Hi everyone,
Longtime lurker, first post! I am in desperate need of encouragement and advice. My baby is 9 weeks old. He sleeps pretty well at night, usually doesn't give us a hard time going to bed and usually wakes only to nurse and goes back to sleep. He sleeps 3-4.5hrs at a time. I can live with that for now...
The problem is daytime! I know this is not an unusual issue. I also know that he's too young to enforce a schedule. However, my main worry is that his lack of napping is not allowing him to get his total needed hours of sleep! At his age, I'm reading that he needs something like 15plus hours per 24hr day. He's only getting about 12.5-13ish hours. This drives me crazy! Should I be worried?
I feel Ike I'm doing everything I can- swaddle, white noise, dark room, lullabies.... Sometimes it works but more often it doesn't. I'll be honest and say that I've let him cry, hard, for up to 5-10min when I am at my wit's end. No matter. Doesn't help. I'm trying to establish good habits at this stage, a la Weissbluth's recommendation to start good habits early, but it doesn't seem to be working. Sometimes he sleeps for 20min, sometimes 1-2hrs. When I get really stressed out about his lack of daytime sleep, I'll resort to holding him (this doesn't always work either).
Soooooo..... I guess I'm posting just to get it off my chest. I'm incredibly stressed out about this and I believe it's taking a toll on me psychologically. I worry that he's overtired (he can get fussy) but there's not much more I can do to help him sleep. I also worry that it's going to start taking a toll on his night sleep, which so far have been decent..... Everyone says it gets better but I don't know if I'm going to make it!
Please help this worried, exhausted first-time mom feel better! 
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I'm sorry-- this phase is so hard! On top of being exhausted and overwhelmed with being a new mom, you are also sure that you are doing something wrong and that's why your baby isn't following what the books say and you clearly are establishing horrible sleep habits which will haunt him forever (or.... am I the only one who felt like that?)
At that age we were nursing to sleep. It sucked to break the habit later, but I don't think there was any other way. I also did a ton of Moby naps. The Moby may have saved my life.
It sounds like you are doing the right stuff and baby just has to figure it out. Hang in there.
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aw. It is so exhausting. Honestly, I tried really hard not to stress about schedules or habit forming in the beginning. I feel like for the first 3/4 months, you really just need to do whatever works.
Have you tried a swing? Carrying in a wrap? Sometimes I used to turn the bathroom fan on and rock L in a dark bathroom until he fell asleep.
I hope you get some rest mama!
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My LO was not getting 15 hours a day at 9 weeks and doesn't sleep the "recommended" amount now either (at 3.5 months). He was also a fussy little guy especially in the evenings at 9 weeks...Your baby might be different from the charts.
I keep waiting for some magic moment when he will start doing all the things he "should" do, and it doesn't happen. If you're following his cues (ie, you're using all those tricks you've mentioned to help him sleep because you know he needs to sleep) and doing the best you can, you're doing just fine.
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@foodnerd: that's about how I'm feeling now..:( I'm resorting to a carrier more lately as well. He doesn't nurse to sleep for naps (doesn't seem to relax him during the day for some reason) but I do nurse to sleep for bedtime, which usually works...
@twist: he hates the swing! I use a different carrier, but yeah that works sometimes...
@gilmoregirl: thanks for reminding me that the charts and reality are sometimes different... I feel like I am following his cues, so that's why it's so frustrating when he doesn't fall asleep when I know he should! ack!! -
@BabyTsMom: Aww, I was totally where you are a couple months ago. I just did whatever worked for the first 3-4 months. She never got her recommended amount of sleep until 4.5-5 months when did light sleep training. Her pedi just told me to do the best that I could and do whatever works. until 3-4 months. It is SUPER hard and exhausting and stressful!! To be completely honest, I didn't really start enjoying her until recently (5.5 months now). Just do the best you can for now and try not to worry too much! Hugs!
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Hang in there momma! I know it's rough, but it will pass soon enough.
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@BabyTsMom: ugh! Sounds like you're doing everything right. You just have a little one who loves to be awake. Just hang in there!
