Ever since we had kids, I feel like I am officially part of the family. Not sure why I feel that way, as I was always treated very well before! But now they're stuck me haha!
Has your relationship with your SO's mom gotten better or worse since kids? What about your SO's family in general?
grapefruit / 4817 posts
About the same. Though we grew closer in the fact that she's now seen my boobs multiple times.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Much better! She was a total B before we had LO.
pomelo / 5178 posts
I think my relationship with my in laws has greatly improved since we had kids. 
The affection they show their grandbabies makes me feel quite a bit closer to them.
persimmon / 1479 posts
Worse. AFter we told her we were pregnant with our second (my second, his first) 4 years ago, she said she wasn't ready to be a Grandma and pretty much quit talking to us. The first year of DD's life she was never around. DH reached out and said he wanted to more involoved in LO's life and she lashed out.
Since things have been full of drama and every 6 months or so she completley goes off on DH and says some pretty unforgivable things.
We just had DD 3 and things really peaked this past Christmas when DD was only a few days old. I am not really sure why she acts the way she does, everyone in DH's family just says that's they way she is:(
ETA: To be fair my MIL is the only one on DH's family that has a problem. His dad's family (they are divorced) I am super close with and us having kids hasn't really changed much because we all got a long great before:)
pomegranate / 3503 posts
It got worse initially because we used to conflict on newborn parenting techniques. Now that the kids are older, things have gotten a lot better. My ILs just left after a 2 week stay and it was a very pleasant two weeks for everyone!
coconut / 8861 posts
Worse. When I was pregnant, I was courteous and sent pics, etc. The first visit when LO was two weeks old was so stressful because of MIL's lack of planning. It was an epic disaster. Even worse, they guilted DH about not letting them stay at our condo. Three, loud people in a condo with a newborn and new parents doesn't make a good scenario whatsoever.
On my MIL's second pp visit at 8 weeks, it erupted into a drama filled fun fest where she called me an "immature bitch." I went toe to toe with her to awful results. She did all sorts of dramatic crying, etc. I was seen as cold. Total mess. We've been in counseling since. We visit there tomorrow through Monday. My goal is to be as nice as possible and say nothing that will provoke her. I'm super stressed about it. I can't wait for Monday or Tuesday of next week. We go to counseling the Friday after the trip.
papaya / 10570 posts
So far, a little worse....
Pre-pregnancy, our relationship was great but since I got pregnant she has been overbearing which has in turn made me super sensitive to everything she says and does. The tension between us, I think, is obvious now: she wants unlimited access to her grandchild and there is one person in her way - me.
I really don't know how it will pan out when LO is here. Right now, I'm hormonal and irrational, she is over excited and a little anxious about the amount of access she will get. Hopefully it'll all come out in the wash.....
grapefruit / 4187 posts
@cascademom: Oh my goodness that's horrible! Your MIL sounds like a real winner... I hope things improve soon!
My IL's have always been super nice to me and they still are now that I'm pregnant. The one thing that bothers me a little though is my MIL has stepped up the chatter about her oldest grandchild, the princess of the family my BIL's daughter. She literally will not stop talking about her. It's almost annoying because while I do care about her, it's like talking too much about any subject and I start to wonder if she's feeling threatened or something that DH and I are now having kids too?
persimmon / 1134 posts
Worse. It's not *bad*, but she definitely bothers me more than before LO. She is a little suffocating sometimes, and I feel like she steps on my toes a lot. The worst part is, anytime I stand up for myself (or have DH nicely intercept) she gets super upset and hurt by it and makes it into a bigger deal than neccessary. It caused me to have a lot of resentment towards her in the beginning, that I'm just starting to let go of. She also gets offended if we ask my mom to babysit and not her everytime. It's resulted in us not ever asking either of them to babysit outside of their usual time when we're working.
pomegranate / 3516 posts
Our relationship was never bad but I guess it's probably better after having LO because we've gotten closer.
coconut / 8861 posts
@Modern Daisy: I've accepted that she won't change. I just have to be very careful about what I say and do and how I act during our trip.
persimmon / 1479 posts
@cascademom: I remember hearing about your MIL before. I hope the trip goes ok, maybe bring multiple bottles of wine as a gift (you didn't know what she liked so you HAD to bring options) .... 
grapefruit / 4800 posts
It was good while I was pregnant but the first year after LO was born was awful. MIL was very jealous of my parents relationship with LO (my parents live just as far away but they chose to visit more) and was extremely opinionated about parenting and horrified that we did things differently than she did and took it as a personal offense. She caused drama all the time over nothing, we really couldn't do anything right, even going out of our way to do things for her while we had a newborn were turned around into some unnecessary drama.
