Does anyone solo parent and work with 3 kids? I'm scared! My husband works 60 - 80 hours a week plus has 2 hour round trip commute. I currently have no family around. I work part time, 30 - 40 hours a week from home... Please tell me it will be okay???
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I don't but if I were in your shoes, I'd likely take a break from working, if you could swing it financially, to get through the first year or so with 3. 2 & 3 will be very close in age, won't they?
If you're not able to take a year off, I'd say look for a great nanny/housekeeper/anything else you can outsource!
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@Applesandbananas: I need to work for my sanity. I was depressed being SAHM. We don't need for me to work for financial purposes. I could cut back on my hours but I enjoy working...
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@BandDmommy: I'm sure you can do it. Do you have child care available or will you have all three at home and work?
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@BandDmommy: in that case, I'd cut back to 20ish hours and hire great help! There's SO much that can be outsourced.
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If you can get some help during the day - either daycare or nanny, or both - I think it would be great! Maybe sitter once or twice a week to help when you need to run errands in the evening?
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I'm sure you'll figure a way to do it, but personally I would cut back on your work hours for the first 6 months. I know the other two will be in daycare, but you'll be busy nursing, tending to the baby, and I think that, plus 20 hours a week of working will be a very full schedule
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My friends who work (heck, some of them don't work) have nannies so I would hire some help!
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I'm not working yet but will take on a couple projects in a few months. We're hiring a nanny to watch 2&3 while I work and will keep her for a few extra hours to take care of some housework/laundry/meal prep.
Three is honestly not as hard as I imagined. Everyone has just kind of fallen in line.
ETA: DH works about 60 hours during the week and more often than not works one or both days on the weekends. His office is only 15 minutes away though. Two hours is killer.
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B and D will still be at school right? Def cut back your hours at first, and keep them in school as much as you can! Hire help, lots of it!
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I'd hire an afternoon nanny/evening nanny , maybe someone from 3-7 or so? I'd have them watch the kids, do early baths and help get dinner prepared. Then I'd do bedtime myself.
We're debating between getting a 2 day a week nanny or a morning nanny because I'm worried about both of us working long hours and managing just two kids.
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@Pumuckl: the older two are in daycare full time
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My friends with 3 kids (hell, some with 2 kids) just outsource everything they can. One friend in particular says she doesn't struggle with balancing her kids and work (she's a part-time lawyer and her husband is a physician) -- it's the rest of life. As a result, she gets help with the little things... laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands (something as silly as picking up dry cleaning, prescriptions, etc).
I would find someone you really trusted / enjoyed and have them come maybe 3 days a week to just do anything under the sun.
You'll rock this!
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@LBee: that's exactly what we do....part time lawyer my husbands a doctor and we have a nanny that works more hours than I do so she does house stuff and errands and some cleaning. Game changer.
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We're def leaning towards having three! The only way we can pull it off is to outsource. DH works minimum 60 hours a week and travels locally daily and out of state every month or two. I work from home fulltime, with a few office days. My mom is primary care, DS1 is in preschool, and we're in the midst of finding a new house cleaner (last one didn't work out).
My suggestion is similar to previous posters. Cut back your hours if possible and hire a nanny/cleaner/etc.
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My DH is undergoing a career change and we are expecting, plus I need to have something I am involved in, plus he'll have a long commute, plus no help, and evening or night hours, PLUS HE HAS TO BE IN SCHOOL. Yikes.
I am confident you can handle it, and you have the resources in case you need to make some adjustments, like hiring extra help.
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I agree with using your salary then to outsource tasks as possible. Pre-made meals, house cleaner, etc.
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What interesting responses. We are considering a third and tbh this doesn't factor high into our yes or no column. But definitely food for thought.
Both our families were a family of 5. My parents certainly could not afford to outsource anything. Neither could his, although his mom was a SAHM and they had very involved grandmothers too!
