Were they upset?
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We're planning on including Santa as a tradition, but I've sort of been on the other side of your question. Everyone was a little bothered, not because of the choice to not follow the tradition, more because there were other kids in the family that did believe in Santa and no one wanted them to lose that idea so young. I think one thing that would have helped was if the parents acknowledged that their decision might affect other children in the family and had some ideas for how to minimize that. I think its perfectly acceptable to choose not to do Santa as long as you're respectful of others' choices to follow the tradition. Just my two cents. Hope it goes smoothly!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: Is there a reason you don't want to do the whole Santa thing? Really just curious as I've never heard of that, unless you don't celebrate Christmas.
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Sigh. I would *love* to not do Santa, but I don't feel super strongly about it. When we broached the subject with MIL last Christmas (I was pregnant), she had such a super huge hissy fit that I decided we would just go with it. But I am not going to go to great lengths to preserve the secret. When DD figures it out that's fine with me...
I do think, however, it will go over better if: (1) you already have a kid and can just present it as a foregone conclusion, and (2) you don't have a child for a MIL. (Seriously, I think she still believes in Santa. My husband is 33 and she goes to ridiculous lengths to insist that he believe in Santa. Vomit.)
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I don't have LOs yet, but already told my side we are not having Santa. My mom thinks it's weird, but she isn't angry. Presents under the tree are still a surprise and delight to children. Growing up I had a lot of Jewish classmates and knew Santa didn't visit everyone. Santa comes to those who believe. It's not about weyher he's real.
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We just flat out told our families. They were upset, but we're sticking firm. MIL asked me if I would be upset if she bought him a Santa ornament for his first Christmas...which I felt like was a dig.
Overall, they think we're judging their choices as parents, and are kind of tense about it.
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@Mrs. Polish: I believed way too long, so yeah I'm undoing the lie for my own kids. My husband didn't have Santa or the Easter Bunny or the Toothfairy.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: for us, we just don't want Christmas to be about gifts and want to be as honest as we can. I know it's viewed as a tradition, so we plan to make sure to teach him to not ruin it for other kids. We plan to share the story of St Nicholas, but not to pursuade him to believe it's reality.
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We are leaning towards no Santa. I didn't grow up believing in Santa (he didn't exist, but then once we left that religion I helped play Santa for my little brothers). I know my parents won't have an issue with it and DH's parents probably won't either.
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We're not doing Christmas in the traditional sense at all, we're starting a totally new tradition/holiday for our family.
My parents were completely on board, the IL's threw a hissy-fit but are now grudgingly going along with it.
I don't understand why people care so much - I'm not aski g you to change the way you celebrate, just asking that you respect the way we choose to approach it for our own family. Sigh.
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@HellOnHeels: I dunno...a combination of factors? First, I am a late to life convert to Christianity and I am a born skeptic. I still struggle with faith. I was very rebellious as a child also. All this combined to make me doubt the Jesus thing, after my family had already pushed other things on me, like Santa, that ended up being lies. I definitely don't want to create that same tension in my child. I also don't want my child to think that Christmas is all about the gifts first, and Christ as an afterthought.
@Mrs. Blue: I definitely get the whole thing about it affecting other children, but at the same time, if I'm not participating in something, is it my responsibility to create Santa excuses for other parents to use? Seems like that might be the job of the parents that do Santa, the same way you have to create an excuse if you don't have a fireplace, etc. essentially, if I object to Santa due to ethical reasons, it is no less uncomfortable for me to make excuses for Santa to someone else's kids than mine....kinda like making a steak for a meat-eater if you're a vegetarian, lol!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: What I mean is more that you might offer to teach your children that other children do celebrate with Santa and that it's okay for them to believe in something that your family doesn't celebrate.