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I'm sorry
My LO is just about your baby's age and I can tell you she really never sleeps 15+ hours/day! Her normal is anywhere from 10-14 hours, but usually it is around 12-13 hours. I definitely get the nap stress and I totally try to work on getting longer day time naps because when she has short naps she is crankier... but as long as she is happy, I'm happy. And I'm not at all concerned about her health from lack of sleep... I just want her to sleep more because she's happier when she does (but still when I say sleep more I mean 13-14 hours vs 11.)
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@abbydabby: I'm glad things are better for you now. I'm not really enjoying motherhood at this point. I'm planning to sleep train him at 12weeks, which I know is super early but I don't think I'm going to last much longer than that.
I just hope it works.
@mae: our babies sound similar! I agree that if he seems ok, then why stress? But of course, I do. And he does seem crankier when he only cat naps. Arggggghh.Please tell me it gets better! I believe this preoccupation with his sleep, combined with my own lack of sleep, has caused me to develop postpartum anxiety. It's gotten slightly better recently but I am on fragile ground. (I have medication but only use it when I really feel bad)... I just wish I didn't worry so much about it, and wish I could be the mom that goes with the flow....
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So sorry, I hope things get better soon! I know he is young, but have you tried anything like the EASY routine? Sometimes just having a pattern can help both you and LO. Doesn't work for everyone, but I would definitely say it's worth a try. It's so hard because every baby is different, but for mine I often had to put him in the swing, turn on the vacuum (I know that's weird but he loved it), and then sometimes go sit in the bathroom with the fan on and shower running while I just breathed in the steam and cried or calmed down or whatever. Sometimes I would even spend 10 minutes playing a game on my phone or reading a chapter in a book I like! Whatever I had to do to calm myself basically, because otherwise LO picks up on your stress and it just makes it all worse.
And I would take the medicine on a more regular basis. PPD is serious business, and the medication is most effective if you're taking it every day. It can really help.
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@BabyTsMom: it really does get better, a lot better! Wen is different for everyone but for us, we sleep trained just for falling asleep around 3.5 months and she started getting better shortly after that. Naps were still a struggle occasionally but not like the first few months. And she stopped absolutely losing it when she was overtired. Once baby started going with the flow a little more, I was able to start going with the flow.
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Aw naps can be so frustrating! My lo really loved sleeping in his swing at that age but he was swaddled too and I could only put it on the slowest setting. He hated when it went any faster.
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@BabyTsMom: Every baby is different! I don't think 12-13 hours a day is a detrimental lack of sleep. I am a do what you gotta do to get your baby to sleep person, so I willingly spent my entire maternity leave holding my baby (or putting her in the swing) for all her naps. She slept great at night in her bassinet and always transitioned well to new sleep situations, so I wasn't worried about creating bad habits. Sometimes it's about survival though and you can break bad habits later!
A long nap is considered 1 hour or more, so if you're getting one of those, it's a good thing! Their sleep changes so much in the first few months, try not to get pre-occupied with what he's doing or not doing compared to what everyone says he should or shouldn't be doing. Just do what works for you to maximize your rest (and sanity!)
I will say that around 12-15 weeks, things get SO much better all around! That horrid witching hour(S) starts to fade and you have finally started to recognize baby cues and they do a better job at communicating what they want/need. Hang in there, momma! You're doing PERFECT!
Also, I must say that I started feeling so much better and more relaxed about things when I accepted the fact that for the first year (or maybe more) there is no such thing as "normal" anything (especially sleep!) Once you think they're finally settling into a predictable pattern or routine, they switch it up on you! I just go with the flow and let baby lead me.
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@babytsmom: First off, it WILL get better!!! I didn't particularly enjoy motherhood either when DS was 9 weeks. He became extremely fussy during the witching hour and I would do the Happiest Baby on the Block's five S's (swaddle, side/stomach position, shush, swing, suck). Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. DS did not sleep the recommended number of hours a day and woke up several times overnight. I didn't think I'd make it. But I did. And you will too!!! I promise
Like @.twist. and @abbydabbydoodlebug said, you just do what works. For naps, that meant rocking DS to sleep in his bouncy chair. Or letting him sleep in the car and driving around for two hours (drive-thru Starbucks became my best friend). Reading the book, "The Fourth Trimester," by Susan Brink helped put what DS and I were going through in perspective. Around 3 months, life started to get a whole lot better at our house. Hang in there and feel free to vent anytime!
