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@DillonLion: I have a 7 year gap between my DD and DS too, I understand your feelings. I worried how it would effect my very close relationship with DD. Once DS was born, she quickly became mamas best little helper and fawned all over her little brother. I made sure to give her every chance to be involved without any pressure if she wasn't into it. Now that DS is 3 and she is 10, they play and squabble and tease each other like any other siblings. I have no idea if they will be close when they are older but at least I've given them each a person to be in their corner for life (hopefully).

I don't have any advice exactly but my husband has a brother who is 6 years old than him and they're very close and always have been. I don't know what age they began really playing together but they didn't fight like close-aged siblings do.

I am 7 years older than my sister. New baby affected me waaaay less than for my own kids who are 2 years apart. It did take longer for my sister and I to be close, but we are super close! I think it actually works out well that we're always in different life stages because we can really be there for each other. For example, she's been helping me out with the girls babysitting when she can, and by the time she has kids, I know I'll be a little more free to help her out instead of being so tied up with my own.

My bro and I are 7 years apart and did not get along growing up at all. I still had a happy childhood. It’ll be all good!

@DillonLion: Btw, my sister was my parent's surprise too I have no recollection whether my parents had told me prior that I'd be the only child. I only know that I am so so so so happy that I have a sister

I'm mostly following along on the off chance we decide to have another. DD is already 4.5 so if we go for it we would be looking at a 5.5-6.5 year gap I think.

I have two half sisters, they are 10 and 13 years younger than me. I was SO excited when they were born and loved helping take care of them. I thought it was a blast to play with and entertain them. We weren't close growing up but that had nothing to do with our ages and everything to do with my horrible stepmother. Now that one is in college and one is almost done with high school, we all get along great! We text pretty often and see each other a fair amount. I'm closer to them than most of my friends are with their siblings that are only 2 or 3 years a part.

@DillonLion: There is an age gap between me and all my siblings. We all played together and are super close now. I wouldn’t worry about it! You can still do personal time with her and she can still play with the baby! It will be no problem and a joy!

My oldest and youngest are 6.5 years apart and 9 months later she is still over the moon about the baby. She already had a sibling in between so I know it’s not exactly the same but I hope they’ll always have a special connection and be close as adults. She loves to play with her and is old enough to have it make her feel really grown up - like she can carry the baby around by herself (within reason of course!). Also there aren’t that many kids in 1st grade with baby sisters so all her school friends also love the baby and it gets big sis some special attention.

To offer a different perspective: we always thought we would have 2 kids and now we are seriously considering being one and done. I feel tremendous guilt for denying my child the relationship and bond that he would have with a sibling. So, either way, there’s guilt involved 🤷‍♀️

I only clicked on this because I recognized you! I’m one and done but feel the opposite guilt of not having another. The gap is big but I know my son would really love a sibling. So basically there’s guilt not matter what!! Congrats though...she will love the baby!

That baby is also a huge gift to your daughter. She will have someone who truly understands the nature of her relationship with her parents. That person will also understand her social and cultural perspective and is just as likely to be a close bond as a distant relationship when they’re adults. And if you or your husband need support when you are elderly, she will have someone to help her manage that on your behalf.

There is a lot you can do to avoid rocking your daughter’s world when her sibling is born. I have a 4.5 age gap, and my son has infant twin sisters. With two babies I was especially concerned about his adjustment, so I identified any major transitions and implemented them ahead of time so that they would be less associated with the babies’ arrival. For instance, I transitioned his bedtime routine to my husband when I was about two or three months out from my due date.

I also try to find opportunities to include him whenever I’m with the babies. For instance, I did a lot of tandem nursing while reading books to my older one. If you are thoughtful about keeping her included and involved, I think that will go along way towards fostering a positive relationship between the two of them. I also regularly take my son out for dinner just the two of us so that we have something special meant just for him. With a newborn you can really maintain a lot of your daughter’s routine if you just wear the baby a lot.

I really was not sure how things would go with my son when his sisters arrived. He still demands extra attention sometimes – for example, this morning he wanted me to hand feed him Cheerios along with his sisters 🙄 – but he is amazing with them. He likes to show them off to his friends and complains when they nap because he wants to play with them. He always says that he loves to rub their fuzzy heads, and he always remembers to kiss them goodbye when he leaves for school. Honestly, watching their relationship has been one of the brightest spots of parenting these baby girls. They absolutely adore him too, and they find him fascinating and hilarious. (Note: It is not 100% perfect. Sometimes he grabs their toys. And they pull his hair or grab his nose. But on balance it is really fantastic.)

I can’t help you on the college fund front. We were planning on two kids and wound up with three, so I feel your pain! But on balance it’s probably a richer life with a sibling and some college debt than with neither.

P.S. Congratulations!! I have found parenting to be a lot more fun the second time around!