So, we are starting sleep training tonight. I am nervous about it, but we have to. For the past month, she has been waking up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours (every sleep cycle or 2), she doesn't know how to put herself back to sleep, and we then have to rock her back. We aren't getting any sleep and she isn't either. Anyways, we have to decided to go with the Ferber method. I have read the Ferber book and looked at all the countless CIO posts on here. I did have a question though.....Did you have a cut off point for how long you would let them cry? We are going to do the checks obviously, but what if she cries for like 2 hours? That seems like too long to me, but maybe that is how it works? I was thinking maybe a cut off of 1.5 hours, but then wouldn't all that crying be for nothing?
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following, bc i suspect we may get there
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@Mae: ugh sorry for you too then! it sucks, but I know it will be better for her too because she is not getting quality sleep.
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@ellewoods84: that's becoming abundantly clear to me. I'm still trying to give her a little time to see if she comes out of the other end of possibly the longest sleep regression ever? But I fear this is just her new normal. And besides being exhausted myself I hate how often she has these crazy restless nights and then wakes up exhausted and cranky and we have a rough day. On the occasions when she sleeps well she is SO MUCH HAPPIER all day and I just want to make that happen every night
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We didn't do checks. And we let her cry till she went back to sleep. She had to learn how to put herself to sleep.
Once R was getting good sleep, she was a much happier baby. Mommy was even happier!
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I did checks - no idea how long I would have let him cry - it lasted around 39 mins and then he fell asleep
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We didn't do checks, I set a time for 30 to 45 minutes depending on cry intensity. If she seems too upset or I couldn't handle it after that time I would go back in, rock her for a second, tell her it's bedtime, sing her night night song, lay her back down & start all over again. If we had to do it in the MOTN (if she woke before midnight, I continued with CIO, after midnight I would nurse her) I would sometimes turn the monitor off & set an alarm that way I could rest a little without listening to screaming. She never cried more than 30 minutes thougg. Good luck
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Are you talking about crying for 2 hours with checks? Or going 2 hours in between checks, which is more like extinction.
I did checks as well, and he never cried for more than 45 minutes (with checks). I honestly think that even if she cries for 2.5 hours, you have to be consistent--otherwise, as you said, the crying is for nothing. I REALLY doubt (hopefully!) that she would cry that long, that seems excessive. And if it does happen, you may want to re evaluate whether this is the right time/right method, since I really think it would be very unusual.
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We did this when LO was about 5 months old because his sleep was so crappy - waking up every hour or two. I had DH check-in on him because I couldn't stand to hear my baby cry. We did checks at 2, 5, 10, 15 mins, etc. At first we tried putting him to bed at 6pm, way earlier than his "typical" bedtime of 9p because "sleep begets sleep." But he would cry for about 45 min to an hour. So DH suggested we move the bedtime back to 9pm and progressively make it earlier and that actually helped him cry less (20 min or less) since he was already sleepy at 9pm. It got better after a week in terms of he was no longer crying for long stretches of time (more than 15 mins) but would whimper or cry for a little then fall back asleep.
There is hope mama! It will be hard no doubt during the first couple days, but babies are quick learners and more resilient than we think. It may not even take the whole week that it did with my DS. My DS is 18 months tomorrow and has been STTN since he was 10 months (that's when we stopped doing night BFing).
ETA: After doing this his naps, which were previously non-existent, were MUCH better. "Sleep begets sleep" they say. He was also a lot happier during the day. While it sucked hearing him cry during that week we did Ferber, it was necessary for everyone in our family and I don't regret it.
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We followed the method in the book exactly, but I had a two hour limit in my head of when I would just admit defeat and go in and rock her to sleep. We never got anywhere close to 2 hours so I never had to do that but I think it helped tone down my anxiety to have a cutoff in my head.
I know different things work for different babies, but the Ferber method helped our family SO much.
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I had it in my mind that we wouldn't go past 45 minutes, with timed checks. What ended up happening was that we'd have to do multiple intervals, like he'd fall asleep after 25 minutes, then he'd wake up again and we'd have to do it all over again. I didn't do more than 3 cycles a night.
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@Mae: Yeah...I don't think this is the sleep regression for us anymore. Well, you know O baby's sleep already sucked and now that she's just about 5 months, I think these are just bad habits that we need to break. She has no idea how to fall back asleep if she wakes up. When she wakes and cries, as soon as we pick her up, she is asleep within 30 seconds-1 minute of us holding her and walking around the room. But...having to do this every 45 minutes, well, no. It isn't working for us or for her anymore! So, I hope that Fia can get back to her awesome sleeping skills! Hopefully, you guys will come out of the regression and she will go back to her used to be. If not, you can join in on this fun!
@Smurfette: Yeah, that is what I keep telling myself! Of course I feel better with more sleep, but she will too! And I can't wait for that.
@Mamaof2: well, I hope we have as much success as you!
@Mrs. Sunshine: Thank you. We are planning on doing checks, not sure how it is going to go. Hopefully they don't piss her off. But, 30 minutes is good! I hope she only cries that long.
@hilsy85: I was saying 2 hours with checks, which does seem like an awfully long time! I don't think she will cry that long, but then again, my daughter is very.....spirited. But, I don't think she will cry that long. We did a half ass attempt like 1 month ago at this and she only cried for about 35 minutes the first night, so I am hoping now that we are really doing this, she will do something similar! We just have to be consistent this time, I refuse to let her cry for nothing!
