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We have only been married for about two and a half months, but I would say that it's been very smooth so far. Then again, we have been together for almost eight years and have lived together almost 5 years out of it, so that could be why!! We definitely have our moments and fights, but we are a lot better at communicating than we were when we were still in college!
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For us, the first year was great, but it was our 3rd year living together and boy did we have some fights before then. It takes quite a while to compromise about living styles. Hopefully after the move, things with smooth over!
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Oh, FOR. SURE! I'd been with DH for 5.5 years when we got married, lived together for 3 of those years and our first 6 months of marriage were still awfully hard! It gets better, I promise, just hang in there!
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We have been married for 9 months so far and it has actually been a lot better than when we were just dating/ engaged because we already had a child together, I lived with my parents and he lived with his. We were always fighting because his parents wouldn't let him take her and we were never together. Now that we are actualky together we still jave our moments but is sooooo much better now.
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our first year was rainbows and kittens compared to our 5th year. All is well now though!
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Our first year we went through quite a few transitions, moving a long distance included (although we already lived together.) it was definitely rough.
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It is soooo extremely encouraging to hear that what I am going through seems to be pretty common/normal. DH and I had a very frank discussion that we were both concerned about the status of our marriage and we were both scared. But I have to say, that now we are putting us first and are trying to concentrate on us.
Thank you for all of your kind words
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We didn't live together before marriage either, and there were definitely some very rough moments. I have to say though, that it wasn't nearly as hard as people had made it out to be! We had only been together about 2 years before we got married, and were pretty young, so I think we were still in the "honeymoon phase" for the first year. It felt like a big adventure and was very romantic.
The SECOND year though was tough! There were a lot of reasons for it, but we struggled and actually went to counseling. It wasn't bad all the time or even most of the time, but it was a harsh reality after the bliss of our first year. We are now coming up on our second anniversary and have definitely found the bliss again. I know it sounds gooey, but there is nothing better than falling in love with your own husband all over again.
You will have horrible times and wonderful times. Everyone's experience for when those times happen, or how much they happen, is different, but that is an absolute given in every marriage. Try to enjoy the good times. In our rough patches, I found myself intentionally focusing on my grudges and not letting myself be happy with DH. I think women in particular can be self-protective and afraid to trust, but like others have said, you married him for a reason. Don't lose sight of that! It will be okay.
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We've only been married for 2 years this past April but I can already tell you, 2nd year has been SO much better than the first. it was extremely hard - we never lived together before either, and what an adjustment. we were at each other's throats starting from month 1 - like you, I was extremely happy to be married but omg sometimes I really wanted to strangle him. And moving is one of the most stressful things you go through - i think it's completely normal that you're lashing out at each other haha believe me i know how you feel, we're closing on a house tomorrow and getting ready to move and I just want to crawl up into a hole and not deal with anything. don't worry - it gets SO much better.
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The first year was hard for us because of a number of reasons. We only lived together for about a year before we got married. We had a big move that took us away from our comfort zone of close family and friends. There were some medical issues which created a strain on our new jobs and finances. We had some drama from the wedding that spilled over into our first year married.
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We are 7 months in as of this past Tuesday and it's been great. Nothing any different than before we got married. We'd lived together for like 6 months before we got married so it wasn't a shock or anything.
Here's to hoping the last 5 months of our first year is as smooth! -
For us, we lived together for a couple years before getting married. I'd say that the first year of living together was MUCH more difficult than our first married year. We almost broke up! We didn't, and now we're so happy with a baby on the way any day now. Hang in there and keep talking to each other. The fact that you've both acknowledged how you're worried about your relationship is a good sign because you have motivation to get through it. Good luck!
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@PastaAndPotato: @pregnantbee: I totally agree with both of you! We lived together for about 2 years before getting married, and I definitely thought the first 6 months of living together was REALLY HARD. The time since our wedding has been easier, but I can only imagine that getting married AND moving in for the first time is even more stressful because it's sort of twice as much life change at one time!
@MrsBrewer: Hang in there! I've only been married since October also but I can vouch that the living together part will definitely get easier =)
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yes. i think we really had to learn how to communicate in our first year, and we didn't get a hang of it until maybe a year ago. so it was 2 tough years! both my husband and i default to quiet states when we are relaxing, so we ended up not talking a lot. but then we started instituting date night and that helped us open up more with each other. sounds scary because we probably should have been at that point BEFORE we got married. but now we're a-ok! i love him more today than i did when we got married, which i naively thought was not possible at the time.
i also think it is important to learn how to fight efficiently. instead of staying mad at each other for a few days, try to resolve things asap. for us, this entailed me understanding that its better to be married than to be right, and there are certain things that i just need to let go of. i still struggle with it, but i'm working on it.
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I think we worked out all the kinks since we had been dating for 8 years before getting married! We went through an international move together during that time. That was really stressful, though!!
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We just had our first anniversary two weeks ago, and it's been a very easy first year. We hadn't lived together beforehand and based on all my friends experiences, I expected to have a rough first year. But it never happened. The only thing that I can think of is that we're older (met at 29 and married at 31). I think we're both much more mature than we were in our early to mid 20s, so maybe if we had met earlier, we would have had the typical hard first year?
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