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I wouldn’t say I don’t want my kids around dogs, but I am always vigilant when they are. Partly, I don’t know these other dogs, even if they are my friends or family’s dogs. But partly my kids haven’t grown up wth a dog and they need to be taught to behave appropriately around dogs. So I think it’s really important that I watch them closely. If someone had a dog who didn’t seem comfortable around kids and I didn’t think took appropriate precautions when my kids were around, I just wouldn’t bring my kids around.

We have friends who have very different parenting styles than mine, but for the most part, who cares? Their kids have no bedtime and snack all day, but that doesn’t affect me that much. But they let their kids be crazy with their dog and it worries me a lot. So that is one area where I have to really step in and make my kids behave around the dog. My friend says oh she is fine, she would never hurt them/ nite them. And maybe that’s true, but 1) not necessarily, every dog has a limit, somewhere; and 2) if they treat your very patient dog that way, they will think it’s ok to treat another dog like that and that dog might not be so patient and could bite them; 3) it’s not fair to the dog. Just because she won’t bite, you can’t let you kid be that rough with her.

Anyway- yes I am vigilant with my kids around dogs, and try very hard to make sure they behave appropriately around them to minimize the risk.

We have 2 dogs. They are pretty much bomb proof with my daughter because she is part of their pack. Obviously we have taught her how to act around dogs and she treats them well (99% of the time. She's only 3 and is occasionally rough or mean but we remind her that we are nice to our pets)

That said we crate them or put them outside when we have other small visitors. They are both still young and still jump up when excited so I'd rather avoid having them knock over someone's kid. Plus to be honest I don't know how the parents have taught their kids to behave around animals and don't want to subject my dogs to pulling and prodding.

I expect other dog owners to know their dogs well enough to put them away if they don't deal well with kids but I always pay extra attention when my daughter is around a dog I don't know

We have a rescue yellow lab who has some anxious tendencies. We learned the hard way not to trust dogs because he snapped at our son when he started crawling and we trusted our dog to never hurt him. We saw a behaviourist and it made a lot of sense: dogs are animals and even the most well trained animals can react suddenly and without warning. It’s their nature so I can’t be angry at him for it. Now, we try to set the dog up for success and I would do this when interacting with any other dog: Our kids and others besides DW and I are not to touch his face or paws because it makes him anxious. Pets and love are only given with one of us holding the child and guiding them with gentle hands while we also speak calmly to the dog and pet him ourselves. He has his own space that the kids are not to touch so he can retreat. We do not allow other children on our walks outside to come to him to get in his face or touch him. There’s too much to risk. Many many many people and kids are very flippant about animals and we have been very strict with our kids about how to behave around our own dog. We always put our dog away in our room when we have lots of visitors and small kids because I know I will constantly have to police the situation and other people don’t get it. It stresses us and the dog so not worth it.

In your case, I would try and instil respect in your kids for animals. Ask if the dog is friendly and closely supervise the interaction. If the dog is hyper, I would remove my child immediately. I’m not sure I would ask someone to put a dog away in their own home. I think kids who aren’t exposed to animals can develop fear and anxiety so I think it’s useful for them to have experiences that are positive and teach respect.

Two major things about kids and dogs:

Dog owners need to be aware of their dogs reaction to kids/have a well trained dog. My 90 lb Lab doesn't jump and is well behaved, if he jumped and didn't listen everyone would avoid my house... Where as a 5 lb ankle biter is half feral because they're little. 🙄

Parents need to teach their kids about how to approach a dog of any size. Stay out of their face, ask to pet them, don't grab, etc.

That being said, I will introduce my dog to new people in the house and depending on both parties I decide on if he stays in or goes in the backyard. I'm going to be honest though, I wouldn't take well to someone asking me to kennel/put away my dog in my house. My dog is part of my family, so he's a factor of coming to my house.

We do have friends that don't like big dogs or whatever, and we usually go to their house or meet somewhere. I'm ok with that, and don't expect them to come to my house, and don't object to having to go to them. 🤷‍♀️

@agold: once our dogs are older and less exuberant I will likely let them stay in when we have people over. At this point they just get too excited by new people and I prefer to not set them up to fail.

If mine were being well behaved and someone asked me to put them outside or away I would likely not invite those people back to my house

@Sams Mom: isn't that horrible. I hate when people have ill behaved tiny dogs. Like why is it ok for your tiny dog to attempt to bite me?

@Sams Mom: and this is why our dogs still hang outside when we have visitors. Until they're past puppyhood it is just impossible to keep them from jumping when they're excited. It also makes me crazy but we've tried everything, we just don't have people over enough to train it out of them

@Sams Mom: yeah our staffie/cattle dog mix is 2 and still a handful, she's finally starting to calm down some. But she will get excited and just won't stop jumping and it makes me insane so she hangs outside.
And then our younger is only 11 months. She is less relentless but licks everyone so she's almost worse

@MamaBear87: totally agree with everything you said. I also respect that while I’m a dog person, other people aren’t and I don’t need people to feel uncomfortable coming over.

@JennyPenny: that’s so interesting that your kids are scared! I was just remarking to DW the other day that our older son could literally care less about our dog or other peoples dogs whereas everyone we know who has kids without a dog, their kids are OBSESSED with dogs. I guess the novelty gets old when they’re around all the time, I dunno.

@agold: I think if you were my friend and said that your kid was nervous around dogs or scared, I would absolutely find a way to make that work and put my dog away. Or like another poster said ‘is there a place my kid can be where the dog can’t get them?’