Personally, I grew up in a Christian home that emphasized Christ first and that Santa embodied part of the spirit of Christmas, i.e. giving to others, helping others, etc. So, I don't ever remember realizing that Santa wasn't "real" because it was more about the idea of giving than that a real person slipped down our chimney. I know I did believe at some point, but it wasn't a traumatic transition.
My point is simply that while you don't need to come up with excuses for why "Santa" doesn't visit you, you might want to reassure your family that you will be contentious of the fact that their children do believe and not do anything to overtly clue them in otherwise. Like, I said, it's just my two cents from the other side, but you have to do what is right for you and your family.
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This Santa discussion popping up on the boards lately is VERY interesting for me. I never believed in Santa growing up and I don't feel like I missed out on anything (my parents made sure we didn't tell other kids Santa didn't exist).
I don't have strong feelings about Santa one way or the other.... but I could see how both sides have CONS. Wouldn't you feel bad when you find out your parents lied to you? Did I miss out on some fo the Christmas make believe fun? (I doubt it - because Christmas was and still is my FAVORITE holiday!). I've been polling people I talk to and getting their two cents.
My son is only 14 months so I have time to decide - but these conversations are helping me think about it!
Thanks!
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@alleyflowers: same here! Mine is 15 months and I am thankful that I still have a year to figure all this out!
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I agree with @Mrs. Blue. Sure, it's not your "responsibility" to be mindful of kids who do believe in Santa, but it doesn't hurt to be thoughtful about other people's beliefs. I also think it's a good tool to teach kids that not everyone believes the same thing, whether it's Santa or something more serious like a particular religion, and we need to be respectful of that and not go around telling people what they believe isn't real. Plus, if you're trying to deflect any complaints from family members or keep people from being upset, it probably would help to say that while you are choosing to not do Santa in your home, your kids will be taught to be thoughtful about what their cousins or other family members believe.
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@alleyflowers: The points you raise are exactly why I didn't want to do Santa. We are not religious, and are trying to create Christmas traditions that celebrate warmth and togetherness instead of gifts. Not really working.
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@Arden: I'd be curious to hear more about the holiday/tradition you're starting!
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Non-belief or belief in Santa should be on the responsibility of all parents: parents whose children won't have Santa should let their children know that other kids do believe and parents whose kids do believe should tell their children that not everyone believes in Santa. It's a good time to teach all children about beliefs and that not everyone believes the same thing. The responsibility shouldn't solely rest on non-believers, that is incredibly unfair.
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@mrsjazz: Absolutely, it goes both ways. I didn't get the feeling anyone was implying the onus is on non-believers only. It's important for both sides to be conscientious of others' beliefs. And if you do want to do Santa, it's definitely a smart idea to prepare your kids for the fact that other kids don't necessarily believe in him.
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@MrsSCB: It seemed implied to me from both of the Santa threads going on but I agree with you.
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@MrsSCB: I agree I wouldn't want my hypothetical school-aged child brattily ruining Santa for other children, but I also don't want them to feel pressured to give into a tradition just because others are doing it. If we aren't doing it (and that's still an IF, I should clarify...I'm definitely on the fence ), then we will have our reasons and our reasons might preclude playing along with other people's tradition. I guess part of the reason I don't see why this is an issue is because Santa isn't a religion; it isn't a belief system that deserves respect like a religion does. Although, that does play into my argument that thing like Santa and the Easter bunny do cheapen actual belief systems.
@Mrs. Blue: if I could ensure that my kids would have the same response as you did, I would totally do Santa. I actually didn't have a traumatic time when I found out Santa didn't exist. But the aggregate of Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc., did take a toll on me as a skeptical pre-teen. I think my mistrust of systems and cultural messages has been stronger than my appreciation of the magical elements Santa lends to the holidays. I'm honestly stumped on how to proceed! But every year the holidays seem more and more commercialized. For example, we watched Charlie Brown last night and the commercials in between segments of the program were in such contrast to the program itself, it was laughable. I told DH we would have to buy the DVD so we wouldn't be forced to watch commercials right after Linus makes his speech. It is a struggle. How to make it real and magical without just going through the motions?
