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I'm sorry

I have a few friends that are probably irritated that I don't pick up the phone after 5pm. I solo parent at night, I cook dinner, bath, bedtime, and I don't really get that "time after LO goes to bed" because he goes to bed the same time I do.
I'm probably annoying to the 'let's go out some night' friends, too for the same reasons.

Can't please everyone. I absolutely am that friend that will keep in touch forever, even if I can't text/call every day. My nearest and dearest understand that.

My bestie had kids before I did- her first was born 2+ years before my son. After about a year, I remember talking to her about what it was like for her, and how she just simply didn't have the bandwidth to invest in anyone besides her DH, DD, and maybe 1-2 friends (and occasionally at that). Maybe it was because I was looking forward to having children myself, but I totally got it, deeply appreciated the time and energy she was able to invest in me (limited though perhaps it was), and was totally fine with needing to be the one to "make more of an effort" for a while. Sure enough, when I had my first, she traveled across the country for my birthday a few months after he was born with her second in tow, to meet him and have some time with me/us. I still think about how incredibly grateful I am for that visit and how our relationship has successfully ridden through the waves of seasons of our lives.

All of which is a super long winded way of saying that I think it depends on the individual, but any friend worth their salt will do their best to empathize with where you're at, and trust that you are doing the best you can. Seasons of life can be hard on friendships, but do you best and trust that that just has to be enough!

Also I could imagine there might be some jealousy and mourning underlying the anger that maybe she hasn't fully processed herself? I remember mourning how my relationships would change when my friends were starting to get married.... because I knew it would be different. Not that it gives you more time or energy to invest in her, but realizing that her sadness is because she cares about you and is mourning things having to be different might make it easier to accept that she's hurting and not be angry with her back for being angry at you?

Sorry for the ramble. Empathy coming your way. I hope you guys get to a better place in time!

I don't think you really get it until you have a squirmy babe who needs constant love, care and attention. Those without children can try to be empathetic & understanding as much as possible. I am one of the last of my friends to have a child so I was on the other side for a long time- a good friend has a 6 year old. I remember going to PBK shopping for his nursery several times in her last trimester, watching him when he was under a year while she packed for a business trip, or bringing dinner by when her cop husband was on nights. I just tried to go to her and make it easy. It did not matter what we were doing just that we were together. I'd say invite her to do boring mundane things and make them fun. Grocery shopping, just coming over for wine on a weekend during naptime.

@Meowkers: I have friends who dont understand either. I dont feel guilty about it. I calmly respond to texts like the one your friend sent you by saying sorry is been hectic and that's all. As a mom and wife and also having other things going on my friendships need to be with people that understand my juggling act

@Truth Bombs: I'm agreeing with you on this one. For me friendships are a huge part of why I am the way I am, It's important for me to make time for my friends. I can see in the crazy newborn stages my friends understood if I didn't get back to them right away, but I made sure to always get back to them. (we are all moms now, but most weren't at the time #1 was born.) My best friends are like my sisters, and I would be a mess if they weren't in my life.

I know parenting can be isolating, but don't let it overtake you, you need outside relationships.

@Truth Bombs: I have to agree. Most of my friends get that I don't have tons of time to chat on the phone and I usually can't just drop everything for a spur of the moment weekend away, but there Are 24 hours in a day that I can find 5-10 minutes to talk. It's all about balance and give and take in the friendship if it's important to you.

@Meowkers: I get it. Yes maybe we have the "time" to answer everyone's texts, but not always the energy every single day. When you spend all day every day caring about others, you need some alone time too, not just immediately pouring in to someone else.

@Meowkers: I'm kind of a mix of you and your friend right now. Between my best friends and me, I'm the one with the more insane life at the moment - two jobs and primary caretaker for a very ill parent whose brain injury left her severely impaired. Every day is a living nightmare, some days worse versions and some days not so horrible and I'm so drained physically and emotionally.

But I still would make time for coffee or casual lunch or dinner once a week with my best friends if I could. Even when my husband is home (he and I are together only about a week out of the month due to our jobs) I'd still make time to meet my gfs if they asked. (And they're single girls working 9-5 jobs and not taking care of any family members so they def have more time than I do.) So the fact that they rarely initiate contact or blow me off is very upsetting to me. Like how hard is to text me once a day (or even every 2-3 days) and ask hey how are you. I know what they'd say, "you're always busy," "we never know when you're home." It's all excuses to me. It literally takes all of 2 seconds to text "you home today?" Or "want dinner next Wednesday?" If they WANTED my friendship they'd make more effort, it's that simple. And I think that part hurts the most, feeling like you value the friendship more than the other party.

I think your friend loves you and wants your friendship. I'd consider that flattering, despite how crazy your life may be right now. Maybe just try to text her more often? Initiate more? I know that for me, I've always been resentful of how I'm always the initiator in our relationship. And it really wouldn't take much to make me feel valued, like just being texted on a regular basis. That's it, they wouldn't even have to meet me every single week or have real conversations on the phone. Reassure her you love her too and you do value her friendship but life is just tough on you right now. And then make more effort when you can in the near future. If she still can't understand that, well, maybe she's not a great friend to have anymore.

My BFF and I started struggling when I was pregnant. She said one day that I was the most miserable pregnant woman on Earth (not that she was wrong) and I cried for an hour.

She was hurting and so was I. Eventually I told her how much that hurt. And she told me how much she missed me. We both tried harder. I made a real effort to get out and see her. And she was patient with me.

I think if both of you are invested in the friendship and want to remain friends, you'll do what it takes.