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Things that they need to be ready to use or big ticket items should be ran by the parents first. I don't want people to buy us stuff we don't have room for or don't want our kid to have.

DS is 5.5 months old and MIL bought a 2T Halloween costume. Well I probably won't use it but also what if he is never that size at Halloween. I think she can keep it at her house for dress up. I'm just glad she didn't buy something for this year!

In some ways, yes.

For instance, Vi has a Target wishlist for clothes. The IL's know this, they asked for the link and we sent it to them.

Then we get a package in the mail with clothes, from Target... and not a single thing is from the wishlist. It's all things that I hate, that I told them I hate, like hot pink and creepy graphics.

I mean, you were in the same stinkin store... you couldn't just get something we actually wanted?

LO's grandparents rarely ask what he'd like for Christmas/birthdays. I don't think gift-givers have an obligation to ask permission. However, I can see how if you'd discussed what you were going to get and then someone stole your thunder, that might be frustrating. But isn't the answer there to just not talk gifts with that person?

I think the solution to an unwanted gift is a return or the Salvation Army. I've taken stuff to SA new with tags and they are overjoyed. Until age 3 or so it definitely isn't a big deal to let a child open a gift, take photos, write a thank you card, and then put it away 'for toy rotation' and never bring it back out. I would let someone else enjoy the trike and get the one you want when you want to.

@NaturallyCathy: I completely understand! Doing stuff like that is just setting up SOMEONE for disappointment! Either your son is disappointed because he gets a gift you won't let him use, or they're disappointed because you tell them they can't give it to him, or you're disappointed because of the whole situation.

@Cole: See... that would make me so sad. I'd rather not be told we were getting anything and then be surprised, than to be told I was getting something specific and have a switcheroo.

We haven't really had this issue yet. Neither parents have bought any big ticket item, much less run it past us . My mom says I'm too picky to have her buy anything, so she just doesn't (or would rather give the $). I think it is sweet though. And grandparents can get excited about wanting to give the 1st something, even i you wanted to pick the 1st something.

My MIL likes to surprise us with small gifts for LO and I do find it frustrating because they are never to my taste. The worst thing she buys things we already have or don't need (like a tummy time mat when we have 2 already and mine cost a whole lot more) and then constantly asks if we're using them and seems to be offended when we aren't!

Since they have already bought the tricycle I would try and look at this situation a little differently. Yay! You just got out of buying a big ticket item. Can you ask them not to give it to him for Christmas but when you feel he is ready for it? When the time comes he is not going to care who bought it for him but who taught him to ride it.

DD got a trike before she turned one. She liked sitting in it and being pushed around.
I love when family buys us gear/clothes. One less thing I need to buy/pay for!

A family friend bought our LO her first Halloween costume. I was a little disappointed I didn't get to pick her first costume but at the same time I was tired and overwhelmed so appreciated the thought and gesture (DD was 6 weeks old around Halloween). About three different people bought her a "1st Christmas" ornament so I never got to buy that either. Our LO is the first born grandchild with over excited grandparents, what can I say.

@NaturallyCathy: In addition to wanting to do *firsts* for my LO, it the substitution of judgment (theirs instead of mine) that drives me insaaaaaane! When grandparents make a decision to do something regardless of how you feel about it (, i.e., if you don't accept the gift they'll just have it for him at their house?! WTF?!), that really really really sticks in my craw! This is the very reason why there isn't any grandparent on our short list who is *approved* for unsupervised overnight visits. I can't trust them (or, more specifically, one grandparent in particular in both sets) to follow my schedule and my *rules* (for lack of a better word). It is so stinkin' maddening, and it makes me ANGRY that I can't trust them to be *adults*!!! It makes me wonder what the eff happened to the parents I knew growing up?! *They* wouldn't do this crap!

Maybe I'm just cheap and lazy but I love it when my IL's buy my kids toys/clothes/anything! My MIL bought my son his first tricycle, his first chair AND his first halloween costume without asking me. I was overjoyed! But then again, I'm not that sentimental so that's probably a big reason why it didn't bother me. But I could see why it would bother people who are sentimental about "firsts". Plus my IL's aren't the types to push their opinions or judgements on us (although they do from time to time!) so I know that all of their purchases come from a good place. I recently tried dropping a hint that my kids would LOOOOVE a toy kitchen for Christmas. I didn't say which one, although I really would love the KidKraft Ultimate Chef kitchen. I'm hoping they will ask me which one! But if they don't, it's fine. I'll be happy getting anything! One less thing for me to buy and shop for (again, me = lazy and cheap).