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I want to be a forgive and forget type, but I don't forget, which makes it hard to truly forgive.

I try to forgive but, depending on the situation, can't forget. Honestly, I don't feel like forgetting is a good policy if someone has pretty majorly wronged you (forgetting for small stuff is best though).

It depends on the circumstances. Currently I'm largely in forgive and forget camp, but my H has helped me get there. He's always very willing and quick to apologize, which helps with the forgiving (also helps that I've never been majorly wronged). I used to be more likely to hold a grudge, but the way he handles conflict has really rubbed off on me in a good way. Apologies for the cheesyness, haha, but what it boils down to is I think a person's response to being wronged can be very intertwined to the attitude of the person doing them wrong, if that makes sense. Plus holding grudges really did hurt me more than the other person.

Forgiveness cannot be given until the person in the wrong has:

1. Apologized
2. Repented

No repentance, no forgiveness. I think this is a concept that most people today do not fully understand. They think they "deserve" to be forgiven just because they said they're sorry.

It depends... usually with my own family, I tend to forgive and forget (actually, forgetting tends to come first so...). But with my in-laws, I tend to hold a grudge... It's not a good trait.

Depends how bad it is. Did they apologize? Is it characteristic of this person? If they don't feel sorry for something major, then I have problems with that. If you keep doing that, then i start putting walls up and distancing myself (i throw this in the emotional abuse category, which is exactly why my relationship with my dad is what it is. I "forgave" for so many years, but it turns out that his behavior was abusive). If they're sorry and truly are, then I forgive. I have a hard time forgetting everything, though. I keep it in the back of my mind as a lesson going forward--whether I not share certain info with that person in the future or what.

I don't even call it holding a grudge. I don't think that I should just forgive someone just because "that's who they are". Some behavior is simply unacceptable, no matter who it's from. At some point, I find you just let yourself get walked all over.

So, it depends. With most people, I assume they were just having a bad day the first time around....if they snapped at me or what. I dunno, I can't really answer the question without context

I think ot depends. There is more to forgiveness than just forgiveness. If someone kicks you in the face, for a bad example, you are going to flinch when you see them. You might even have a mark on your face you have to deal with. But if this person continually kicks you in the face, it isn't about forgiveness- they probably need to do some self reflection and introspection so they can stop doing that. Someone can't continually kick you and expect you not to limp.

I think it depends on the relationship- with mutual understanding and respect I think most things can be forgiven but both people kind of have to understand and respect their own selves as well (understand why they did what they did etc.) There has to be an effort toward change. They have to at least care- that's why I say there is more to it than just forgiveness- a long drawn out explanation of repentance, I suppose.

I have a family member who thinks she can continually say horrible things and (she does horrible things too) not care how she acts or the things she says. She says I should forgive and let it go without even any discussion to why she said or did them- it seems like emotional abuse and control- but I am sure she is an extreme example. She doesn't care how she treats me and she expects me not to care. I think with compassion, understanding and an attempt toward change most things can be forgiven (but it takes some introspection on their part most likely- the idea of "just let it go" or "just move forward" is immature- it doesn't work like that- people have to understand why they treated someone as they did in order for a change to occur, at least in my opinion.)

I can forgive her, but that doesn't mean I want a relationship like that.

In my family it's a forgive and try to forget policy (this comes easier to some than myself.) I tend to remember everything and even though i try not to hold a grudge it's always in the back of my mind.

It depends on the situation... sometimes it's just not worth it to hold onto so I forgive and forget... but other times I do hold a grudge or tend to not forget. It's case by case.. the only thing I'm holding onto right now is w my SIL, we asked her to babysit one night while DH and I went to an event with my MIL and FIL, well we got back later than SIL expected and she had been texting MIL for hours saying "just leave and come home" "I'm never doing this again"

But to be fair, MIL had told SIL we would be home 2 hours earlier than we were (her mistake) and the reason SIL was bored was b.c DD goes to bed early, so technically she was just there alone watching tv.. but I haven't forgotten that and my attitude is that since she complained so bad then we simply won't ask her again. and we haven't.

it depends.

