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We both agreed it's best I stay home with the LO's right now. We could never afford daycare.

@looch: Well I would just want to know if we were on opposite extremes. My husband and I are similar... I assumed I would work, he probably could go either way but respects my desire to have a career etc. I would have wanted to know before marrying him if he assumed I would stay home and was completely inflexible on the issue. (Or vice versa, for that matter.)

@ElbieKay: Agreed. I think, though, sometimes, we spend a lot of time planning for what could be and then the reality is something totally different, for whatever reason.

We both have a say, but ultimately the decision is mine.

However, I would go stir-crazy not working. It's really rough for me to not be in a career setting. Plus, we couldn't afford it

He does have a say. A big say.

We both are obviously invested in our parenting goals and also heavily invested in our financial situations, so we can to the agreement that it was best he work and I stay home because we can afford it and because we want LO to be brought up (until kindergarten) with a SAHM.
That being said, I am in school as well which keeps me very busy, so that'd played a factor too. It def wasn't all MY decision.

I think both people should have a say in any major family decision, and this certainly qualifies!

We talked about this before we got married and I always said I hoped I'd be able to SAH and he supported that. We figured our timeline out so he'd be earning enough to support us before we TTC. I don't think he'd have an issue with me deciding to WOH though.

Personally, I think it'd be odd if either of us made the decision independently. It has always been an open discussion and while we'd both love for me to be a full time SAHM, it just isn't in the financial cards for us at the time.

Yes, we shared the decision, but ultimately, he just wanted me to be happy. I'm happy to be a WOHM.

we talked it out together and were on the same page that going back full-time wasn't our preference (I ended up with a seasonal/part-time deal).

I think he's a little torn now that he has a new job on the table where, with the move to a cheaper place, I can afford to stay home. he grew up with a SAHM so he likes the idea but he also likes the cash I can bring in and the cushion that gives us. I suspect in the end we will agree for me to stay home for a few years and then try to find ways to ease back in. he wouldn't be ok with me not working forever (given earning potential) and frankly neither would I.

@rahlyrah: Of course people are entitled to change their minds, but if I felt strongly about being a WOHM and my fiance was completely opposed to that concept then it would make me question the wisdom of getting married.

Before we were married he put family as a priority and wanted me to be a SAHM if it were financially possible for us. I never imagined it being possible and pushed aside the thought. Then I became pregnant, and we sat down to discuss our options. I was at a job I was unhappy with, no career path ahead of me and making so little. We decided it would be best for me to stay home, and that was the first time I really entertained the idea. 3 years later, and I'm really happy being a SAHM. There are some rough times and moments of feeling unappreciated by society in general, but it's so rewarding. Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I had a decent job prior and a good work experience.

@SweetiePie: haha, I could have writtten your post! WHen I was at home with my son and in the depths of it, he actually came home one day and said "You need to get back to work."

He gets a say because the budget and finances affect both of us.

I felt like I could go either way - I can see the benefits of staying home and of working. Financially, we could make it work on just his salary. But I make decent money, have a fairly flexible job, and get great benefits. If I'm going to be a working mom, this is a great job for it. He prefers for me to work so that we have more of a financial cushion, so that's what we're planning. I think if I was in a different job where I made less money or didn't like my job, I would push more to stay home.

He has a say in that I value his opinion and we talk about it. Could be demand that I do one or the other? No, and he wouldn't because he's not that type of person.

I am at home right now because of our situation (living somewhere for a year). We are moving again in the summer and I don't think I will work while we get settled and hopefully have another baby. I think he would prefer me to go back to work after that. I don't know what I want yet. On the one had I have a career that I worked really hard for and am still laying off my law school loan! On the other hand my husband has a very inflexible demanding career so two working parents is rather difficult (I did work the first year of my sons life).

He definitely has a say and both of our opinions were equally important to us. I couldn't imagine staying at home full time or working full time, and he fully supported my decision to work part time. My job is around 25 hours per week and it's the best world for me. I worked hard to be where I am at in my career and I love my job, but I also get to spend plenty of time with LO. I make almost double what DH does and we are thinking that in the future, with continued growth at my job, he might even be able to work part time as well. We'll see! Another decision that we'll make together.

Yes, absolutely. Compromise is something I'm very much working on because I'm a control freak and I like to make my own decisions.... but I do feel it is right that we make this decision jointly because our family finances affect everyone.

This is an ongoing "discussion" between us. We definitely both need to have a say because it affects our joint family.

I feel very strongly that I want to be a SAHM when the time comes, and he feels very stressed out that the sole financial burden would fall on his shoulders. He says that even if we could make it work financially, it would still stress him out and possibly make him feel like the work load was uneven.

However, with the salary I have now, we'd basically be paying for me to work, due to the costs of daycare. I also feel on a personal level that it's emotionally important to me to be home with my children until they are school-age.

The kicker is, he agrees that he would rather have a parent home with the kids over sending them to daycare, but he can't really get past the idea that it would be me staying home. I think he actually wishes HE could stay home - which I would totally support, but he has more earning potential.

As we plan to TTC in the coming months, we're trying to figure out a way for me to work part-time after kids. We both feel that would be a good "compromise" and are hopeful we'd be able to arrange schedules so I could work when he was home or we could leave the kid(s) with a relative for a few hours.

So...as you can see, yes, we both need to have a say!