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Family Vaccine Request Started Drama- How to proceed?

  1. MrsSCB

    pomelo / 5257 posts

    @PrincessBaby: Ugh, I have been following this since yesterday and haven't commented, but I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I think it is so hurtful that they would give up being there for your first child because of a shot that they haven't actually researched yet. My DH also hates shots (I mean, no one LIKES shots...) but the health of our children would absolutely trump any fear of needles. I feel like it should be the same way for your parents. And to throw in the obvious resentment about your daughter's middle name is just so unfair. She's YOUR daughter. You have no obligations to anyone in naming her--you should be able to name her whatever you like. So sorry you're dealing with this, I hope your family takes some time to cool down before they say something they REALLY regret, it seems like they've gotten very worked up about this

  2. autumnlove

    hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I'm so sorry! I hope they cool off and find a way to be there for you when Harper is born. Ugh, I'm sorry he brought up the name situation!

  3. shinystraps

    apricot / 348 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I'm going to weigh in here because I really sympathize with what you're going through- my husband's family is not a part of our lives and hasn't been for several years, and it just breaks my heart for them that they won't know their grandchild. Because I've gone through that and I know how hard it is for families to come back together after something huge and hurtful... I'm going to say I think you should consider letting this go. I think that you have a right to tell them that you are upset - but I think in the long run, you'll be very sad when Harper is born and they aren't there, and it may cause a lot of damage.

    I know it SUCKS to be the bigger person. I'm sorry My mom says you can be right or you can be happy. And from what you normally post about your family, it seems like you'll be much happier if your family is nearby to meet and love on your newborn. Sorry you're dealing with this. Family drama can be heart-wrenching.

  4. Mrs. Champagne

    coconut / 8483 posts

    @PrincessBaby: Oh no. I am so sorry. Hopefully when they see you are not going to give in they will get the shot so they can meet their grandaughter.

    Also.. her name rocks. So there!

  5. rachiecakes

    coconut / 8279 posts

    @PrincessBaby: (((hugs))) I'm so so sorry My family was the same way, saying they've raised babies for years without flu shots, etc., I allowed people to visit and my mother stayed for a few days but I would've felt the same as you if people were planning on staying for extended periods of time.
    One thing I did besides the sanitizer, soap, kleenex towels, was I used breast milk on DS's nostrils. They say it's good to do when you're on an airplane or out in public because of it's antibodies, it protects them. And if you got the flu shot while pregnant some of that will protect Harper when she's here, too.
    Again, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this

  6. mrsmenow

    persimmon / 1479 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I am sorry this is upsetting you so much. I want to reassure you-I work in health care and I research everything to death and I do feel differently about vaccines than some people. I would be pretty put off it someone required me to get vaccines before coming around their baby. But it wouldn't change the way I feel about those people. I would still love and support them, even if it meant that I would have to wait until the baby was older.

    It sounds like this is the way your family feels. Take some time to cool off from this, give them some time too.

  7. sea_bass

    kiwi / 542 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I am so so so sorry. This is so wrong. This is the birth of your child and their grandchild. You want to protect your child from a legitimate illness that is PREVENTABLE.
    I am so shocked by your family's behaviour. It sounds like there is something seriously wrong with your family...

    I wish I were there to give you a hug and commiserate. You have done nothing wrong. You're the Mom, your are going to have the most amazing birth whether they are there or not. If they want to behave this way and miss out on the most amazing thing ever, its their problem.

    I hope you can find something to do today to make you feel special and take your mind of this sh1tstorm.

    MASSIVE HUGS

  8. ladyfingers

    pomelo / 5331 posts

    @princessbaby ugh, you poor thing I'm so sorry you're getting so much pushback on something that is so important to you. I hope that you're able to come to a solution with your family, but in the end, all that really matters is that you're having a beautiful baby girl very soon, and that she will be safe! Hang in there honey.

    Also just a p.s., not that it matters much, but I don't believe they can get the tdap at Walgreens or CVS. They would have to go to their doctor or to the health department. DH is getting his at the health department because it is cheaper there. It is $46 here. Just in case they turn around!

  9. wheres_c

    pomelo / 5789 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I'm so sorry you're going through this.
    (((hugs)))

  10. DillonLion

    GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

    @PrincessBaby: Oh my gosh I'm so sorry this has escalated the way it has. Unfortunately, I have been exactly where you are pretty much. I didn't even speak to my parents for nearly 3 months in the middle of my pregnancy and it was so awful. We are mostly okay now, but it was really, really hard to get here and I was moments away from cutting them out of my life, permanently (and even spoke to an attorney about a restraining order - I mean it was an UGLY fight).

    ETA: And similarly, our fight it started with the women and I was so sure my dad would be the voice of reason in all of it. That was a big fat NOPE.

    You definitely had the right game plan by trying to give everyone time to cool off before addressing the issue (I tried to do the same thing), but when the other side won't give it any time, you are forced into rehashing things and getting way more upset than necessary. I wish people would let things lie for a little while!

    The timing SUCKS, I know it. I was so freaked out that it was happening in the 2nd trimester. I can't even imagine what it would be like if that fight we had was going on mere days before I'm supposed to give birth. I'm glad you were able to take the day off work today. Can you try and do something to take your mind of things? Maybe you can watch a funny movie or get a manicure or something.

    Hugs, girlie. If you need to talk I am here for you!

  11. lawbee11

    GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said, but so sorry you're going through this again today. When something like this happens it always makes me feel better just to cry it out. I really hope your family comes around. I find it so ironic that life events that are supposed to be the happiest times in one's life (weddings, babies) often lead to arguments and broken relationships over the pettiest things.

