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Hardest part of a miscarriage?

  1. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    Bumping this thread. I hate that so many people have had this, but this is really really helpful. Thanks.

    Quick question on the physical (as opposed to the emotional) side of M/C: how long did it take your body to bounce back, so to speak? Maybe more importantly, how long did it take you mentally? It's been 4 days, and my brain still feels like mush. I'm not sure if it's emotions, stress, or a combination thereof, but I can't seem to get ANYTHING done. This would not be such a big deal if it weren't two weeks before finals, where my workload is the worst. All I want to do is sleep. How do I help? Do I just have to give it time?

  2. futuremama

    clementine / 854 posts

    @LovelyPlum: So sorry you've had to go through this. It's a heart-wrenching experience. Especially when you go to completely elated to devastated. Physically, I bled for about a week (I was 8 weeks along) when I miscarried naturally. I was lucky in that my period returned right on time (actually a day or two early). With my first miscarriage, however, it took about 7 weeks for my period to return.

    It has taken me longer to heal mentally though. It definitely gets easier over time. You need to take the time to grieve your loss. Don't let anyone make you feel like you need to move on quickly. I had a few people tell me, "At least it was early". It doesn't matter. It's a heartbreaking loss regardless of the timing. I'll be thinking of you. If you have any questions, please let me know. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who have been through this.

  3. singingbee

    pomelo / 5073 posts

    @LovelyPlum: again, my heart aches that you have to through this. We miscarried at 20 weeks, so I had to deliver. Physically, I felt okay about 2 weeks after delivery, though I want cleared to do anything until 6 weeks. I got my period one month after delivery and it lasted for a while and would stop and start a couple of days. Emotionally, that took me a lot longer. It probably wasn't until about 3-4 months that I started to feel like our loss wasn't the only thing on my mind. I felt like i could deal okay with people, etc. I had some major up and down moments me I would just start counting good moments and if people asked how I was doing, I would say that at that moment I was having a goof moment. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers.

  4. Mrs.Someone

    pomelo / 5228 posts

    @LovelyPlum: Sorry you're going through this I had a similar experience (very early m/c). My next period came right on schedule. Emotionally I was able to start processing it once the bleeding started, but I still cried a lot. It took at least a month to not cry when thinking about it, probably longer. Take care of yourself, you'll get through it...

  5. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    Thank you all. I promise I'll respond to everyone individually when I get home. If it's OK, though, right now I need a safe place to vent.

    Today has been a total doozy. I got some strange stomach cramps yesterday under my rib cage and all down my front, which I figured were part of this new strange experience that my body was having. Well, when I got to work this afternoon, a fever and aches/chills accompanied them as well. I was freaking out...I've had friends with complications post-m/c, and I was terrified that something wasn't going right. The rational part of me wondered if I was just blowing things out of proportion, but the non-rational side won, and I called my doctor's to see what they said.

    The wonderful nurse at my doctor's got me in right away, and the good news is that I don't have a uterine infection *just* a stomach bug. Of course, as soon as he said that, I felt so foolish...why couldn't I just be normal about these things? I kept apologizing over and over, saying that I was sorry that I took up their time. To a person, they were wonderful-told me to stop, making sure I knew that I need to be gentle with myself. I know I have to, but I just feel like I should be in control, you know? But my body and my emotions have a different idea right now, and I need to accept that and give myself permission to feel exactly what I am feeling, no more, no less.

    So as I sit here trying to catch up on all that I missed for this afternoon's adventure, I am giving myself permission to feel. I am only human. I am only 5 days removed from my miscarriage. I don't have to have it all together. And that's enough.

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