I frequently hear of women saying that they became SAHMs because it made the most sense economically, i.e. not a lot leftover of their salary after child care expenses. But what if you do have a large chunk leftover, has anyone stopped working anyway? How has your experience been?
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What's considered large? I made 6 figures plus bonus plus overtime, so I gave up quite a lot of money to stay at home.
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I'm not going to be a SAHM initially, but am taking a big pay cut (amounting to 1/2 of my husband's salary!) to go back part time.
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@looch: Wow, 6 figures is large in my book! What make you decide to stay home? Has that been a big adjustment for your family? Did your significant other make more than you did?
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@looch: yes, 6 figures can be considered large.
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@winniebee: i have taken a large pay cut, too, but it is worth it! LO needs me around.
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@Andrea: I think so! I'm going to go back 4 days and work a little less on those days, too.
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@Adira: @Andrea: Full disclosure, I worked for a large company for 14 years and thought that I would always work, there or somewhere else. I never thought I'd stay home, not in a million years. I also moved overseas, with the company, and there aren't a lot of jobs for non-German speakers.
So, when I got pregnant, I decided I wanted to go part time. I wanted 3 days, but the offer was 4, and honestly, to me, that's not part time...it's compressing 5 days of work into 4 for 1/5 less pay. So, I went on maternity leave and decided to think about my options until my notice period kicked in.
I made the decision to stay at home largely because we really couldn't find a day care center in our area. We did find one, but it was 40 minute drive in the other direction from our employment, so that meant (since we only own 1 car) that my husband would have to do all of the drop offs and pickups. In short, it meant having to compromise his career as well as mine, because he'd have to reduce to 4 days a week too, in order to accomodate the schedule.
My husband has a comparable salary and our major expenses have stayed the same, so we're able to make it work. We also banked my salary for 3 years just in case, and we haven't had to dip into it. Another reason I felt comfortable staying at home is that there are amazing social security benefits if my husband were to lose his job (18 months at 80% of your salary if you meet the job search requirements which are cake).
So for now, I've been home since November 2010 and stopped drawing a salary in May 2011. I still contribute to retirement accounts via my husband's salary and I've also, for the first time in 15 years, been claimed as a dependent on taxes. It's an adjustment, but it's worked out fine. -
@looch: Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's very informative!
My husband and I are both engineers and make decent money, so I don't think I'll become a SAHM. For us, it wouldn't be worth the loss in salary (and especially retirement savings which my company is very generous with). Plus we have plenty of daycare options in our area. I might work part-time, but we haven't really figured any of that out yet (since I'm not even pregnant).
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I was laid off a year before we conceived our first child, and at the time the recession started and I worked in digital marketing... so there were no jobs out there at all for me. I couldn't even get an interview for a 6 month contract anywhere. So my options were to either find an entry-level type job with a crazy pay cut or be a SAHM. Since the first option would have just covered childcare expenses, I decided to be a SAHM.
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well, I won't be making 6 figures, but I still consider any money I'm losing to be a pay-cut. I'm graduating with my Master's in a month (from today!!!) and instead of going into the job force (who will hire a 5 months pg woman? no one in my field), I'm nannying and then staying home when bebe comes.
my first couple years out I'll be working toward licensure, so I'll be making less than 40,000 - not worth it to pay for daycare. But I can't start making more money UNTIL I get those 2 years under my belt and get licensed.
So in my point of view, I'm giving up a bit - but it's worth it to me.
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@looch: wish I was in the 6 figures!
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@looch: thanks so much for sharing your story! if child care were readily available to you, would you still have made the same decision?
i think about being a SAHM some day but i don't know if i want to give up my salary. i contribute a large % to our household income so we would definitely "miss" my earnings quite a bit. i also like to contribute to our household expenses and savings for retirement with my salary. but i think the part i wrangle with the most, is just having my own money to spend which ever way i choose.
we have a great daycare so i have that part covered.
any thoughts on those topics?
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@Andrea: If childcare were readily available in the form of my parents, I would have gone back 100% no question. In the early years, esp. before kindy, it's a lot easier to be the care provider. I do think it gets more complicated when kids go to school, so in my ideal scenario, I would have worked full time until my son was in kindy, then gone part time, like 5 half days, for example.
