Hellobee Boards

I hear you. The work/home/daycare grind is Hell. It was hard as a baby because I worried constantly about her. It's hard at 2.5 because she takes foreverrrrrr to get ready to leave in the morning. It's so many wasted hours of driving just to get to daycare, to work, to daycare, to home. Right now I have it sort of easy because my husband is at home and can help out. Next month that won't be the case and all the daycare pickups and drop offs will be on me again. I am so miserable just thinking about it.

I think it got better for me when I finally just accepted it. I HAVE to do this. I HAVE to work to survive, to give our family what we need to have a good life, to provide for our lo.

It never really gets easier, I don't think. Even after she's in school, it will be the same because we will still have to drop off and pick up at early and after care. It sucks. There is no better way of saying it.

I don't know if commiserating is what you were looking for but...that's what I'm giving you.

Hang in there and come in here to complain when you need to. There are many others in the same shoes as you. Also, I used to be Pollyanna before LO, as well. Then I got a big wash of reality and boom. Not so much a pollyanna anymore. I try to just look forward to my vacation days. I don't get a lot of them but those I do get, I try to really enjoy with my lo (and sometimes enjoy a day without her).

Seeing my baby's face the moment i walk in the door at daycare is literally the best, most enjoyable part of my day. We are in the car easily for an hour each way and by the time we get home i get to see her and spend time with her for all of 2 hours and its the hardest two hours of my life. Being torn from wanting to spend time with her and play to trying to get dinner on the table and cleaned up then starting our bedtime routine. She's exhausted from a very long full day so she's not always in the best mood, I feel like during the week i only see her at her worst. then its rinse and repeat. I dont know if i could do the sahm thing but i would love 6 hours days at work.

Mr T always gets on me for how less happy go lucky I am now. The only thing I've found that helps is having things to look forward to, like mini trips or meeting up with friends or even watching a particular movie after the kids are in bed. If there's nothing but the daily grind in front of me I get discouraged too! I wish I had better advice, sorry love.

Can you take some time for yourself to recharge your batteries, so to speak? I definitely get worn thin and feel like I’m in a rut and like my life is not my own (there’s always something that needs to be done, more work to do, less time to do it, etc.). When I take a day, or half day off work and just chill, I’m much, much happier and better for weeks after. I don’t think anyone can run at 100% indefinitely – sometimes you just need some YOU time, too.

Have you read the book "All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting" by Jennifer Senior? It tackles the question of how people with children are simultaneously happier and more miserable. I don't know that it provides answers, but it might help give some perspective that this is a shared experience.

One thing that helps me is trying to remember that "happy" is not the default emotional state for most people. It you are finding moments of quiet joy is each day, you're probably doing ok. Also, parenting at different stages is a different experience. You may find that parenting a 5 year old who can go on adventures and is more self-sufficient brings out the old you. So it may be a question of just sort of surviving certain stages.

I think sleep has a lot to do with how you feel. For me it is sleep and traffic. Last night I didn't sleep (pregnancy insomnia + teething toddler) and it's raining so traffic will be crappy. I'm still sitting on the couch dreading starting my day.

I try to find small breaks in the day to breathe and do something for myself. Get away for a few minutes at lunch or park the car at home at the end of the day and walk the stroller to day care. Just taking ten minutes to myself to do that helps me out.

Yesterday I was in a meeting and we were literally laughing so hard I was crying, and I caught myself thinking "How lucky am I that this is my job?"

Don't get me wrong, there are moments when I don't want to get out of bed and start the day before the sun even rises, but for the most part, I like my job, I like my routine, I like my life. I think a lot if it has to do with the fact that I have a LOT of help and I don't have to think about a lot of administrative things during the week. My son is with my parents, he loves his school.

I am also happier with less, I've discovered. I used to be all about the big goals, but now, I am happy if my son sleeps through the night and if my husband picks his socks up off the floor at night.

Big hugs, lizzywiz!

Recently I've been struggling with a variety of things (no kids yet, so I can't completely relate) and this quote really helped me:
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
It has now kind of become my mantra and I find that I apply it to almost everything.
I wish I could be more helpful!

We don't have kids but I definitely understand how you feel. I get up between 5-5:30, get ready, feed the dogs, take them out, tidy up from last night, go to work. It's a 45-60 minute commute to work, then I'm here for 8 hours. Then another 45-60 min commute home. Get groceries, feed the dogs, take them for a walk, cook dinner, eat dinner. By this time it's usually around 7pm and I still have cleaning to do, as well as get things ready for the next day. Not to mention the days when I have other plans, or I want to do something else or workout. Some weeks it feels like it's never ending and I will never have time to do anything other than work/cook/clean/shop.

On Wednesday I took a half day and spent the afternoon going for a casual lunch and Christmas shopping. I left downtown early enough to avoid rush hour traffic and it made a HUGE difference in how I have been feeling. Is it possible for you to take some time to yourself every once in a while as a break?

Totally agree with everything @PrincessBaby said. I had a job I hated (easy, but super super boring, time just dragged and stood still, commute sucked) and I was really unhappy with the whole work/life/daycare grind. Every day I thought about just staying home with LO. I've been at my new job about 2 months now and life is 100% better and I just feel so much more happier now. I really enjoy my job and working now, but I also am so much more happier at home too now that I feel more fulfilled, if that makes sense. I know it's not feasible for everyone to just go get a new job if you don't like your current situation, but it's worth looking into if that's the reason you are unhappy?

@lizzywiz: The grind has been wearing me down lately too. I realized that I just haven't been sleeping enough, probably because I started drinking a lot of caffeine and it was really affecting my sleep. Plus my daughter has been waking up in the middle of the night every other night or so. The sleep deprivation was destroying my mood, and I was feeling really down.

I cut back on caffeine and finally caught up a bit on sleep and am feeling so much better!!

Yes. I have felt this way all year. In 2014 I got no time for myself to do anything. I feel like I spent my time outside of the office catching up on work assignments at home, cooking, grocery shopping, or taking care of LO. Plus, I don't sleep well AND LO wakes up everyday extremely early.

It's hard. What I try to do the most is to be present in my evening times with LO. Right now she eats dinner before I get home. While I'm home I make sure we play, hang out, etc. I try to put away work, my cell phone and other things.

That said, I hope for more me time in 2015.