Hellobee Boards

After maybe the first 3-4 months (which were HARD on everyone), I think our relationship actually got stronger. Things have changed majorly in that we have less time for/with each other, but seeing my husband as a father has been wonderful. We are very much in it together and try and be supportive of each other's needs. But yeah, I think for a lot of people the initial shock of "oh my God, we're parents now" can be hard. Luckily it's short-lived in the larger scheme of things!

It has made it different. We're both a little older and have lived alone for a long time, so adjusting to a new dynamic was a challenge. Then when our son was born, he was pretty high needs and I honestly didn't cope well. What I learned from this is that I have to speak up and ask for what I need, my husband isn't a mind reader.

I think our relationship is stronger since having children. We are both so madly in love with our children and it's so special that no one else shares the type of we do for them! Pregnancy was hard on our relationship (lack of understanding on his part, and my crazy hormones). We do sometimes argue about parenting and money is of course tighter after having them.

It definitely has its challenges, but once you get past the newborn stage (first 3 months) you figure out something that works for you

I acutally think after having a baby we were better than we had been in a long time. We had this higher connection that made us argue less, and we tend to be the couple that bickers at each other

Everyone else warned us how your relationship takes a toll with paernthood but with us we found the opposite was true, we were closer than ever. Yes, we have less sex and have less sleep but overall having a child was great for our relationship, it improved it!

Having LO has not made our relationship harder, or much different really; except that of course a lot of the attention we each spent on ourselves/each other now is directed for LO.

I think it's absolutely crucial that you speak honestly, and often, about your expectations for post-baby - and I mean the nitty-gritty, non-fun stuff you'll have to do. Are you on the same page about expectations for diaper changes, midnight waking, early mornings, meal making, doing dishes, "free" time, etc. Are you on the same page about the big issues: working post-baby, daycare/SAH, religion, etc.

We spend time together every night, just us. I think that helps a lot.

One of the best pieces of advice I got was that you need to make time every single day for yourself. Even if its just 20 minutes to go for a run, or get a cup of coffee outside the house - you need to get out of the house every day and have time just for you. We each make sure that we each get a break on a regular basis.

@rahlyrah: You're not in the minority. So many people don't talk openly about how difficult the transition is because there is so much shame attached to it . . . and the fear of appearing ungrateful or unloving toward their LO. Everyone struggles in some way. Imo, there are two types of people in this world (forgive the diving analogy), those who pee in their wet suits, and those who lie about it.

@MsLipGloss: You are funny, friend. I always pee in my wetsuit. I was a swimmer growing up so.... But seriously... there's always challenges with a new situation. I think it can be an absolute rule, however, that couples should get their relationship rock solid because they start TTC. Having a baby will not fix anything.

The hardest thing for us is that we have *no* time. We both work 40+ hour/week highly demanding jobs, and on top of that we have to be there to raise our child. It can be really hard to find time to communicate, and that wears on us when multiple days go by in a week when we have no time to do anything for ourselves. The lack of time definitely leads to strain in our relationship. However, we are both very conscious of the strain, and we try to find ways to mitigate it. I try to tell DH regularly how much I appreciate him, and he tells me the same. We both know that we wouldn't be making it without each other's support, so that helps immensely. That's not to say that the transition hasn't been incredibly difficult for our relationship, but we already had a lot of the communication and support skills in place before having our daughter to make it work.

Actually, sometimes I even think we fight less now that we have a baby. Certain little things that we would have bickered over pre-baby now just don't seem so important.

@rahlyrah: I had really bad PPD around where you are and our relationship was not in a great place either. We had help with LO from MIL so that helped us get along, but in many ways we weren't on the same page. Once I was better and LO settled down things started to get on track. Probably by 6/7 months pp things were good again with me and with our relationship. It could be faster than that for you though, we were busy with other things at the time which sort of prolonged the lack of "normalcy " (dh's job and school and travel related...) We finally did reach that "new normal" people talk about.

One thing that DH is really good at (far better than me) is stopping me for a second and saying, "hey, give me a hug". If the baby's crying? Well, she can wait 3 seconds. If i'm running around like a maniac, cleaning bottles and getting ready for bed? It just forces me to stop and relax for a second. It sounds so cheesy and lame, but since my mind is on baby stuff most of the time (esp while on maternity leave), he really forced me to stop and take a breath. And, you know, hugs are good.

Very helpful!

If you've read my most recent post and the venty updates contained within, you will know that DH and I have been snapping at each other a lot of late. Early parenthood is ridiculously tough, you're both tired, things get said..... Ugh! That said, I think having DD has actually strengthened our relationship. I've had to learn to argue (instead of cry), to not take things to heart so much and to bounce back from an exchange of cross words (previously I would have stewed for ages, convinced we were doomed - I was deeply hurt by any confrontation). DH has had to learn to back down and admit when he is wrong - he actually apologised to me today for being off last night!!! We've had to lean on each other more and work as a team and I appreciate him so much more now than I ever did (although with that comes higher expectations which he doesn't always meet!). I crave time with him now, where before maybe I took him for granted. All in all, its been a positive experience, disguised as a really bloody awful one!!

So it has been both better and more difficult, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I think before LO our relationship was pretty effortless, with minimal fights. Now we are a lot more hectic, tend to fight more, and we definitely have to put more work into spending time together and making each other a priority (which, we are really bad about). That being said, we absolutely are both smitten with our daughter and our love for each other has grown immensely now that we're parents. It's a really special thing to see your hubby as a daddy. I love him in a whole new way now.

Unlike many I think the earlier months were easy for us. I had minimal issues adjusting, LO was a great baby, and DH's life was not disrupted in the least. It was better because I was home and he had dinner on the table every night, etc. It wasn't until I went back to work that things got somewhat tough. Then we found our groove, and that got better. We've had a hell of a lot less sex but we're older, so that may be part of it too. haha! We have gotten much better, but I do understand what people mean when they say marriage is work now where before I didn't understand what was so difficult.

Either way, I think communication with each other is great. Pre-TTC, during, and post. It's a big decision to make and an even bigger commitment, but it is hands down the BEST thing I've ever done in my life.

Absolutely with having a baby your relationship changes. To start I love DH more each passing day. To see him evolve into a father and to love our little girl has allowed me to see a whole new side of him and it is the most wonderful side. I trust DH more than anyone in the world and it is because I trust him with our baby. I feel like we have a more intimate relationship. Physically having a child is very emotional and to experience that together has brought our intimacy to another level. That said having a baby has also made our relationship harder. It is harder to find time (or quality time) together and lack of sleep certainly can bring out the worst in a person. I would say we bicker more now about stupid things or nothing. Bottom line though I think it's a good conversation to have pre TTC but you really can't predict how your relationship will change. Just create a good foundation now and everything will work out

@DiamondEyes: I am glad I could help out lol You got some great advice here