I still spend money on myself, but not as much as before. I don't need as many clothes and I don't have to get lunch, but I do buy myself nice things every once in a while. I also really struggle with the retirement savings aspect. My company offered average matching in the 401K but I got rinsed in the stock option program. Let's just say those options are worthless and probably will be well after they expire.
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@looch: right, i am thinking about when my LO goes to kindy. the hours are short and i believe they have 2 half-days per week. not to mention all the breaks and holidays. how is one expected to work?? so, instead of hiring a mother's helper, like a lot of people do, i will probably just not work.
there were short periods of time when i have been unemployed and i remember feeling so down because i just kept seeing my personal checkings account balance going down, down, down (we still keep separate checkings for our own "play money") with no way of replenishing it on my own. and that was only a temporary situation.
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I didn't make 6 figures, but even if I did, I'd still quit. Fortunately, my hubby makes enough for the both of us and it was in our plans early on that I'd be a sahm. Lol @ spellcheck that keeps telling me a sahm is a sham.
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@tequiero21: sham haha! Are you using your iPad?
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@Andrea: hahaha yeah!
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@tequiero21: SAHM. Test test SAHM. Haha, mine doesn't do that. Yours is messing with ya!
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I gave up long crappy hours for horrible pay. So nope!
But I've told my husband it was a blessing in disguise because I don't know that I would have given up a better job and I never knew how much I'd like hanging with baby girl -
I would be giving up a "big" salary to stay at home. I just don't know at this point. I'm scared to give it up but I really don't like my career at all! So I guess we'll see, hopefully I can use my maternity time beginning in Nov to feel it out.
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@Andrea: I wonder how to turn it off. Sahm now it's working..
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@tequiero21: yay! You are no longer a "sham". Hehe.
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I give up what I consider to be a lot of money to stay home two days a week. I feel like it's important for me to be home at least that much (both for me and for LO!) so it's worth it no matter what. In choosing a career it was important to me to pick something where working even part time would be decent salary-wise though, so I've planned on taking this pay cut for awhile!
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I gave up a good salary to stay at home too...but i didn't love being a lawyer. It was so hard walking away from the money but I am so happy being at home with my baby and taking care of everything around the house. We really enjoy our evenings and weekends together bc we aren't running around doing errands or house stuff...and I love being home with my baby.
We made the decision for me to be a SAHM a while before we had a baby so we made a lot of decisions knowing we would be living on my huband's income...so we live in the suburbs, not in the city, etc...but I love it. Also I have been able to do some contact work sice leaving my job and I realized I do not miss working...some people said I would miss the mental stimulation but I don't...and I definitely do not miss the commute and stress!
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I was making crap before I had the baby, so it was a no brainer for us!
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Contract work not contact work ... Clumsy fingers on my phone are the blame for the typos
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I made close to six figures and I am currently a SAHM. Luckily my husband is able to support our family with his income. But I have to say, my pride is a little hurting, particularly because I felt like I didn't need a man to take care of me. But I know in the end, I am lucky to be able to stay home and watch my son grow up.
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@ohapostrophe: @sandy: that is smart that you both planned ahead. @ohapostrophe: interesting point about choosing a career based on its part-time possibilities. i feel like this is something that should be mentioned to ALL women. people may take it or leave it but i think that is wise advice.
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@Andrea: I agree! It's so key for me, as I really can't imagine being happy with either full time situation.
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@Cchoi4: I hear you 100%!!!! I actually made more than my husband (I am older and have more years in the workforce) so it does sting a little to be dependent upon him! I also feel badly that he shoulders all the responsibility of the family, so if something were to happen, we'd have to scramble a little because I don't want to deplete our savings too much.
@sandy: I am considering some contract work now in fact. It seems like a good compromise and I don't have to deal with the politics in the office, like promotions and the like.
@Andrea: Where I struggle is the fact that my former company promotes part time, but it is really up to the individual manager. That leaves a lot of room for interpretation and the feelings of the manager. My former manager's wife stayed at home, and that, unfortunately, colored his views.
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Wow @looch!
Thanks for asking this. I alway see the same thing and wonder about higher salary moms too.
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I am planning to give up my six-figure salary which I've made for the last 7 years to stay home with our babies. My salary has gone straight to savings for the last couple of years anyway and we've been able to live off my husband's income just fine. I know we won't be able to afford private schools or fancy cars and homes but I think it will be worth it. And if I start going stir-crazy, I can always work part-time or start a home biz.
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