in a way that's a good thing he is so involved! It caused some fights in the beginning bc I wanted to do stuff one way, and he wanted to do stuff another way, and we butted heads often. Over time we've just learned to pick our battles. Everything is a compromise.

Me! DH tends to be very attachment-parenting oriented. Except he's never heard that term and has no idea--it's just how he naturally parents. Like he would be fine cosleeping forever, will hold our LO all day long if she wants it, hardly ever tells her no over anything, would rather wake up 12 times a night than try CIO, would let her eat while running around the room (as in, he would probably hold a plate of food and chase after her to feed her while she plays)...the list goes on.

And I'm the opposite of all those things.

I think our main skirmishes have been over LOs sleep--because her sleep has always been (and still kind of is) terrible. And it seems to get worse after periods of cosleeping and/or giving LO milk at night (the two things are intertwined because DH can't say no to her requests).

We really don't fight much actually---but I've learned to tell DH that if he wants to do something his way--especially related to LOs sleep, then he is 100% responsible for all night wakeups. His way = his job. My way = my job. Or if we can compromise in the middle, we share the job.

I'm pregnant again and when I was at my sickest (I get terrible all day nausea), DH did all night duty for probably 3 months straight--it involved a lot of cosleeping, a lot of giving milk at night, and LO waking up 8-10 times a night. I didn't care honestly, because I was in our room, alone, sleeping undisturbed. But he got really exhausted and worn out.

So, as soon as I was feeling better, I nixed the cosleeping, nixed all night milk--had 1 week of bad sleep and now LO is STTN again. Having said that, there are other issues where DH has done his own thing I didn't agree with and it really worked for LO. SO it's not like I'm right all of the time--sometimes his way is right.

I guess what I'm saying...sometimes for us, the best thing to do is let the other person try their way. If it doesn't work, it will be obvious to all of you. And then you can try something else.

Good luck!

With our fist we were constantly at odds with how to parent at first. The best advice I heard was just because he does things differently than I do does not make it wrong, it just makes it different. My way was not better, it was just my way. We had to compromise on having a structured schedule, DD just did so much better with one. But other than that we tried not to critique each others parenting too much. We hardly ever co-parent DH works days and I work nights so our days together were difficult but our marriage and relationship is way more important than any argument over how we differ in taking care of DD and now DS.
I would try and sit down and have a talk and decide what you each can compromise on.

@pmrlady: well I think you are going to have to let go of the germ thing once you have a crawler, not to mention a toddler. You will all go insane.
Is there room for compromise regarding the rest?

So long as LO isn't being hurt, I would figure out what you can let go. It doesn't have to be all one way or the other, as far as parenting goes. And you don't have to do things 100% the same. Figure out what's really important to you and WHY and talk about it, and figure out what you can let go. If you let go on the clean stuff, will be concede on a nap schedule, etc?

@pmrlady: if you feel strongly about these things, I would talk to him about it. I don't think your preferences are unreasonable or anything.

DH does things differently than I do, and we've had to work it out. He has specific things that just he does, that's our compromise- he has total domain over certain things. We've had to work things out- Personally I wouldn't want anyone letting DD cry, that would be a priority for me, hand washing would too. I think it is natural to have some tension while you get adjusted to one another's expectations. Good luck!

Since your husband is home alone with her during the day I think you need to let anything that happens during that time go. I am a SAHM and if my husband told me how to parent when he is at work I would be furious. You also have no way to enforce your rules. The germ thing seems over the top to me and I agree with your husband. If my husband told me to wash my hands before handling my daughter I would be offended.

@pmrlady: When we have a disagreement regarding parenting, the first thing I remind myself is that he has an equal say in how we do things with our daughters. He's entitled to parent how he sees fit to the same extent that I am. I think there are some true non-negotiables (like for me, physical discipline) but otherwise everything else is just details. In our situation, I am home with the kids during the day, and I would not be okay with my husband setting parenting rules for me. It's a gift that you have a husband who has a lot of parenting time with your LO and enjoys playing with her so much that he doesn't want her to go to sleep at a scheduled time! If I was in your situation, I would try to shift my thinking to looking at the positive in your husband's relationship with your LO, and let him parent in accordance with what he thinks is best when he is home with her.