DS is 17 months and I am pretty sure (I hope) that this behavior is normal. If DS doesn't get his way or I tell him no, sometimes he will look for something to hit (open handed and more like a slap). Sometimes he hits me or an object, then he will look at me...I am struggling with what my reaction (even facial reaction) should be. Is he looking at me afterwards for a reaction? I cant help but giggle sometimes but I wish I could teach him to react in another manner. I try to tell him, "be nice" but he hasn't stopped hitting out of frustration. Will this change with age/development?
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It is a developmental thing, E started this around the same time and still goes through spurts every now and then where he starts to hit again. We had to start doing time-outs at this point. We would immediately take him and set him in his crib and tell him that hitting was not allowed. He only sits there for a minute, but he's learning that there are consequences to his behavior. After a minute we get him out of the crib and make him say I'm sorry and re-emphasize that hitting is not allowed.
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My LO will hit me sometimes if she frustrated with me. I put her down (if I'm holding her) then I take her hands and hold them by her side and "We don't hit. Hitting is not nice. I do not want to play with you if you are going to hit." And then I walk away from her. She wants my attention so walking away from her is giving the exact opposite of the desired result.
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My LO started that around that age as well. Usually it's just me that she directs her hitting to, when she's very frustrated. I give her my very best "I mean business" look, and tell her, "we don't hit". And we don't. I use a stern tone of voice. She either tries to pet me or hug me, which I usually ignore (it feels like she's trying to pretend she just meant that from the start), or she hits me again. When she hits again, I just repeat myself more firmly, and she stops. I try to encourage her to use words, and try to identify for her that she's frustrated, angry, etc.
I realize that she's pretty easy and not all kids react like she does, so I don't know if this is helpful.
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@kiddosc: @kiddosc: @kiddosc: I am so glad to hear that it is fairly common and that I haven't screwed up the kid for life
ha. Thank you so much for responding! I found all of your responses helpful and will try out some of your techniques.After he hits once, he is typically over whatever he got frustrated about so I wasn't really worried about the behavior as much as my reaction and how to help him.
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Lo is the same age and also hits sometimes when she is frustrated/being told off (or she throws things eek) I just get on her level and say "E we don't hit, it isn't nice". Then I try to distract her. I just hope the phase doesn't last too long!
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LO has started to hit at 16 months, I grab her hands and say "we do not hit." and if she does it again (she's very determined) she gets a 1 minute time out and she has to stay she's sorry.
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@lilyann: my guy is 18 months and I think it's totally developmentally typical. I think he's definitely looking at you to gauge your reaction - he's figuring out if hitting is an acceptable way to show he's upset. When F hits, I usually tell him "Wow, XYZ really made you mad! Hitting people hurts. If you want to hit, you can hit *insert safe object*". I have a pillow I let him hit if he gets mad.
I figure, he's too young to replace hitting with words, but he's old enough to learn that hitting people/animals is not okay. The non-verbal age is so hard!
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@lilyann: How is this going for you? Have you tried anything that's working? I'm struggling with hitting from DS right now (always when he's frustrated/not getting his way...like when he's running around in the front yard and I pick him up to put him in his carseat). I usually hold his arms down, tell him we don't hit and have him apologize butttt he still does it every time he gets frustrated so I'm not sure it's having an effect. He head butts too =/
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@Running Elley: Although it still happens, it has gotten a lot better and a lot less frequent!! DS is almost 19 months and I think his communication is getting so much better, so he feels less frustrated. We went on vacation a couple weeks ago and he hit us a lot while we were there but ever since we came home, he has been so much better about it. We have noticed that ignoring it or telling him "ouch, that hurts when you hit" seems to work pretty well because he won't do it again immediately and he feels bad about doing it. Only advice that I can give is to be as vocal as you can when you know he might start to get frustrated because they really do understand so much at this age. Like if you have to leave the park and he doesn't want to, really emphasize that it is time to go home, etc. and give him plenty of warnings about leaving. (Hopefully that makes sense!) I really hope this is short lived for you, it's very frustrating.
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E just started this a few weeks ago. At first she hit her brother for a few days, then me and now she's started to hit her friends. I was reading that toddlers do this because they feel it's the only way they have power and they want feel inferior with their size. I usually try to stop her and tell her hitting is not nice and I will not play with her when she hits. But usually she'll hit again and that means a timeout.
I don't know what to do with her in public other than explain that's not how we play, we use gentle hands and I demonstrate gentle hands.
ha. Thank you so much for responding! I found all of your responses helpful and will try out some of your techniques.
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