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We are in this exact situation. We've lived out of state for 8 years and his sisters have never visited. DS is 13 months and they still haven't made the effort -haven't even brought it up. It is always us who has to visit and then we are made to feel guilty with tons of passive aggressive comments because we don't visit enough. They have kids that are older and I always went above and beyond with thoughtful gifts and they just do not reciprocate. It's ridiculous and I've decided to stop caring and put as much into our relationship as they do...which is very very little.

I get why you're upset. I'm close with my brother and his wife (like, we all went to college together and spent a lot of time together) but only when we're physically together--he is just impossible to communicate with, he takes forever to respond, etc. to be fair, they're very busy--3 daughters and very busy careers, esp bc my sil is a medical reisdent and works crazy non-predictable hours. BUT, I only live about a 60-90 min flight away from them, and they rarely come visit. even though not only are we here, but sil's whole family is here too. sil and one of my nieces came on their own 1.5 years ago, and just last week my brother was here for work and brought the same niece (oldest). both times, I only saw them for a couple hours since they have so much family here that it's hard to split time. It's basically on me to arrange to visit--we were there just for Thanksgiving, but before that not for over a year. They make time to go on other vacations by themselves (during that more than year long space between visits, they went on at least 3 extended vacations, including one cross country and one international...) a couple times per year, but visiting us just doesn't seem to occur to them. I'm not sure when they'll meet lo2 after she's born in February--I asked them about joining a summer family vacation and they declined, and they haven't mentioned visiting at all. Our kids, who are right in the same age group, get along amazingly--my parents basically facetime with me/my daughter every time they babysit, so lo knows and loves her cousins, but I do feel like it's more important to me than it is to them to maintain the relationship...

I guess this all depends on how close your husband is to his sisters normally. Are they much much older than he is, if they have college age children and you guys are just having your first baby?

I'm one of 6 kids and we are very spread apart. My parents got married at 19 and had their first at age 20 and their last at age 41. So we 6 kids are across a 21 year span. So I'm just not super close with my oldest 2 sibs. They were both out of the house by the time I was 5. One moved cross country when I was 6. We don't talk on the phone, we just kind of relay information through my mom. And we are all spread across the us, from California to Texas to several southern states, to us in the NYC area.

None of my siblings came when I had either of my girls. I also didn't expect them to. I have brought my kids to family events that happen about once a year and they see our kids then.

It's too late to edit my post but I want to add-- I think you have a few options. One is specifIcally to invite them--maybe they've been waiting for you to make a gesture. Or you could be direct, and say it has hurt your feelings. Not in an accusatory way, but calmly open a discussion. Or, you can accept that they just have other priorities and let it be. I've taken all of these approaches over the years with my brother and mostly come to the third option of accepting it. I can't change others' behavior, just my response.

Have you invited them? It's only been six weeks and I'd assume they'd be staying with you? I would never invite myself to visit a family with a new baby so soon. Plus it's the holidays and people get very busy and travel is expensive. Also you say they can afford it but you don't really know what people's finances are like. If it makes you feel better my brother lives 45 minutes away and my first son was 3 months old before he met him.

They may be waiting for an invite. The time after a baby arrives can be stressful, so maybe they don't want to presume they can visit any time? My ILs are like that -- they are very worried about stepping on toes, so they would definitely have waited for an invite. DH asked them if they'd like to come and they did when our son was eight weeks old. My family on the other hand just told me they booked an Airbnb for three weeks starting around my due date, lol. People can be very different about travel, I would t assume they don't care!

Everyone has conveyed my thoughts on this already. Based on the original post I would have been surprised if the sisters hopped on a plane to visit your LO.

It's interesting sometimes to see who is there (conveys it or literally) when you have LO. My husband had to take our 5 week old to meet his mom and sisters. Otherwise, who knows when that would have happened. If it's important to you your SILs meet their new nephew, then your annual trip may just have to do.

I think it's really difficult for people to know what to do, but I am not sure what's what is at play in this case.

If you're feeling something, you need to tell them. They might want to come, but feel they need an invite.

If you're not super close then I think it's kind of asking a lot. I'm best friends with my sister who lives 5 hours by car away and she didn't meet either of my babies until they were about 2 months old because I was going to visit the rest of our family and she was planning to come up as well at the same time. It just wasn't feasible for her before then and I totally understood. It's fine that you guys are upset of course you can't help how you feel. But, I would just calmly let them know that you'd love them to come visit if they are up for it or let them know you're feeling upset that they haven't expressed interest in visiting. You're all adults and should be able to work it out amicably. Letting it fester only causes resentment and more problems to build up.

Our siblings both live far away and it never occurred to us that they would travel out just to see DD when she was born. My sister met DD at 5.5 months when we flew her out to visit our grandmother, and SIL met DD at her first Christmas (9 months old).

@thepicklemonster: I dont automatically go visit my brother across country just because he had a baby. Most people assume that its a stressful time and you might want time and space to bond with your new baby. Hosting people with a newborn can be tricky so I wouldnt just assume my brother wanted me to come visit right away.
I know I like my space and get frustrated when everyone wants to come see me with a newborn.
I think if you would like them to visit then you should invite them

We have 3 kids and DH and I both have 2 siblings. All but one came to visit within the first 2 months with our oldest and the reason that 1 didn't visit was because we planned to visit her for Christmas, otherwise she would have come to us too. With our second and third, neither of DH's siblings visited but both mine did. DH's sister lives less than 2 hours away too. I am sad for DH and our kids that they have family that are so uninvolved.

Every family is so different that it's hard to say what should and shouldn't happen after a baby is born. I know some people who would hop on the first plane out to see their niece or nephew and others who would only stop by if it were convenient. I don't have siblings, but my husband's brothers have never shown much interest in our kids. They only see them when everyone gets together for Christmas. I try not to take it personally, but that's hard to do sometimes.

@DesertDreams88: did you have a baby shower and they sent something then? Did they send a text or email or something acknowledging the birth?

I think I"m weird because I don't understand the whole "meet the baby" thing. When I had my own baby it actually annoyed me when people acted like it was such a big deal to come "meet" her because... she's a baby. She looks and acts like a baby. lol. And I was freaking tired. Once she started getting a personality and being more fun (over 6 mo, certainly over a year) I started caring a lot more about people meeting her/her meeting people. Is it possible they just aren't baby people? I feel like I would not make an effort to go "meet" a baby, and it would have no reflection on my feelings for that baby/family.

We did not visit our nephew when he was born, and DH's brother did not visit us when our son was born. We just made it a priority to see each other at Christmas that year with both babies.

My family, including my brother and his fiancee, and my in-laws did come see us after each kid was born. My family lives in the same state, though. Anyway, we never really expected DH's siblings to come visit and we're not planning on going to see our next nephew due in February.