If anything were to happen to you and your S.O., who would take care of your kid(s)?
DH and I decided that my parents would be our children's guardians.
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i really want my parents, he really wants his parents. not sure how i'm going to win this one.
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Good question. I'll have to bring this up to my husband. My parents are not very young (mother 62, father 80), and my in-laws don't have time to raise a child with their work schedule. Possibly a family member (my sisters or SIL) or close friend.
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This is a constant battle of ours. Both sets of parents are out because of their ages and lifestyles. My brother never really wanted children so we don't feel comfy picking him and my sil lives across the country and isn't very family oriented so I don't feel like she would keep DD in contact with my side of the family very much. As of right now we're very undecided but know we need to figure this out soon just in case.
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My parents are younger and my mom is baby obsessed.
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DH and I know we're gonna take flak over this, but we have decided on a non-family member- my best friend. Neither of our parents are going to take it well when/if they find out, but we believe my friend would just be the one able to give them the upbringing closest to what we would have given them. Not that either set of parents would be incapable, it's just that she's the best choice.
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DH and I have decided that my oldest brother and his lady are going to be our legal guardians. We had to decide because we have to fill out guardianship papers in his pre-deployment legal paperwork.
My parents had me later in life and they are a bit older, so I don't know that they could handle raising another baby.
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This is hard, and the answer depends on where we will live. If something were to happen to the both of us, I would like DS's life to continue with as little disruption as possible. If we are living in the US, it will be my parents, if we are living in Europe, it will likely be my son's godfather and his wife.
We have to work out the logistics of the will, we're not sure if one document is legally binding in both countries. -
This is so hard. I don't think either of our parents would really be in a position to take care of our children, but ideally my parents would. Otherwise, I'd love for my best friend too since she lives in our area and has small children of her own and seems to be a wonderful parent. Of course having her own children AND ours would probably be too much...
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We have chosen my husband's brother and wife since they live close by and also have young children. Our back-up is my parents.
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My sister and her husband will get custody. We feel our parents are getting up there and having them start over again with an infant would be too much to ask. DH is an only child, and my brother is still a frat boy essentially, so the decision was pretty easy.
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I think we would choose my parents. His are older and not as involved. Mine would be OK with it, but I know it would cramp their lifestyle. They would do it if they had to, though. My brother or his sister would be our second choices.
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My parents are younger, but they also work longer hours (FIL is retired and MIL is close to retirement). So I think it will be a balance between the two sets.
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My sister would get Wombat. We both agree on that and need to set it up. Maybe when she comes home for Wombat's first birthday. She's not married and just moved to Canada, but she's the one both of us feel comfortable with.
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Oooh, this is something that we have talked about (even though we currently have no kids!!) and we still haven't decided. He wants his parents, and I want mine, of course. I think logically speaking, it should be mine because they are significantly more financially secure (is that terrible to say??).
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I have absolutely no idea. His parents are just entering their 60's which isn't very old, especially because they are healthy and active, but they live in Canada and are planning on selling their home for a smaller condo and traveling. I'm sure they'd be happy to take their grandchildren if it was ever needed, but I'd feel guilty taking their retirement dreams away from them.
My mom is in poor health-- she's having respiratory problems and can hardly walk to the other side of her house without having to stop to catch her breath, so she's out of the question.
I think as time goes on and more of our close friends settle down and have families, one of them may become our top choice. I think brother-in-law would make an excellent father if he ever decides to settle down, so he may be in the running one day, too : )
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For those who have assigned guardianship, did you do it in a traditional will or living will or other estate planning docs? What type of attorney did you work with, if any?
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We have talked about this quite a few times but still have not come to a decision.
Ideally we think the grandparents will do the best job but we also don't want to leave them with them because they will be older. What happens -god forbid- if they passed before LOs turn 18?
I think we might go the route of parents then if they were to pass a secondary guardianship.
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This is going to be a difficult one for us. We aren't thrilled with the idea of appointing either his or my parents, or our sisters. We have friends that we absolutely trust and love, but they aren't really financially stable. So... we're still deciding this.
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LO is 3.5 months old and DH and I have only talked about it once and not seriously yet about who would have guardianship. We have thought about my sister and her husband as the ones most likely.
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My sister (unmarried, no kids, age 28, and the best aunt EVER) gets guardianship. My parents could have done it (and my mom loves watching LO), but it would be a little rough on them age-wise (they're in their early 60s). However, despite the fact that my sister would be their legal guardian, there's no question that my parents would move to wherever my sister was living (my mom doesn't work and my dad works from home) and my mom would do a lot of the day-to-day child-caring. I envision the three of them working as a team to raise LO, and that's what they've said too.
DH's mom passed away, and his dad works a ton and is kind of absent-minded. While he would certainly take LO if he needed to (and could afford a nanny and whatever support he'd need), he wouldn't really want full-time responsibility for LO. My family gets along really well with DH's family, so I also don't worry about LO getting to spend lots of time with both sides.
DH has a brother who is 30 and married, and a lot of people are surprised that (because he is married, I guess, and possibly because they then assume he's more likely to have kids of his own sooner) that LO wouldn't go to BIL and his wife. They're great, but they're also super career-oriented and do a lot of travel. And again, while they'd certainly do it if we asked, I know my sister would WANT LO. And that means a lot to me.
We haven't done the paperwork yet (bad us!) but everyone knows and respects our wishes. -
We are thinking about one of our sisters but specifically writing in visitation for grandparents.
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My sister is my kids guardian. Likewise I am her kids guardian. The only thing that worried me is the number of kids. I have four and she has three. That puts us up to seven if anything should happen but we are close and have similar parenting styles.
The other thing you might want to consider is naming a temporary guardian. The person who could watch your kids while their guardian gets to them. Ifno one is named they can be taken by CPS while their guardian comes to get them. My parents live close so they are the temporary guardians until my sister can make arrangements
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