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@wonderstruck: I guess I do a loose EASY, but I don't stick to the time guidelines if there are any. I basically feed on demand which turns out to be every 2.5-3hrs, and try to make sure that he's prepared for a nap every 1.5hrs or so. But it's the getting to sleep that's the issue.... And re:meds, I only have anti-anxiety meds which are for short-term use, whereas antidepressants are for longer use. I'm considering asking my doc if I need that as well...
@catomd and everyone else, thanks for trying to make me feel better. That witching hour can be no joke! I'm 100% unsuccessful in getting him to nap in the late afternoon/early evening, unless it's in a carrier. I'm such a newbie at this and not "succeeding" is really hard! I am also getting to the point where I'm going to just do what I have to do as well. And maybe loosen up on trying to establish good habits now, if they are negatively affecting how much he sleeps.
@katrocap: I sure hope life gets better around three months! I'm wanting to train him then if I have to, even though I know it's very early....hopefully I won't have to but I'm preparing myself just in case... -
Do whatever works. Honestly, I stressed abt bad habits and my LO broke most of then on her own. I miss her nursing to sleep! I world try different wraps and carriers. What about the stroller? I was walking mine pretty much every nap at that age (she started falling asleep at home on her own around four mo). Or even a car ride sometimes? I promise you it gets better. Be good to yourself and just try new things until you find something that works.
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Remember that we are all newbies at some point! And try not to be hard on yourself. People said to me all the time, "enjoy this time, it goes by so fast", etc., and I felt pressure and guilty because I wasn't enjoying it.
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@BabyTsMom: my LO has always had low sleep needs. I think at that age she got maybe 11-12hrs total in a 24hr period?
She was a really fussy baby but it was unrelated to sleep. She was a chronic 20 minute napper!
It's definitely stressful and frustrating though! But just so you know those recommended sleep ranges definitely do not apply to all babies. Try searching for low sleep needs on the boards and I bet you will see a lot of posts pop up!
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@BabyTsMom: Hi! I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you. My daughter is 12 weeks old, and we struggle with naps on a daily basis. I feel like I spend my entire day trying to get her to sleep/then once she falls asleep, stay asleep. I just think some babies are better sleepers than others, but for the most part a lot of babies need help getting to sleep. So, I stress too about her lack of sleep and then think, oh, she's going to be so overtired and then she won't sleep and then we won't sleep...am I ever going to sleep again, etc. It's exhausting! So, while I don't have any real advice, sometimes its nice to know that you are not the only one going through this. Her needs and schedule changes on a daily basis, so I think we just have to remind ourselves that this is just phase and it will pass. Hope you are hanging in there!
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@ellewoods84: yep sounds like we're struggling through the same stuff! It sucks! I feel like I'm getting worse at putting him to sleep for naps, not better!! And I'm typing this as I hold LO in a rocker so he'll get at least SOME sleep today.
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@BabyTsMom: yep, it does suck. My baby has barely napped all day today. And because of it she's very fussy and not very much fun. But, what can you do! We just have to say...this too shall pass and it will! My baby is currently taking a boob nap. On the boppy, boob in mouth. Whatever works.
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I'm late to this thread, but this sounds just like Xander at that age! He only slept 12-13 hours tops at 9 weeks. And his naps were usually only ~30 minutes. Here's an example of one of the days:
10:23 AM - Sleep 1hr
12:51 PM - Sleep 20min
04:37 PM - Sleep 35min
07:54 PM - Sleep 1hr 15min
09:50 PM - Sleep 5hr 45min <-- this was probably the first time he slept that long!!
04:08 AM - Sleep 3hr 50minTotal Sleep: 12hr 45min
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my 7 wk old takes all her naps in a wrap or a stroller! try wearing your baby most of the day - your baby might love it and take longer naps.
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