We try our best to give our 2.5 year old choices so she can be in "control" and have less tantrums. The choices we give her all benefit us or don't affect the situation but 9/10 times its successful and has really limited her tantrums.
Do you give your LO choices and let them choose? For example, do you want to wear the blue shirt or the purple shirt. I have a very strong willed kid so this almost has to be part of our day!
squash / 13764 posts
Depends...if he is hungry, giving him choices of what to eat definitely helps. But if it is something he just doesn't want to do, like get dressed, giving him clothing choices won't usually help him.
grapefruit / 4006 posts
Not really. She will usually tell us if she wants to wear, eat, do something but if we don't give her a choice i don't notice a difference. However we always give her time warnings for transitions...like ok 5 more mins and then we are going to do (something else) and that seems to help A LOT.
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts
Yes always. Especially if it is something he doesn't want to do. We will ask him, do you want mommy or daddy to put you in your crib? Do you want to turn the light off yourself or do you want mommy to? Do you want to put on your pants first or your shirt first?
We have a very willful child and try to use Love and Logic to the best of our ability. Giving choices is one of their strategies. It works amazingly well with our LO.
pomegranate / 3595 posts
We do this a lot and i think it is successful. But lately LO has been becoming more defiant so she is starting to lose choices as a consequence. We will see how that goes....
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i try to give my 2 y/o choices but he kinda just stares at me and doesn't respond. i usually have to give him a transition or something to look forward to, like we need to put your coat on so we can go to "school" (daycare) and see your friends.
pomelo / 5469 posts
I've been thinking about this lately as I've found that there are less tantrums if when we have to do something she doesn't want to do I'll say like "do you want to get your coat and put it on or do you want me to do it for you?" that way she gets the choice but also knows what the inevitable is otherwise! I dunno, it makes me feel better!
honeydew / 7303 posts
@hilsy85: same! It really depends on her mood. Also, if she has her mind set on something and that's not one of the choices it's all over!
pineapple / 12566 posts
With DS, almost always unless he has a very specific idea in mind.
eggplant / 11824 posts
Yes, generally (certainly there are times when she just needs to do what she is told so we can keep on schedule, be safe, etc.). For stuff like clothes, she can pick her own. I don’t care if her clothes don’t match, if that’s what she wants to wear, by all means! I don't do this with dinner, because I don't want to encourage picky eating.
On a related note, the way they redirect behavior at school is that they tell the kids to “make another choice”, or if they are doing something dangerous with their body (climbing, etc) they will say “you need to make another choice with your body”. I’ve seen them do this in both the toddler and preschool rooms and it works SO WELL. We’ve started implementing it at home too. It seems like such a respectful way to get kids to change their behavior - letting them make the choice.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
We do it, but I don't know that E really gets it yet. It's more that I'm trying to train myself to function this way. I keep reading its praises in Love & Logic. The choices are relatively meaningless for me, it's just a habit I'm trying to form. Right now, E is really easy going and wants to please us, so we don't have any issues putting her coat on or shoes, or anything like that, but i expect that will change soon
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
It depends on the situation, not always but sometimes. If I give her choices on clothes she usually throws a fit and wants something else (princess shirt/dress.) However if I say "pancake or toast" she will usually choose one.
I've found that putting time limits on stuff works for us "2 more minutes and then we are putting it away, mommy's phone will go off when time is up." And I set an alarm, this has been huge for us in the last couple weeks.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Super Nanny tackled this on an episode. A family was experiencing mega battles with their toddler in the morning. The kid had a dozen toothbrushes and had a hard time deciding which one to use. Nanny Jo suggested they limit the choices to 2 or 3 toothbrushes. Open ended choices or too many can be overwhelming.
I think giving some kids choices is great especially if one choice leads to another decision and then kids learn about outcomes and opportunity costs. A friend of mine went to college completely reliant on her parents because every decision was made for her or heavily involved her parents.
It's never too early to get kids thinking for themselves a bit. I imagine the better behavior effect is similar to getting a child to eat more. When kids help with meal prep they are more vested in the meal and are willing to try new foods or eat simply eat more.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
It depends, there are things that I have learned to pick my battles on. Like clothing, he can wear what he wants, I purposely buy things that are very simple and can coordinate.
Some things are not negotiable, though, and he has to do them regardless of his mood. In those cases especially, I do not give him a choice. It's right now and that's it.
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