Hellobee Boards

@Ms.Badger: My heart aches for you. I don't want to say the ol' "you are so strong for sharing", but you really are. I SO appreciate your perspective on this. I think of you often, and I hope that you're finding peace and happiness.

@mrs. bird: I work in hospice and just want to clarify that the meds hospices provide do not hasten death. Sometimes when someone is comfortable they are able to die more quickly than someone who is in agony. It is a horrible misconception that morphine will hazten death and often puts people off from hospice when it really is a wonderful program.

@jetsa: while I appreciate Kara's viewpoint and I'm really glad she's been able to make peace with her own process of dying, I think she's making a lot of assumptions about the end of life and assuming that all other people dying have the same desires she has.

This sentence in particular, actually kind of pissed me off: "In your choosing your own death, you are robbing those that love you with the such tenderness, the opportunity of meeting you in your last moments and extending you love in your last breaths."

I traveled that journey with my own dad, when he died of a glioblastoma. My mom was there in his last year, his last month, his last weeks, his last hours, his last breath. She just traveled that same journey with my uncle (my mom's younger brother) who passed away this past weekend from melanoma that had spread to the liver. My mom was positively haunted by my uncle's last hours--her first words to me when I reached there yesterday were "I wish I could forget those last 3 hours".

My uncle was mercifully "asleep", his organs were shutting down, and the last 3 hours were loud--death isn't like the movies where you just close your eyes and pass away peacefully--it's LOUD and it's messy. Both my dad and my uncle were moaning despite being unconscious, a sign that they were still in pain up until the end, My uncle was making loud gurgling noises as his body struggled to breathe, that got louder and louder until he eventually ceased breathing altogether.

It's traumatic for loved ones to see their siblings, or spouses, or parents die in that way.

I don't think it's more noble, or superior in any way for people and their parents to go through this, any more than I think it's noble or superior for a family to decide to opt out and use pills to hasten the process.

@spartysammy: thank you so much for the wonderful, caring work you do! i have no confusion over what the intent of hospice medication is, i commented on the way i've seen it used by the individual in hospice and their family members, i don't suggest that it followed the intent. It is not intended to hasten death, but i am not sure i'd agree that it is not capable of that, most controlled substances are at some dosage. hospice can be whatever someone wants to make of it, if they're not familiar with it and refuse to learn about it, that's really unfortunate.

Like @lawbee11: I also found the letter extremely condescending. First of all, regarding: "In your choosing your own death, you are robbing those that love you with the such tenderness, the opportunity of meeting you in your last moments and extending you love in your last breaths." -- Her loved ones will be there so she's not robbing them at all of "extending love" in her "last breaths." And why assume her family would prefer for her to suffer just so she'll be here a little bit longer? They sound nothing but supportive.

As soon as it began going into the rah rah religion portion, I started feeling angry. Who says she believes in Jesus? Who says she believes in any religion? How dare you try to thrust your religion upon a dying woman who didn't ask for it? This especially bugged me because I, personally, am an atheist, but I respect other people's right to believe what they want to believe. Unfortunately, I don't think a lot of people feel the same way toward my beliefs (or lack thereof). And sorry, I don't see any beauty in watching my loved ones suffer. This just struck me as a bunch of proselytizing couched in patronizing language.

@MrsSCB: yes this.

I am under the impression Brittany isn't religious but it's neither here nor there.

I imagine the people speaking of the beauty of someone's last moments haven't actually experienced it or are so deeply religious that they take huge solace in being with them as they go to Jesus. Fine but not everyone does

I am frustrated by the people bringing their personal religious belief into this arena and putting it on this poor woman. I'm seeing it all over FB!

Just saw this on Facebook: http://www.people.com/article/brittany-maynard-died-terminal-brain-cancer

@Adira: I can't imagine buying and wrapping all those gifts knowing you wouldn't be there to hand them out. I'm glad she was able to go the way she wanted (though it still sucks that she had to move to a different state to do it), but the whole story is just so sad.

I support her decision. I have no idea what it feels like to be diagnosed a terminal disease. I could do the what ifs it was me but I can't. Not until I'm in that situation. I admire her strength and courage to be make the decision and to be an advocate for the right to DWD. Thoughts and prayers are with her and her loved ones.

Being Catholic, it's not something personally I support. But it has been eye opening for me to follow the case. I hope she and her family are able to find peace now. It's such a sad case, no matter how you look at it.

My main issue though is with the term, "death with dignity." I mean, I get it. It resonates with people more than "physician assisted suicide." And I get that many of the things that happen in death aren't what we would consider dignified. But in hate the implication that one type of death is undignified.

@jedeve: I think the "dignity" part is moreso tied in with the terminally ill patient's ability to choose how he/she dies than with implying that one choice is undignified. Like when someone is pro-choice that doesn't necessarily mean that they're pro-abortion, it just means that they're in favor of giving the woman a right to choose.

@jedeve: Part of my research looked at the use of different DWD terms (v. physician-assisted suicide v. physician-assisted death.) I think the support depends quite a bit on the terms used. I think DWD takes the role of the physician out of the conversation, when the role is actually central to the conversation. I prefer PAD.

@Jess1483: I just read your comments from a few weeks ago -- is your paper published anywhere that I'd be able to read it? I think this subject is fascinating. I took a class in college on ethics and medicine and we had some very intense discussions during this portion of the curriculum.

I'm very sad for Brittany's family, but I'm glad she had the choice. I also wish people would leave religion out of it. I've seen so many comments on Facebook condemning her based on the commenter's beliefs. You're entitled to your own beliefs, of course, but religion should have no bearing on whether this is legalized or not. There are a lot of ethical questions that should be carefully considered, but religious beliefs should not be a factor.

I'll be thinking of her family, my heart breaks for them.

@Jess1483: Thanks, that's a great article. I don't necessarily agree with it, because I support the overall concept of having the option to end suffering during a terminal illness, and I'd like to at least try to develop the most ethical way possible to allow that. But I do agree that in actual practice there are a lot of issues and grey areas, especially when it comes to monetary costs and the way our healthcare system is currently set up. I'd be concerned, as the article suggests, that people might choose PAD for the sole reason that it would save their families a lot of money, or that they could be coerced into choosing it for that same reason. It's such a complicated subject!