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Have you ever been close to someone who considered abortion??

  1. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @Peachtree: I think there is a big difference in "pressuring" and "advising". It sounds to me like you have offered her your opinion and perspective.

    I am somewhat sick of this world just standing by and letting everyone do what they want. If you don't believe in it and don't believe it is the right thing to do, then stand up and say something. For example, If I see someone about to drive drunk, I step in and say something so they don't kill someone. Obviously it is their own business if they choose to drive drunk, but I believe it is wrong and I will say something and offer them help and an alternative situation (a cab home or information about adoption). If they choose to listen to me great, if not yes, it is their decision.

  2. mrbee

    admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts

    @Mrsbells: I believe it's a real thread.

    OP, thanks for sharing and I wish you the very best with a difficult situation.

  3. sarac

    pomelo / 5093 posts

    @MsLipGloss: Seriously! I was in the perfect place in my life for a baby, we were very ready, and she was desperately wanted. And it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I often think 'wow, I'm glad I went into this 100% willingly', because knowing how much I wanted it really gets me through the hard parts. I wonder about people who go into it accidentally, or when they aren't ready. If any part of me did not want this experience, I would be so angry. That must be so, so difficult.

  4. KissMeCait

    apricot / 280 posts

    @Peachtree: That "article" isn't helping your case.

  5. Peachtree

    pea / 17 posts

    @Thehistoryofus: so true.

  6. Peachtree

    pea / 17 posts

    @KissMeCait: I just wanted to point out that she did make choices to put her in this position. Thank you.

  7. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    I am pro-choice, as well. But in your situation, have you asked your sister if she is willing to put the baby up for an adoption? If she is healthy, she might be able to find parents that can pay for her medical expenses. I wouldn't force her to choose adoption but I would suggest the idea to her.

    But as a pro-choicer, I do believe it's ultimately up to her decision. As someone who is dealing with infertility, adopting an infant is definitely a possibility at this point in my life. She can choose whether she wants the adoption to be open or closed... meaning she wants contact or no contact at all with the child.

  8. .twist.

    pineapple / 12802 posts

    @Peachtree: I was kind of under the impression you wanted alternate views of your situation. It really seems your looking to connect with like-minded people.

    This looks like a great forum for pro-life discussions: http://www.prolifeamerica.com/fusetalk/forum/

  9. KissMeCait

    apricot / 280 posts

    @Thehistoryofus: I'm confused. Are you comparing a drunk driver to a woman who chooses to abort? If so, wow.

  10. daniellemybelle

    cantaloupe / 6669 posts

    @Peachtree: That's not always true. Many women are raped or coerced.

    Abortion is a legal, safe option. It is up to your sister whether or not she believes it is the moral or right one. I understand your beliefs and that is hard to stand by and watch a human life destroyed. Unfortunately, you will have to do just that - stand by. It's not up to you.

  11. Lindsay05

    pomegranate / 3759 posts

    I don't think this is even a question for debate. She is 22 years old. You are saying she should be taking responsibility for her actions but yet you are trying to persuade her into what you think is best. All you can do is support her in the decision she makes and be hopeful that she does learn from this. If she's not ready for whatever reason to raise a child, who are you to convince her that she is? I don't think this thread needs to be a discussion on who is pro-life or pro-choice. Your sister is the only person who can make the decision. Period.

  12. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    @mrbee: Oh in that case, my apologies then to @Peachtree

  13. mrsjazz

    coconut / 8234 posts

    @Thehistoryofus: OP used the word "pressuring" and wanted advice for how to "persuade" her sister into keeping the baby. Pressuring and persuasion are not advising. OP has said her peace, time to be a supportive sister or butt out if she can't handle her sister's choices.

  14. littlek

    GOLD / squash / 13576 posts

    @winniebee: Agree.

  15. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    @Peachtree: Sorry you can disregard that comment I deleted it.

  16. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    @Peachtree: I agree with @Twist; you clearly don't want opinions other than your own.

    You can only control your own choices and your sister should do what is right for her; which might definitely include having an abortion. There are plenty of unwanted and thrown away children out there who would benefit from a positive role model in their lives; perhaps you could spend your energy on the children who are already here; and are still unwanted.

  17. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @mrsjazz: I am sorry if I did not make that clear. I do not believe that you should "pressure" anyone on an issue this large. Ultimately the decision is hers and she has to live with that decision whatever it may be. However, if you do not agree with what someone is doing (aka driving drunk or an abortion) you have the right and should stand up to make your opinion known. I also believe you should be prepared that people may not agree with your stance and they may not want to be around you any more (but if you really believe in your stance you should be willing to accept that).

  18. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @mrsjazz: Also, I do no believe in a situation like this the OP needs to be a "supportive" sister. If she does not believe in abortion but the sister (within her rights) chooses to do have one, the OP should not have to stand by and support her.

  19. Mrs. Pickle

    blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts

    I think the best thing you can do for your sister is be there for her no matter you what she decides.

  20. LindsayInNY

    bananas / 9229 posts

    I agree with a lot of other posters and think your sister needs to ultimately make the decision herself. Without the advice, persuasion, etc. of you, your parents or anyone else. She might want to look into finding a therapist to help her with this decision. Might help to have a neutral third-party?

  21. MamaMoose

    GOLD / squash / 13464 posts

    I am pro life for myself! Especially now that I've gone through a pregnancy I could never imagine having an abortion. But I also recognize that I have no authority to tell anyone else what to do with their own body. I think it would be more of a tragedy for this child to be brought into a world where it isn't wanted or loved than for your sister to have an abortion. You've said your peace, now leave the situation alone unless you are going to step up and help raise the child. Also, you said you were a mother and in that case I find it very sad that you are basically saying your sister should accept this child as "punishment" for her irresponsible choices.