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@regberadaisy: I think it depends on your family dynamic. Neither DH or I work 9 - 5 jobs and DH has a very demanding job. I think if you have more support from DH or nearby family it would be less of an issue.
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@regberadaisy: same with us growing up. We had grandma care but nothing else outsourced.
We want 3-4 and DH has a super demanding job. But we have no family here, so I've chosen to be a sahm. I don't think we could swing it with no help ever.
I think you'll figure it out!
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Would you consider an au pair? I totally would and probably will go this route when my son is older.
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It sounds totally doable with your current setup (older 2 in daycare FT). When would you put the youngest in care? I know it's not a matter of finances, but it would be less expensive to have a nanny for all 3 kids than to have to pay for daycare for 2-3 of them.
The first few months were my most productive with a newborn & WFH. She slept a lot so I was able to get a normal work day in most of the time. Once she started crawling, it was all downhill.
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@regberadaisy: I was from a family of 4 kids and my mom SAH for a long time then worked part time. There was no outsourcing, either. But my mom wasn't like a particularly happy or engaging SAHM....maybe that's the era? But she was always frazzled. Also by the time my mom went back to work, my father's schedule was reliable and he didn't work weekends unless on trial or something. For me, my husband's schedule is crazy erratic, he's usually home really late several nights a week and works 50% weekends...and rarely is around to help with house chores....so I figure if we can afford, it, why not? Our closest family is 1.5 hours away so we don't get regular help in that dept.
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I'm in the "throw money at the problem" camp, since you obviously have the means. Hire yourself a part time nanny, girl!
Bottom line is...you CAN do it. You surely aren't the only one solo parenting 3 kids with a workaholic husband and her own career. But you have the financial means to offload some of that stress
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@winniebee: if I was in your spot I would totally be outsourcing too! You handle both your kids like 75% of the time! And bottom line like you said is you "can".
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@BandDmommy: Then you can do it! Just consider giving yourself a little break before you dive back in PP and maybe reduce hours if at all possible. I WAH (with some business trips) and didn't work the first three moths and then just worked when baby slept. That way I could bond with baby and sleep when baby sleeps and once you come out of the NB haze start working. I officially worked 16 hours but it was often 20-25h (all during daytime naps). It got a little more difficult around 8-9 months when they started sleeping less. Mine started daycare FT at 9.5m.
I'll do the same thing when (and if) we have #3.I could have just stayed home since we have a year of paid maternity leave here but I went stirr crazy and wanted to go back to work.
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i have a friend who is a single mom of 4, and works outside the home. she manages and does a great job. it's obviously hard, but you can do it. she is not shy about asking for help. she has babysitters/neighbors/friends/whoever come on a regular basis--like 2 evenings a week and for some time on the weekend so she has time to go grocery shopping and run errands. friends also offer to take her oldest to certain activities while she stays home with the younger ones.
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@banddmommy: i'd also be open to the possibility that staying home *might* be more enjoyable this time around. obviously you can test it out during the first however many weeks after LO3 comes. i was miserable SAH on maternity leave with LO1, but enjoy SAH (full-time) since having LO2. Not sure if it's the additional kid, or situational! although there are definitely still some days i consider going back to work at least part-time, i haven't felt enough conviction to start researching options yet.
Or maybe you'll miss the part-time work still/again! And in that case, hire away!
I'd almost definitely look into a nanny so that she could do whatever you need -- pickup/dropoff the older ones, watch LO3, take the older ones places, provide care for any sick kids, housework, errands, etc.ETA: if you don't have nearby family...or a strong "village"...and you can afford it...i see nothing wrong with paying to create your "village"
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@KayKay: funny, I was the opposite....I liked SAH with one....but that's when we were in fellowship year....I was pretty overwhelmed with 2 at home with me all day and was relieved to go back in a part time capacity. Maybe I'll change my mind again after 3
I'd almost definitely look into a nanny so that she could do whatever you need -- pickup/dropoff the older ones, watch LO3, take the older ones places, provide care for any sick kids, housework, errands, etc.
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