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p.s. I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much drama about this! That's probably the last thing you want to be spending time on right now.

@PrincessBaby: I completely agree that you should be able to request whatever you want of your overnight visitors when they come to visit your newborn and asking them to get these two very common and very accessible shots is not out of the question.
However, my husband did not get either shot and we had a preemie born at the end of December. We had plans to, but the baby came early. I got the whooping cough shot in the hospital and hubs never ended up getting the shot. He was obviously with the baby and holding him everyday. None of us got sick during the winter months and it wasn't until we started weaning a few breastfeeding sessions when he was 6 months old that we got a cold and the baby was the least affected (it hit us much harder).
We kept a lot of hand sanitizer around and asked people to wash hands before holding the baby and did not let obviously sick people hold him. I know every baby is different, but wanted to let you know about our experience.

There were live attenuated flu vaccines (flu mist) that were making some people have a cold but if you get the shot then it's inactivated virus and is not infectious.

I'd talk to her again and say you're really looking forward to seeing her and so thankful she's taking the time to visit but that since it's cold and flu season that you need to take some precautions to prevent your newborn from getting sick when people are staying in the house because illness effects them much more at this young age and often results in hospitalization and you've just heard from too many scary stories from moms. Adults don't always show much outward signs or just think it's allergies but can pass on diseases to LO and you're going to take measures available to prevent that from occurring. Say you'll gladly cover the cost of vaccines for the piece of mind it'll bring you. You might even want to joke about how she and your mom can talk about how crazy you are later but that this would make you feel a lot more secure and maybe even throw in a taking her out to dinner offer

I agree with all of the previous posters. My FIL had surgery before DS was born so he was in the hospital and doctor's office. My BIL, SIL and husband work in a school and I work with kids in residential care. So vaccines were non-negotiable for us. Everyone who saw the baby frequently or who stayed over with us got vaccinated.

I would kindly reply, tell her you have no problem paying for her vaccine if she can't afford it, because you really want her to be able to come visit. I would ask if she can call the neurologist to make sure that the vaccines are fine for her to take. If she still refuses, ask her to come next summer instead. I would say the same to anyone coming to see a newborn.

This is your baby and unfortunately for your sister, your priority is to keep your LO safe and healthy, not accommodate your sister so that she can visit and potentially get your LO sick.

Pertussis is on the rise and there have been outbreaks all over, including in my home community. Babies have died! I would reiterate the risks if you think it would help, but regardless I would stick to your decision and not feel guilty if your sister or anyone else won't agree to be vaccinated.

My SIL is due in January and everyone who hasn't been vaccinated already is going within the month to get vaccinated so we can be around the baby.

@PrincessBaby: I havent read all the posts so maybe someone has already said this,but maybe an email wasnt the best way to bring this up? Some people respond better to things if you talk to them one on one rather than a group email.

i asked all my and DH's immediate family to make sure they were up on their pertussis vaccine and they were fine with it. DH and i don't personally ever get a flu shot, so i wouldn't force anyone to get it either.

that being said, if i were having people over to my house for an extended stay and i felt strongly about it, i would probably pay for family to get the flu shot if they weren't able to do so. it sounds like your sister is just being adversarial though and doesn't get why it's important to you. i would let it rest for the day and then maybe pick up the convo again tomorrow on the phone to explain why and that you're willing to pay for it if cost is the issue. you want to see her and you want your little girl to be safe too.

@T-Mom: yeah i know several people who have gotten flu like symptoms after getting the flu shot, including my baby

I only got the flu shot with my second baby (and none with my first), and my husband didn't get any shots nor did my mom or any other visitors. But, I agree you have the right to ask that.

At the same time, maybe this is not just about the mechanics of the shots? It seems like she's more annoyed with you for trying to make her do something rather than the actual something. Is that a possibility? Because when every excuse in the book comes out (like it is with her) there's usually something else going on.

Maybe after she thinks it over she'll cool off and change her mind...?

