Hi all. I posted this over on Weddingbee too, but I want some advice from some of the moms on here. Im 11.5 weeks into my maternity leave, meaning I go back to work on Monday. And I am FREAKING. OUT. Please tell me how bad it is going back. Our nanny (who we LOVE and is a family friend) started this week (I use that term loosely. She came over today for a few hours and is taking her by herself for a few hours tomorrow). But I am having this incredible anxiety and guilt. All I can imagine is that Liv is fussing or crying and confused as to why there is some stranger (to her) there and not mommy or daddy. And it's KILLING me. I think the reason for the guilt is partially anxiety, but also the fact that I COULD stay home. But I chose to go back because I LOVE my career, and I know if I didn't I'd regret it and say "I should have tried." this way if I go back and then choose to stay home after that, I gave it a try. But anyways, I just cant shake this awful feeling of dread and anxiety and guilt, which is the worst. I guess I don't really know if I'm looking for answers or support but... I don't know. today made it worse bc Liv was all fussy with the nanny and all she wanted was to cuddle. As soon as I picked her up and she nuzzled into my neck and smiled, I lost it. I literally cried for 3 hours (dramatic, I know...) Maybe it will be better once Im not standing right there so she cant sense me? Ugh...Ive never dreaded something so much in my entire life
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btw this posted in charting bc it wont let me select another option. Not sure why
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I've been back to work for almost 4 months now and I don't think it's a myth that you will miss your child tremendously. I certainly did, but also because I was not at ease over who was caring for her (my MIL). It really helps if you have someone who you trust is carrying out your wishes for your child as you like. But 4 months later, I'm in much better shape. Everyone is also different in how they deal with their emotions.
Somehow it might even be a little healthier to have a little separation. When you get home and she sees you, it will be the best feeling in the world and wipe everything bad away. You will truly get to experience "quality time."
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I guess Im just worried about the feeling that Im "letting someone else raise my child." I HATE knowing that if i get home at 5, I only have 2.5 hours with her before she goes to bed. Im literally sick over this
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I haven't been there yet, but my sister and friends had similar feelings before going back to work. The consensus among them is that it is bad for the first week after going back, but gets a lot easier! Also they have pointed out the benefit that you don't worry about every little thing during the day - someone else is doing the worrying - and you appreciate your time with your LO even more. Sorry I don't have any advice : (
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I've been there - the anticipation of leaving was worse that an actually going to work. I felt very my "old" self when I was at work and of course I feel guilty letting someone raise my child but I am doing what's best for the family. Also, my mom was a working mom and we have always been close.
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