i can forgive a lot of things if someone tries to make amends, but i have no problem dropping people like they're nothing if they repeatedly do things that i'm not comfortable with or refuse to own their mistakes. i haven't spoken to my grandmother four years on christmas, i've considered trying to contact her again this year (i drive passed her home 4 times daily, so there are constant reminders) because of her age, i know it would bother me if she died while we still weren't speaking, but she's refused to speak to me, open the door for me, come to my wedding, there's some hurt there, but because of her health and age, i can let things go a little better with her. with younger people, say my BIL, there's no forgiveness for him. he takes no responsibility for his actions, he blames others for 'making him act that way' (umm.... there's nothing i could have done that would have made it okay to come to my home in the middle of the night while i'm alone and try to break in, then smash our belongings and our neighbor's), he's physically aggressive and threatening and has a loooooong history of such behavior with zero consequence (other than restraining orders, court, and job loss, but no family member holds him accountable & they try to clean up his messes so he doesn't have to deal with them). so for me, one situation i can move on from if the other party is open to it (not gonna hold my breath though!) and the other i won't, i know that one will never change and there is no remorse, letting that go would just open the door for more abusive events and i'm not willing to participate in that.

family is hard, i hope you find some peace, with whatever you decide, soon.

I forgive and forget- I am not one to hold grudges. I know that I have wronged people before and I would want them to forgive me. Plus, I find that I am a much more joyful person if I just let go of any bitterness I may have towards another person. I can forgive them and let it go, but that doesn't always mean that the relationship I once had with them will be the same.

If it becomes a pattern, and to the point where the relationship is more harm than good, I try to distance myself. I wouldn't call it holding a grudge, I'd call it being guarded.

For example, I had family who would be hurtful when drinking. I make a conscious decision to avoid them when they might be drinking. I don't think that's holding a grudge, particularly not when LO is around. I think that's just being cautious. Holding a grudge would be refusing to ever speak to them again.

bleh .. this is difficult, because some people TRULY don't know how irritating / hurtful they can be. For example, I lost my baby at 21 weeks this past July. In September, we're having lunch with another couple who's pregnant and says, "don't we have any newborn stuff we can give them?" I just didn't have anything to say so I said I would look. But it's like DUDE ..... INSENSITIVE! And then his friends asked why my husband couldn't go their annual golf trip and I said, because he said this year was his last year. And then he says, "I said that because I thought we were going to have 2 kids, but now we're not, so why can't I go." DUDE !! INSENSITIVE.

He HONESTLY did not get how insensitive and hurtful those comments were. And I initially gave him the cold shoulder ... but I realized he just didn't get it. And i was being mad at him because I felt like he should also be grieving the same as me ... but ... alas ... my husband has clearly gotten over the miscarriage whereas I'm still grieving the loss.

I think it depends.

For me if it only happens once in a while and I value the relationship... I would just forgive and forget.

Example - My mom says harsh things to me every so often to get her way. But I value her since she's my mom and I move on from it. Sometimes it does REALLY hurt and I have get away and not talk to her for a few days.

If this person is *always* doing stuff like that and doesn't seem to care... I would forgive and move on.

Example - When I was young I had aunts that would say super nasty things to me and make me do chores for them all the time, I had no control weather I saw them or not. When I got older I thought I would be nice and help them out with things since most of them were either divorce or unmarried with kids and I would baby sit their kids but they would be super demanding and have me run more errands for them since I was taking their kids to the movies (which I paid for all the tickets with money from my part time jobs - they never paid me to watch their kids) and it was right next to Macy's... can I return this bag of items for them. After a while that got old and their kids got older, I just moved on since I had control of seeing them or not.

I definitely know these aunts had a tough life due to some bad choices and so I don't hold a grudge against them but I'm not going to be abused by them either so I just keep my distance.

It totally depends on the offense and the relationship. The one thing I try to do is start with the assumption that it could be a misunderstanding. If it's a relationship I'd otherwise want to maintain, then I give the other person the benefit of the doubt and ask them to explain and then go from there. My goal is to forgive and forget if the person is truly sorry and there was a reasonable explanation for the offense.