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I think DH prefers I work. I don't think he likes the pressure of being the sole provider and he gets bitchy about the "work" being evenly divided. I currently work part-time, which works for us for now.

Honestly, I think he'd rather me work and him be a SAHD. I wouldn't mind that either. Hopefully, we may be in a position to do that when we have the next one.

We both grew up with a stay at home parent, and we both wanted the same for our children. We discussed this way before we were married. It makes more sense that I stay home than he does because our company can survive without me, not without him.

If he had wanted me to be a WOHM I'm not sure what we would have done. Maybe a compromise where I work part time? It would have been a big discussion for sure, but he definitely has a say.

We didn't really have an option, we both have to work to support our wanted lifestyle. We hope to be able to have me work parttime once the kids are in school and activities so I can be involved. This is a joint decision.

Absolutely he has a say. We approach things like finances jointly and we also have to both be mentally involved in order for things to work.

Having said that, we decided I would take some time off after the birth of our son because we could not organize appropriate child care without sacrificing both of our careers. When we relocated and I had an opportunity to interview, he suggested I go, when I couldn't decide and was dragging my heels.

Now that I am working full time, if we both weren't okay with it, we'd not be able to keep our schedules as they are.

Its a huge decision for any family, so with that in mind i think both partners absolutely have a say

I think both people get a say. I know DH had a preference for me to be a SAHM, which probably influenced my decision to not look for new work after LO was born.

I don't understand how he wouldn't have a say? Our marriage is a partnership. We discuss all big decisions and take each other's feelings and opinions into account. He doesn't make my decisions for me (or vice versa) but we BOTH have a say in all major decisions.

well it's not a discussion. unless we want to live in a shack, and never do anything fun.. yes, i will be working.

he will definitely have a say one day when it comes to a point where we feel like i could work part-time though, but it's from a financial/what are we comfortable with perspective. i would never do something selfishly that he didn't feel comfortable with financially.

He definitely would have a say, and we would do what's in the best interests of the family, but luckily right now we're on the same page about me being a working mom so it hasn't been an issue.

Nope. He wants me to do what makes me happy, whether that's stay home or work. But we need my salary so work it is.

He had a say certainly since we make decisions like that as a family, and because if I quit working (for any reason), obviously he is burdened with picking up the slack of making enough money, and the stress of knowing he's the sole provider.

That said; I'm not down with a man who prefers I give up my career and financial independence, for any reason, including children.

I don't see how he wouldn't have a say unless we were so strapped that there was only one workable choice. We both were happy with me staying home, but he would have been happy if I had wanted to work too. He is very vocal about me working once the kids are in school though. I think he's more worried about my introverted-ness turning me into a recluse than he is about the money

We would bother rather me be a SAHM, but its just not in the cards right now (or probably ever).

he definitely has a say!

Both people have a say, but it should be discussed before marriage even if neither party feel strongly about it. This is such a major decision that you need to make sure you're in the same ballpark about it.

We discussed this long before having kids. We both had a SAHM and wanted the same for our kids. We did toy with the idea of him staying home instead because i had the larger salary and better benefits but when we really considered who would be better at it and enjoy it more we knew I should stay home.

absolutely, we both have input on such decisions. he'd rather i SAH now even without a LO, but that's not possible $$ wise.

@ElbieKay: Interestingly, we didn't even discuss it until I had already returned home from the hospital, newborn son and all.

I had always thought I would work, my husband didn't express a preference either way, but when it actually came time to make the decision, we did it based on our situation at that time.

@pui: Ditto! I don't contribute a whole lot, we could definitely live without my income, so my job is more for me to get out of the house and so that we can have a "slush fund". But, who knows, maybe I'll hate being a SAHM and want to go back after the 1st year of mat leave.