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I would say no personally (not no she can't bring her child, but no perhaps she ought not to come at all and she can visit later with the child when everyone is a bit more settled in... because I do think her wanting to not leave her 20 mo old for that long is totally reasonable. I just think that you not wanting to have a 20 mo old in your apartment is also reasonable).

We had my MIL and SIL and 18mo nephew stay with us for 10 days when I was 3 weeks pp and it was sort of awful to be honest. I mean, it was great to see them all, and I'm glad they got to meet LO... but it was horribly stressful. It's really hard to travel with a toddler and my SIL obviously couldn't bring all the toys and foods and stuff he was used to. So just to get him SORT OF okay when they got here there had to be several shopping trips for toys and foods and whatnot. Plus he got sick on the way here so he showed up with diarrhea. Then he came down with a cold the 2nd day which he then passed on to all of us (our 3 week old included). Plus our house was not at all toddler-proofed which made it really hard for our SIL to keep him from killing himself or destroying our house. Basically she spent 100% of her time trying to keep him happy/safe and my MIL spent about 75% of her time trying to help SIL with the toddler. So we had 3 guests and lots of germs and toddler noises and very little help.

And it wasn't so much that I needed/expected help... it was just that having guests at 3 weeks pp was stressful anyways and then add in those other factors and it was sort of just a mess. I don't think it was anyone's fault at all.... I just think that bringing a toddler into a brand new not baby-proofed environment without a lot of familiar things is really hard and made it a stressful week all around.

I have a 20 month old and she's a handful. I would have trouble caring for my toddler and trying to help out a new mom.

On a side note, my daughter is also fully vaccinated yet very good at passing along germs to us so I would be concerned about that too.

I would worry less about the germs and more about the fact that a 20 month old will need to be kept occupied by her mom so..... how will she have time to help you?

Can she make the trip shorter and come alone?

@macintosh: then her toddler's really going to be upset when mom's attention is diverted to you and a new baby Maybe she can come like...a month later, then. Ugh i'm stressed out for you. And i'm going to be in this boat in a couple months, with my own toddler, let alone someone else's!!!!!!!

It's really serious if a newborn gets a fever before the 2mo meningitis vaccine. I would keep a toddler away from my newborn for that reason alone.

Any way you can hire a postpartum doula to help? I think you will want help while you're recovering, but I don't know if you'll find that the options you have lined up will provide the help an support you're looking for. All my "help" wanted to do was hold the baby! Just be sure you are upfront about what you expect them to do and then hold them to it!

@macintosh: If you're not too worried about germs then I would let her bring the toddler and just set up a changing station in your room or in the living room.
When my LO was born we lived in a tiny 2 bdrm house, my mom stayed with us and slept in the baby's room. Baby was sleeping in our room anyway, so we just had a changing area set up temporarily in the living room.

My DD is 26 months old and i just had DS he is now 3 weeks. DH has been home to help and has been consumed with taking care of DD. So I would say no, I know the extra help is great and you have your DH to take care of too not just your newborn. But from my recent experience it was and still is at times difficult to have DD here. It's everything from her wanting to touch, help, the meltdowns, everything is harder. I love her and wouldn't change a thing but the newborn days were more enjoyable when I had DD and didn't have a toddler running around.