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: Well, to be fair, if someone doesn't believe in God, I'm not sure if religious beliefs would seem less odd to them than belief in Santa, but I would still expect them to be respectful about it. Whether or not a belief "deserves" respect is pretty subjective. FWIW, I'm also on the fence about Santa, I just know that I would feel bad if my kids told other kids Santa wasn't real.
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We are not including Santa in our Christmas traditions. I polled Facebook for opinions on the matter, and people FREAKED. OUT. when I admitted we weren't doing Santa. Said I was denying LO the magic of Christmas, etc. My parents were ok with it. We haven't told the ILs, but they've been sternly told to start keeping their opinions to themselves.... so if they're smart, they'll keep their opinions to themselves
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We aren't pushing the Santa thing but we aren't ignoring it either. She's been to "see" Santa but we haven't said that Santa brings you gifts or anything. Christmas will be about our family sharing and giving to others and the celebration of Christ's birth. Santa hopefully will just be some guy that helps us celebrate. Not sure yet how we will address when other kids get gifts from Santa and she doesn't.
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@Arden: I think people care because they have always imagined Christmas with their family/ grand kids being a certain way, and it's hard to lose that. People have deep emotional connections and nostalgia around the holidays.
That said, obviously it's important to roll with the changes and find new ways of bringing magic into the holidays.We are doing Santa, but are making the holiday more secular than it was for me growing up (which was already pretty secular). I got my mom excited about the idea, and she helped me think of and find new traditions.
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@Silva: if you're willing to share (maybe in another thread or wall post) I'd love to hear about your secular traditions!
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@Silva: I totally and completely agree. Some people are extremely emotional and sentimental about particular holiday traditions.
With that being said, I think each parent should feel respected and free to incorporate or lose holiday elements as they see fit for their family.
We will be incorporating the Santa tradition, but will also work hard to model philanthropy with our children. We hope to refocus the "reason for the season" with more simplicity, togetherness, and a less than overwhelming amount of material gifts (really like the 'want, need, wear, read' tradition). We'll see how it pans out; young children are self centered, by nature, so I have to be realistic about their early expectations.
@Arden: Sounds interesting; may I ask what you have decided to celebrate, and how?
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@MrsSCB: agreed! I think one of the reasons I feel defensive about this is because around here, Santa is pervasive. I mean, the local elementary school does a Santa cam webcam thing. That grosses me out on so many levels, and it makes me feel like I am more sympathetic to those who aren't doing Santa and get constant pushback, than those who are frustrated with the non-Santa families. FWIW, I would be steamed about Santa being a part of school activities even if I were planning to do Santa!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: oooh, yeah I wouldn't like that either. Especially since not all families even celebrate Christmas, that seems inappropriate for school!
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@MrsSCB: @Mrs. Sketchbook: at my elementary school we had Secret Santa, created and sang The Dradle Song, and celebrated the Chinese New Year. I would love for my kids to be exposed to and have fun with as many cultural and religious traditions they can at school.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I agree! My husband and his family are Hindu but they still love Christmas trees and Christmas carols and even Santa!
Although for the record, they like Santa like kids like Mickey Mouse. There's no elaborate lie about pretending he's real.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I WISH it were like that. But in my small southern town...well, let's me just be kind and say it isn't like that!
I don't mind if a school covered the historical origins of Santa-- or any other Holiday for that matter--but watching a webcam of "Santa" feeding his "reindeers" is basically just a learning institution playing into the fiction of Santa, there's no learning about it. It is bait for those kids who are already in the know about the whole Santa thing, and makes the ones who don't do Santa feel totally left out.
Oh yeah, and that whole church/state separation thing...but THAT is another thing entirely...!
Here's the cam: http://reindeercam.com/
They didn't make it at school, they just watch it.
Thanks!
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