@jojepie: Well, sounds like we have similar situations! I am also making my husband do the checks. Last time we attempted this, I was doing it and that is why we gave up. I am too weak. I am so happy to hear your success story. We plan on keeping her bedtime the same (9 pm) and then like you, slowly getting earlier as the weeks go by. I don't think we would have success if we made her bedtime early and then did the ferber. I am not looking forward to it, but if we can decrease her night wakings from 10-15 wakings to around 2-3, I would be so happy.
@My Only Sunshine: Yeah, I think the 2 hour limit is just more for me, but like others have said, if she is crying for 2 hours, something is probably not right! It shouldn't take that long hopefully. And I am glad you guys didn't get anywhere near 2 hours. All these success stories are making me feel much better about tonight!!
@looch: If you didn't do more than 3 cycles a night, did you just do whatever you were doing before to get him to sleep? -
@ellewoods84: yeah the checks pissed my LO off when we tried them at naps so we just skipped it at night lol i hope it works out for you!
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@ellewoods84: So, the bad news is that, yeah, we'd do what we were doing before, which is cosleeping. And after a few nights, we'd make the determination that our son wasn't ready for sleep training. Rinse, repeat.
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@ellewoods84: I believe Ferber says there is no limit at night... And 30 min for naps. We just did CIO for MOTN wake ups for the same reason (way too many wake ups). The worst was 1.5 hours, but it was off and on, not solid crying.
While DS would initially cry harder when I went in, I think it did help to do checks because he would often fall asleep right after one of the checks.
Good luck, it's rough but we just did it, and last night (night 4) he slept all night!!!
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@Emsmems: I am glad it worked so well for you! I thought I read that in the book, but I couldn't find it again, so thanks! Yeah....the longest she cried last night was 70 minutes, off and on. And she was the same as your LO, she would cry harder when we checked, but then after a check she would fall asleep after like 1 minute. So, tonight is night 2, abd we shall see!
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@ellewoods84: We found that consistency was so, so important (we did 5 minute checks). The one night I decided that he maybe was hungry and I needed to go back in after about 20 minutes to nurse him, we literally had to start over with sleep training the next night. So if possible, grit your teeth and prepare for a long stretch. It's obvious from your posts that you have tried everything and believe in your heart this is what your child needs. I tried to just keep reminding myself that I still had him vaccinated even though he cried, and sleep is as essential to his health.
I hope you have one of those kids who cries for a day or 2 and then sleeps through the night forever. But it took us 15 nights of at least some crying (typically under 5 minutes) and now we are in a really good place (with nights, naps remain a total disaster). So don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results. Good luck!
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I am following you so that can also sleep train my 4 month old. How many times did she wake up after falling asleep and after that how long she cried. How did you deal with that?
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@ellewoods84: our cut off point was 1.5 hours( with 10-15 minute checks). We knew that after that point, she would be hysterical and not likely to calm down. She never made it to that point though. Good luck!
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We did extinction and it worked beautifully. The longest he cried was 60 minutes on and off. I've been amazed at the changes in him with regards to night sleep and naps - didn't really have to nap train, its almost like he just understood that the crib was for falling asleep, and got on with it! Good luck, I hope its an easy road for you - you'll all be so much happier once you get more than an hour's uninterrupted sleep
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hows tonight going?
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@Little Misters Mom: yes, I do know consistency is key! I have wanted to go rescue her several times, but then I know all the crying last night and so far tonight would be for nothing. I hope it doesnt take her long to get the hang of it, but only time will tell. And 5 minutes isn't bad. If that's what it takes for her to get some sleep, I will take it! I am glad this method worked for you guys.
@Jass: well last night was the first night....she woke up 7 times total after falling asleep which is pretty typical for her. We are training because she was waking 7-12 times a night and we would have to rock her back to sleep which would take sometimes upwards of 30 min and then she would wake sometimes 15-20 mins later. But anyways, the longest she cried last night was 70 minutes. And sometimes a wake up was only 2-3 minutes of crying. I hate to hear her cry like that so I pretty much disappeared and my husband did the checks. We shall see how tonight goes. I read the ferber book and we are following those guidelines.
@Mrs. Oatmeal: yeah we said 1.5 hours too! She didn't make it there last night...but I was worried! We always call her a drama queen so I was expecting some real drama! It was bad, but at least she didn't cry for 2 hours like I thought she would!@ScarletBegonia: wow! That's awesome that it all fell into place for you guys like that! I hope we have good results like that. And yes....I think we will all be happier with more sleep! I haven't slept longer than 2 hours in......probably 2 months? And neither has she! So I know it's for the best for everyone!
@Mae: ugh sucks to hear her cry like that but I am trying not to listen as my husband is doing the checks. So far lots of tears from both of us again, but not as much from her. She cried 9 minutes, slept for 40. Woke up, just cried 50 minutes off and on and is now sleeping. We shall see. Sleep training is not for the weak! -
@ellewoods84: I'm so not looking forward to it, but try to remember you're doing it FOR her not TO her. And remind me of that when we try this in a few weeks
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@Mae: Yeah...it will suck. Maybe Fia will magically go back to be a rock star sleeper? That would be awesome. But, yes, thanks for that advice. Its just hard to remember when she is crying so hard for so long and I can't go in and console her. But, I know consistency is key and we cannot back out now. Otherwise, she cried for so long for nothing. When it is finally time for her to eat, I am actually happy because I can pick her and hug her. But, if you do decide to sleep train I will be here to support you! When were you guys thinking of starting?
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