I'm not sure what changed or if I'd just been obstinate enough that she realized she wasn't going to change me as a parent, or that she realized she probably wasn't going to get grandkids from her other son, but LOs second year has been much, much better.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
Worse...we have a few issues with some things she does. We get along but things have been rocky.
nectarine / 2994 posts
Worse. But we (unfortunately) live with the in-laws so she definitely over-steps her boundaries. LO is 7 months and I'm at the point that any comment she makes about LO annoys me. She likes to compare LO to her 2 year old grandson, make comments how "lo loves her grandad more then anyone else" and also she says "I want you (LO) to stay little forever and always be MY baby" Urgh. I stayed at my mum's last weekend and when I got home mil said to LO "you've been gone 3 whole days, you've grown at least 6 inches! You didn't forget me did you?" She also gets offended because I ask my mum to babysit and never her/fil - they don't even know how to put a diaper on properly. Ok end rant!
pomegranate / 3917 posts
Much, much worse.
I used to love, love, love my MIL and now.....we don't communicate ever, at all because of what happened when they came and stayed with us when LO was born.
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
@mrbee: You should add a poll
I think my relationship with my MIL got worse after DD, but it was for a number of different reasons. We're on better terms now, but I still tread lightly.
coconut / 8861 posts
@mrsmenow: Thanks. I'm hoping it goes well too. I'm covering my bases by bringing framed pics of LO for his mom and grandma (great grandma) as well as a USB drive with some pics not to be put on FB. We're staying at his grandparents house which is better equipped for 3 additional people. I'm hoping that DH sticks to his end of the bargain in talking with MIL. He didn't do one thing established in counseling, so I'm on edge about the whole trip.
clementine / 896 posts
Worse. Because I dont let her do whatever she wants with the kids and its make her mad.
grapefruit / 4582 posts
Better. Ever since I was pregnant she was there for me whenever I needed anything. She would go on walks with me, take me to lunch, buy me maternity dresses when I was overdue and too small for what I had she's the best!
clementine / 830 posts
Worse because she was suppose to be LO's caretaker when I went back to work but decided she couldn't/wouldn't do it when LO was 1.5 months old, leaving me to scramble for childcare. When she visits I am constantly undermined but in the most annoyingly passive aggressive way. I make a point to be cordial and polite for everyone's sake but LORDY is it hard sometimes!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
Worse! It's because she doesn't let me be the mother to my child...MIL does what she wants with LO with or without my consent/approval/knowledge.
grapefruit / 4235 posts
Better. We always got along but I love seeing her interact with him. And she never steps on our toes, parenting-wise. And like @mrbee I feel like a "real" part of the family now.
grapefruit / 4731 posts
@mrbee: Ever since we had kids, I feel like I am officially part of the family.
You took the words out of my mouth.
We were together for a while but I never felt part of the family till I got pregnant with DS.
coconut / 8305 posts
Ummm a little better? I think that had more to do with time than having kids though. It's still not good & we still don't really like each other...
nectarine / 2964 posts
I always like my MIL. It is the FIL that I have a problem with lol
I think before I had a child, I was treated as a nobody / low level being / ant by the FIL. Now, to begin with, I was treated by FIL as the "that woman who bared my first grandchild". After I got pissed off and "said something", I seemed to have been promoted to be "the mother to my grandson."
OK Maybe I am exaggerating a bit but i can't help it after all that bad blood for the past 10 years.
pear / 1599 posts
With my MIL it was never great, barely good, but definitely worse since marriage/LO. But it is at her choosing, I have tried with her a lot, and she knows what to do to make it better when and if she wishes. Still sucks though.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Better! She was overbearing before but dh set boundaries when I was pregnant n she's been really good about it! I enjoy our relationship now!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
The same. They were loving, welcoming and accepting when we eloped before I met any of them 
And they're just as loving and giving now!
coconut / 8498 posts
About the same. Better in that I feel more a part of the family now. Worse in that I feel like she's constantly comparing LO to my SIL's kids. Plus, with LO I just feel like there's more to lose, and I tend to take things a bit too personally.
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