    ETA: I think your family members are the petty ones...not you!

  12. NerdBee

    clementine / 828 posts

    Wow I'm so sorry that your family is giving you so much grief. I have no advice, but just wanted to give you big hugs. *hugs!!*

    Just remember that you're doing the right thing by doing what you think is best to protect your precious baby.

  13. lemondrop

    bananas / 9118 posts

    My SIL started the vaccine rule when my nephews were born- no flu and pertussis vaccines, no babies, no going in the house. The end, no exceptions. We were all more than happy to do that to help protect the babies. We continued the rule when my son was born a year later.

  14. PrincessBaby

    cantaloupe / 6610 posts

    I am posting this from my phone so I hope it posts correctly....I just read some info this morning following my emotional collapse after talking to my Dad that said that as of about 2 weeks ago, the CDC is recommending the dTap for pregnant women in their late 2nd or 3rd trimester, because of the increases in outbreaks of whooping cough. It protects the babies because similar to the flu shot, it allows the mother to pass the flu shot onto the baby...
    http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-whooping-cough-vaccine-adults-20121024,0,6371892.story

    So I stopped by my doctor's office, and after some confusion with the nurse who kept insisting I could only get it after delivery, she went and spoke with the doctor and they are telling me that due to these brand new recommendations, I can get the vaccine on Friday at my regular appt.

    So I'm hoping that will solve everything! That I can get the shot and Harper will be protected and my family can still bring their ridiculously frustrating selves down here....I think we will still have some family tension for a few days, but I'm hopeful that me getting the shot is the answer!

    I wish the nurse had not told me yesterday that I could only get it after delivery. She didn't know that the recommendation had changed, but if she had told me that yesterday, we could have avoided so much drama!!!

  15. itsmejules

    olive / 69 posts

    just throwing this in here - when I was 24-25 - my SIL started having kids and started telling us to all get vaccinated. I thought she was crazy. I'm allergic to eggs so I can't get a flu shot.

    Now that I'm a mom, I totally understand. I'm guessing (hoping) they just don't understand the importance and may think you're just being hypersensitive. I agree with the other poster who said email is terrible because things get misconstrued.

  16. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    Glad to hear there might be a solution that will benefit everyone.

    I’m going to go against the grain and say I think you need to apologize to your mom, if you really did say she was
    "ignorant" regarding the TDAP shot.

  17. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I was going to suggest that you get one now - I got one in my 2nd trimester for the reasons you stated and it's supposed to give your baby some preliminary immunity until they themselves can get vaccinated.

  18. Dapple Grey

    clementine / 780 posts

    @PrincessBaby: Wonderful news!!

  19. PrincessBaby

    cantaloupe / 6610 posts

    @yoursilverlining: I said she was ignorant to not ask her doctor about it, and to just assume that she couldn't/shouldn't get it. I absolutely think it's ignorant to not get medical facts about something important, just because you don't want to. I think that researching and asking questions about medical issues is our responsibility as adults, especially in the case of something serious involving a baby or child. I am actually still really hurt by their reactions and how completely vile they are were, and their inability to even TRY to understand the implications for their grandchild. So I won't be apologizing for that. I'm actually still very upset by it.

    I'm glad this is a resolution, but it's definitely going to take a few days or maybe longer for all the hurt feelings to subside, especially for me!

  20. DillonLion

    GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

    @PrincessBaby: Part of the reason our fight took so long to resolve was that I couldn't even look them in the face and say anything nice for a really long time. I held out as long as I could, and waited until I felt like I could genuinely apologize. Even though I felt like I hadn't necessarily done anything wrong, I at least was able to say "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings". But, like I said, it took me a while to get there and as annoying as it was for everyone else, I'm glad I took the time I needed to cool off and saw them once I was ready to work on our relationship again. I hope you can get the time you need to get to a place like that.

  21. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    @PrincessBaby: Well, your call.
    Just playing devil’s advocate – you’ve been pregnant approx. 8 months and have not brought up this issue before now and using terms like “ignorant” when an immediate response isn’t favorable hurts feelings and causes more drama. If you want les drama for their visit, I think it might go a long way to mending fences, but it’s your call.

  22. Crisark

    pomegranate / 3398 posts

    @yoursilverlining: I agree with your assessment of the situation as well.

  23. Mrs. Champagne

    coconut / 8483 posts

    @PrincessBaby: That's good if you can get the shot and avoid your family having too.. however aren't they going to drive you nutty when they visit?!

  24. boiledpnut

    persimmon / 1180 posts

    @ladyfingers: I got my Tdap at Walgreens (as did FIL), so you don't necessarily have to get it from a doctor's office. I don't know if that's just my area or not though.

  25. DillonLion

    GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

    @boiledpnut: Ditto - Walgreens around here has them.

  26. boiledpnut

    persimmon / 1180 posts

    @PrincessBaby: I'm glad you got some good information and don't have to worry anymore. I hope that it doesn't cause anymore tension with you and your family!

  27. ladyfingers

    pomelo / 5331 posts

    @boiledpnut: @highwire: Ah OK -- yeah, ours don't.

  28. birdofafeather

    pineapple / 12053 posts

    @PrincessBaby: i'm sorry you're still dealing with this... i can't imagine that a request that seems so normal to me has escalated this much. i'm glad that you can get your shot, but i don't think that would help me feel better about the way my family reacted. i hope that even if they can't understand where you're coming from, that there is peace when H arrives and this doesn't cause more stress. sorry lady.

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