I'm sorry this is turning out to be so tough! My parents and brother were happy to get the shots. I'm making sure my husband broaches the subject with his family. I really don't get the resistance to the DTAP. Most people get it when they go for a physical if the doctor finds they are due for a booster anyway, because it includes the tetanus booster. Maybe it's different in other areas, but here you can get the DTAP (n addition to the Flu shot of course) in Walgreens or any other pharmacy for around $40.

@PrincessBaby: Did you get the flu shot while pregnant? If so, doesn't that immune response pass along to the baby, so then the issue would just be Tdap?

ETA: since you aren't being induced for another 2 weeks, if you haven't already been vaccinated, maybe you still can be and protect your LO this way? It won't help solve the drama with your sister, but at least give you extra peace of mind?

@dookie32: I agree.

My family would have responded poorly as well. I can't imagine asking someone to vaccinate. We had upwards of 25 visitors and there is no way I could have kept track of who was and was not vaccinated. Sick people didn't come and everyone washed their hands constantly. Baby stayed healthy. I tend to be pretty lax about things though.

If you have decided that you don't want unvaccinated people around H then I would wait to have visitors until she gets her shots instead of making other people do it. You have a right to make whatever call you want as a mom....even if it means postponing visits.

I think we have lots of family members who see LO on a regular basis who still arent vaccinated.

@PrincessBaby: I didn't finish reading all the responses, but since it's your sister and she had to save a lot of money to come visit, I would try to meet her halfway and see if she would be willing to go to a CVS or Target to get the Tdap shot at least if you paid for it? I told my immediate family about the vaccine, and they were all okay with it but I can see some people being very adamant about getting what they think are unnecessary vaccines. Being that it's your sister though, I'm surprised she's not willing to jump through fire and hoops for her niece! I just told me family that I wouldn't be so concerned except that our friends lost their baby niece at 1-2 months old to this whooping cough epidemic, so better safe than sorry. It made them all sad to hear the story and no objections. Sorry you"re having a tough day with this one hun.

@PrincessBaby: I'm sorry this is such a stressful issue all around. Try to take a few hours - and maybe a nap? - to give yourself a break. Nothing will be solved today with emotions running high.

@PrincessBaby: Oh sweetie {{{HUGS}}} I know what you mean about people who think "like that" vs. think "like us" I guess. I think whatever you decide will be fine. You just have to do what's best for you and your new growing family. I agree with @aprk: and maybe give each other all a cooling off period.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry your family is reacting so badly!!! Ok, take a deep breath and forget about them for a minute. Do a bit of Internet research on the whooping cough epidemic currently sweeping the US and find some strong recommendations from the AAP, the CDC, and Mayo Clinic all saying that those who are going to have extended contact with a newborn really need to have their pertussis vaccination up to date. The baby will get no immunity from you and the earliest she can her her immunizations will be 6 weeks. Pertussis kills babies - this is not a minor cold virus we're talking about. Tell your mom that this epidemic is brand new and if she refuses to follow the medical advice that is current (not what was in place 30 years ago when she was raising babies) then you are not prepared to have her around your LO for extended periods of time until H has received her immunizations. Your baby's health and life is the most important thing and if they can't realise that, then that's their problem and they'll be the ones to miss out on time with the newest member of the family.

I'm sorry this is becoming such a nightmare but stick to your guns - your baby girl is worth it. Good luck!

@IcebergMom: I agree.
You want to hear a pushover's opinion? AH...I am such a damn pushover that I throw EVERYTHING on my husband. My husband is a toughy so he deals with all my family's drama for me. So, maybe that's an option? Sorry friend...I'm a softy.
I would love to be like "force her to get the shot or not to come!" But, I know if my sister did this, I would probably compromise with "Ok...take some Airborne and use sanitizer".
But, my sister wouldn't do that because if I told her I had made a decision based on her NIECE'S health...she would take heed. I think your sister should do the same. However, from her email it seems like she is feeling jealous/resentful/angry? for coming in December and taking precious time off anyways. EEEkkk....you gots some drama on your hands...and guess what? you shouldn't have to deal with this ish right now:)

@PrincessBaby: Gah. SO sorry. Are you sure you want them to stay with you right after you have H?! Seems like that could be a super stressful situation!