@muffinsmuffins: I think it’s because the dog they grew up with (for most of their life so far at least) was so old and lazy. He never licked, jumped, and very rarely ran. He would stay perfectly still if you pet him. So dogs that actually move and get in their face totally freak them out. *shrug*

@muffinsmuffins: I could have written your post about our late dog. We had a mixed-breed rescue who was the biggest couch potato ever. But she was also anxious, dog-aggressive, and startled easily. We actually had a hospital visit once with our (then) 2 yr old due to an encounter with our dog and it was a nightmare. I never really relaxed about it ever again.

We had always been really cautious about her introductions to people and especially our friends dogs. She was mostly only let out if visitors were long-time friends or family. If someone else was uncomfortable around her I would 100% let her hang in our bedroom (honestly she was happy un-making the bed to snuggle all day anyway). As a rule we put her up for any gathering with unfamiliar faces and any larger party scenario.

If someone is anxious around or not comfortable with dogs I would much rather they just tell me, and give me the opportunity for an easy fix so we can enjoy each other’s company

I definitely don’t ask people to put their dogs away. Most dog owners I know seem to know their dog’s limits. I’m allergic so we don’t have dogs (and I am not a dog person), but of course my girls love dogs. Every house I’ve been to has told my girls what to do around the dogs, like “She just needs to smell your hand and then she’ll be okay.” Or, “She’s really hyper so we’re going to keep her outside.” Now that I have kids I’m very careful about my non-verbal cues so they learn to be comfortable around them and recognize a dog’s limits (because without them I’m giving off a “please get it away from me” vine). We do have one set of family friends that prefers not to do play dates at their house esp. in winter because of their raucous dog which I appreciate.

@Adira: I have a labrador and if someone was allergic and came over to my house, I cannot imagine not placing my dog outside out of respect for their health. That's just crazy inconsiderate to your children.

My DH and I have worked hard to train our dog and expose her to various situations, including kiddos of all ages. I would probably be taken aback if someone asked me in my home to put my dog up, because she is a member of my family and if you're coming over to my house, you know she's there. I'd probably approach it by first inquiring what my guest was concerned about from my dog and make a decision based on that.

That being said, I have a family member with an aggressive small-breed dog, and we've been vocal about how the dog is not welcome in our home or around the baby once it's here. Family has admitted to doing nothing to train it/correct the behavior, it has tried to bite with intent to harm on multiple occasions, and we had to put our foot down as far as the dog coming into our home. Now, if we go to their house, then I know the dog will be there and will not be controlled, so I'm going to be the one to keep my child out of harm's way. It sucks that they don't share equal concern, but some people are really crappy pet owners.

@Adira: an allergy is totally different to me than you just don't want my well behaved dog in the room. We have friends who have a kid who's allergic and my dogs go outside and I vaccum and mop before they come over. I love my dogs but her kid breathing is way more important.

Same with someone who has a fear of dogs and asks politely that they be put up.

@Adira: your in-laws are being totally unreasonable. Of course your kids would just get over being itchy and uncomfortable if they hung out with the dogs more 🙄. I'm sorry that sounds like a miserable situation

@MamaBear87: @Adira: yeah allergies are a totally different boat. But labs shed 24/7 so I just feel bad having people with allergies at my house, even freshly cleaned.

As a dog lover, I want everyone to love dogs, but I'm not going to force my 90 lbs of derp and please love me on a terrified kid.

@Adira: We have two dogs (a 5-year old Patterdale terrier and a year-old lab-pit mix). While they are "part of the family," I couldn't imagine forcing others (especially children who may be afraid of dogs OR individuals with allergies) to spend an extended amount of time confined with my dogs. As a pet owner, I find situations to make both the visiting guest and my dogs comfortable. I always vaccuum and dust before company visits. The dogs are not allowed on the 2nd or 3rd floors of our home so company can have repose from atleast some allergens (or canine affection). When company visits, the pups are contained in the kitchen, put outside to play in the dog run or (if it is cold and I am in the kitchen with company) my puppy chills in her kennel with toys and my older pup hangs out with toys in DH's office.
I think the way your ILs expect you and your children to "deal" is horrendous ... I can understand why you would be apprehensive to visit! On the flip side, do not allow their behavior jade you on how you view other dog owners -- some of us are very accommodating and, honestly, care about the comfort and safety of those around us.

@Mamabear87: I agree that most pet owners (at least all the ones I know) are conscientious of visitors in their home. With that stated, if someone just "isn't a dog person," and makes a big stink about petty things (like the fact that my small dog occasionally sits on the couch when visitors are not around) OR that my 50+ lb puppy puts her feet on the gate to greet people), I do become a bit perturbed and do not invite them back again. I have had it happen ONLY ONCE though.

@Sams Mom: @MamaBear87: @Kaohinani: I wish I could trade you ladies for my in-laws!!!

@MamaBear87: Agreed 100%. And I wish all those dogs did was push their nose to my kids. It's a lot of jumping (from the 1 small dog) and some pretty intense licking (from the 1 big dog)

@MamaBear87: Oh, nice - that's an awesome tip! Thanks

@Adira: my SMIL is the same way about her dog! She thinks my kids just need to get used to him. Uhhhh he is a 2 year old ~120lb Rottweiler that has minimal training. No, I'm not going to let my kids around him when he knocks them over just by turning around!

Thankfully FIL is on our side and always makes sure he is either outside or in another room when the kids are over.