Hellobee Boards

@lisa1783: awwwwww I'm sorry! I made some of those comments in jest. And a lot of it is more directed towards those of a older generation or males in our generation who may still be raised with the mentality of strict gender roles. Which I know won't be the case in your family!

I would try not to worry about the physical aspect. There are short petite Caucasian men too! Some prefer that type!

And there are very manly big Asian guys! DH is a pretty big Chinese guy, comparatively. I admit, in my early twenties I thought I'd marry a white guy b/c I was not into scrawny Asians who only talks about finance & cars DH is literally the most non-stereotypical Chinese guy I had ever known.

This breaks my heart b/c I work with middle & high school Asian kids, and I know a lot of guys have low self esteem b/c they're not tall enough (and will never be)

@snowjewelz: I have a non-stereotypical Asian husband too (Korean)-- he is muscular and brawny, and he is bad at math!! he majored in english with a concentration in creative writing-- poetry, to be exact. He IS stereotypically short-- 5'7" -- but I'm more insecure about it than he is. He got over it in middle school.

I don't really worry about it but my husband tells me that a 5'1" Dr. at his work gets a lot of comments about his height.

@mrs. wagon: Good for him! I think for a lot of Asian guys, they can't get over it themselves and they almost cast as much judgement on themselves as other people might.

My boyfriend in college was only like 5'5, but I'm 5' so I always said as long as he's taller than me I'm good! I know it's so hard for them b/c girls (Asian or not) talks about their dream guys and height is always such a huge factor and meanwhile the girls themselves don't even have to be taller to have that standard.

@T-Mom: Same.

I purposely didn't even click into that thread because I knew it was going to be full of typical, stereotypical Asian boy nonsense. DH experienced some racism growing up - he distinctly remembers the shift - he was in 2nd grade when he first started recognizing that he was "different", and he said he went from a social, hammy lil' boy to an introverted, quiet, keep to himself kind of guy. So sad that it starts so young. He is confident and sure of who he is now, but those early experiences had a huge impact on him.

I think there is a shift in the media (slowly but surely) about Asian men, and I think they are being portrayed in a more positive light now. But then again, I live in California where it's pretty diverse and there are a lot of Asians, so not sure if this is really true for the rest of the country.

I remember that Danny Chen story well... and remember how appalled I was when I read about it. So so sad...

I don't have any children yet, but my brother ended up fine. He was definitely smaller when he was young but when he started playing football, he definitely beefed up. He also got in trouble with the law in his high school years, so people certainly didn't think he was weak. I don't think he did those things to prove that he wasn't a weak asian. He did those things because that's what he wanted to do and it was his personality. My brother is married now with kids.

I read that Buzzfeed article and laughed through most of it but it turned creepy when I realized I was thinking of my brother while reading it. Ahhh! Because of that reason, I didn't share it on my FB wall.

My children will be half and half so it will be different. My nieces and nephews are half and half, too, so I have them to relate to.

I was a smaller half-Asian kid but ended up hitting the gym when I was in junior high school to get bigger. It made a huge difference. Height may be set by nature, but muscles can be nurtured!

@lisa1783: Ugh I know about the mama's boy thing! To Asians, it's absolutely not an indication of who the guy is if he's living w/ his parents well into his twenties, but to the general public they are either seen as mama's boys, or free loaders. To us, it's more or less traditional and normal to live at home till you get married for both guys & girls.

@Mrs. High Heels: Totally agree! I feel like maybe a short guy of another race might get even more flack b/c they're expected to be bigger?

@mrbee: Haha love your attitude!

I don't think my LO will be short since neither me, DH or any of the men in our immediate family are short but I do worry about racism and stereotypes since we live in a predominately white neighborhood. DH and I agree that our boy and girl will play sports because it promotes so many good things on top of physical benefits - team work, learning how to win and lose with grace, etc. I think a reason we didn't voice, even to eachother, was so that his peers wouldn't see him as an outsider.

How much of the stereotyping will be done by us though? My DH sometimes has to remind me to not be a tiger mom. My kids are super young (19 months & 3 months) so it's not like I'm making them play the violins or anything but I'll catch myself saying why can't he shape sort?? Or she's not reaching for this toy! When my son was born and I asked for his apgar score I had to bite my tongue lest I ask why it was 9/9. Ridiculous, I know. Anyhoo, interesting topic!

@lisa1783: Yeah, coworkers & patients!

Just wanted to chime in since Im married to an Asian man and though we have a girl, if we have a boy next he'll be Asian too. Well, half.

I completely agree that Asians are often left out as needing support as well.

My dh isn't actually a small guy but people have often assumed he must have something else mixed in even if just a little. He's not huge either. Pretty average and our dd is big for her age. But even if they were tiny I can think of a lot worse things to be than good at math, small, whatever. For example, some of the racist a**holes my dh has dealt with. I'll be happy if we have a son and he's like his dad.