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@spaniellove: wow. I'm so sorry she's not concerned about your health :(. Wanna come to my house? I'll make sure you're taken care of that being said, I think that I'd bring an extra side or casserole that you might be able to use as a main dish for yourself. That way you're not making her be weird but you have at least two safe things you can eat. Just play it off like 'oh I saw this recipe and I HAD to try it!' Or 'it's a holiday favorite for my family and I wanted to share'

Good luck

Um, don't eat it and suffer. Don't risk your health on her account. Or anyones!

My PILs don't cook for me, either. It's like they go out of their way to serve everything covered in meat so I can't even have a side dish. I've started bringing my own food and stopped caring what they think.

The inside of the turkey should be okay right? If you don't eat the skin? I would just stick to turkey and what you brought yourself. And if anyone questions you blame the pregnancy, your stomach is just bugging you that day! Everyone will understand.

My sweetie has a lot of food allergies (casein, gluten, soy, and all nightshade vegetables: potato, tomato, eggplant, peppers, spice peppers like paprika, cayenne). We generally try to bring enough food that sweetie can have a reasonable meal, even if the only edible food is ours.

My sweetie will take some small risks (probably, but not definitely safe) in eating at other people's homes, but if the food unambiguously has unsafe ingredients, no.

Depending on the nature/severity of your food sensitivities, you can also try to pre-medicate yourself to minimize reactions to cross contamination -- benadryl, digestive enzymes.

I'm sorry she's not more accommodating, that sucks.

@spaniellove: I would bring a couple of extra dishes!

I would take an extra dish. That is what I do when I go to a family members that I absolutely cannot stand the cooking and now that I am dairy free for LO we will for sure bring stuff we can eat whenever we go there.

Don't eat and suffer!! I would just what you know is safe.

Bring other dishes. I have a bad nut allergy. I try to make sure that no nuts are added to stuff. We'll see how the inlaws do it on Christmas. Even at work, we had a big team meeting. Person in charge of catering never asked about food allergies and got a lot of stuff with nuts on it. So, I ate about half of what was offered.

Definitely don't suffer, especially because you're pregnant! I like the idea of bringing a few other things that you can eat. That is my plan for our 2nd thanksgiving this year, though my allergies are less of a problem (and my friends are more accommodating).

Definitely don't eat her food if it makes you ill. I would bring another another filling side dish the entire family can eat (with her permission of course) and that way you will have TWO items to eat. Or bring your own alternative meal and let them be weird. As much as modifying a recipe is annoying (and does change the taste) I gladly do it so a guess can eat everything.

I have a similar issue when I eat at the IL's. Usually I just eat the one thing I brought and no one really notices. It sucks when it's a holiday like Thanksgiving, that you want to be able to enjoy the food too! I would bring a few extra things that you know you can eat, and then make yourself a feast of all your favorite things to eat over the weekend! Last Thanksgiving with the ILs, I pretty much ate nothing and it sucked. But then when we got home I just made a whole Thanksgiving dinner and all was right with the world again

I agree with those who said to play the pregnancy card! And/or bring more food. Don't eat and suffer!

I wonder if you could say you won a raffle at the grocery store or something and bring along a few dishes. Perhaps it would help smooth over the fact that she vetoed you bringing more food. I guess the only upshot of their being such a small amount of choices is it will make it easier for you to eat...

Allergies are no joke, my husband has many and it is so tricky. People seem willing to accommodate one or two things but once the list is long they seem to just give up -- not that I don't understand, it is overwhelming but it makes big gatherings hard for him. We wind up bringing lots of dishes and just playing it off that I like to cook.

@googly-eyes: Of course no argument I was upset about it for several reasons. First, she didn't reach out to me to find out what she could bring to enhance my carefully planned and thoughout menu. Second, her proportions were not at all the size of what I made for the sides. Third, she brought it in a sauce pan and I didn't have a nice serving dish or extra serving utensils to accomodate the unexpected dish. Second and Third are important to me because I like my table and buffet to look a certain way. Fourth, her food doesn't taste good. Fifth, I am in the camp that unsolicited food and drink a guest may bring is at the discretion of the host to serve because it's a gift.

just do it, bring a side dish or two that you can eat. you don't need an excuse, especially when you're doing it in order to have something you can eat without reacting!!

I agree that guests shouldn't make more work for the host, but I feel that family (parents, ILs, and siblings) should be willing to accommodate. If they aren't then you should bring your own food even if they say not to, they should care about you not getting sick, especially when carrying their grandchild...

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: ah I never thought of it as making more work for the host(ess) but then again I think where I'm from nobody puts too much effort into the look of things. All good points, I never thought about the proportions either. Eta thanks for the explanation!!

Sounds like you've figured it out, but that sucks that they don't accommodate for you.

Last year I single handedly made full thanksgiving dinner for a 20 person crowd that included a celiac, gluten free by choice, 2 people on Atkins induction, a lactose intolerant, one who doesn't do spices, a vegetarian, a vegan, a diabetic and a pregnant person, and managed to accommodate everybody's dietary needs well enough that nobody went hungry.