  22. littlebug

    honeydew / 7504 posts

    it is not your job to persuade her or pressure her to think like you. it is your job to support her, no matter what. I can guarantee you, this is far and away the most difficult decision she has ever or will ever make. As her sister, you need to put aside your judgement and just be there for her.

  23. KissMeCait

    apricot / 280 posts

    @Thehistoryofus: The OP doesn't have to hold her hand through the procedure but she should at least respect her sisters decision and try to be there for her. If she chooses to not be supportive then she can more than likely kiss any future relationship with her sibling goodbye. I certainly couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on me during an incredibly trying time in my life, regardless of our differing beliefs.

  24. Peachtree

    pea / 17 posts

    @yoursilverlining: Obviously if I didn't want other opinion than my own, I wouldn't have consulted HB. All I wanted to do was point out that she did make these choices to put herself in this situion.

  25. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @KissMeCait: Agree, I think the term "support" can be defined many ways and some believe that it should mean drive her to the clinic. Could you be emotionally supportive and respect someone who murdered/killed/aborted a child?

    I understand what you are saying, I am just trying to give the OP some perspective and support on this thread.

  26. .twist.

    pineapple / 12802 posts

    @KissMeCait: +1

  27. KissMeCait

    apricot / 280 posts

    @Peachtree: Are you perfect in every way? I doubt it. No one is. Everyone makes mistakes. She shouldn't be demonized because she screwed up.

  28. Peachtree

    pea / 17 posts

    I also just want to add, everyone is telling her how hard it will be that she can't do it, don't do it. I just wanted to tell her hey, it will be hard but YOU CAN DO IT. I wanted to boost her self esteem in case she maybe did think becoming a parent is what she wanted. I definitely realize I need to be supportive no matter what she chooses. Thank you for all the responses, I definitely did not intend for this to get so heated.

  29. mrbee

    admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts

    << I certainly couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on me during an incredibly trying time in my life, regardless of our differing beliefs. >>

    @KissMeCait: I'd appreciate it if you could help us keep this thread civil.

  30. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    ** Just wanted to note that I deleted because Mr. Bee addressed above.

  31. Peachtree

    pea / 17 posts

    @KissMeCait: I am definitely not perfect and make mistakes every day. But getting pregnant is not just an every day mistake.

  32. Lindsay05

    pomegranate / 3759 posts

    This is a really difficult situation to be in and I hope you both can find peace in whatever decision is made.

  33. .twist.

    pineapple / 12802 posts

    @Peachtree: It's a really touchy subject on any forum. If no one ever talked about these issues the world would be a pretty boring place.

  34. Peachtree

    pea / 17 posts

    @Thehistoryofus: thank you, I think you are the only one.

  35. KissMeCait

    apricot / 280 posts

    @Thehistoryofus: I consider murdering/killing a child and aborting a "child" to be two very different things. In my opinion, life does NOT begin at conception so abortion is not murder. Yes, of course I could emotionally support and respect someone who aborted a fetus. I have, I do and I always will. No, I could not respect someone who murdered a child because he/she was a living, breathing being.

  36. Honeybee

    pomelo / 5178 posts

    I think one of the hardest parts of loving someone is accepting them as an individual. It's definitely the hardest part of parenting (accepting that my kids are going to ultimately make their own decisions and that they SHOULD act autonomously on their own) but I think it extends to other relationships, too.

    Good luck, OP. I hope you can come to peace with her decision, even if you disagree with it.

  37. KissMeCait

    apricot / 280 posts

    @mrbee: How am I not keeping this thread civil? Trust me, I'm not expressing half of the thoughts that I really have on the subject.

  38. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @Peachtree: I am stepping out of this thread now.

    You obviously sound like you believe that she has other options than abortion and I think you are right to make sure she knows her options and your opinion. I would share that with her and then let her make her choice. This is a very hard decision she is going to have to make. She is your sister, and I do believer there is a way here to support her without supporting an abortion.

  39. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    @Peachtree: She definitely did make the adult decision of being intimate with someone. The consequence is having to make an extremely difficult life decision that will no doubt affect her for the rest of her life.

    My initial response was made without regard to whether I'm pro choice or pro life. It more had to do with your statement about pressuring your sister. You are both in a very difficult situation - I would find it very hard to not impose my views on a close loved one in this situation. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this and I hope your sister copes.

  40. runsyellowlites

    coconut / 8305 posts

    @Peachtree: Considering she is your sister and not just "anyone" you have EVERY right to speak into her life if you feel she's going to be making a mistake that affects her basically forever! If we can't depend on FAMILY to love us & help us see possible danger up the road then who can we trust to truly be there for our very best interest?..

    I would be very clear about where you stand, but at the same time know that you cannot make that decision for her. Let her know that your parents are WRONG and that this baby could very well be the very best thing that has ever happened to her (I've heard very few stories where the opposite were true). Your parents seem like they're more concerned with a quick fix than the condition of your sisters heart (because that's where whatever guilt or regret she'll possibly have will be). Her friends sound like they're young and without understand and so it's almost to be expected. =(

    Just because she isn't on her feet now doesn't mean she can't be in the near future and I see young girls all the time in the situation of unplanned pregnancies begin doing great things for their lives and their new baby's life! (I work in a ministry home for women).

    Considering the father... more than likely, if she doesn't push it then he won't be around and she could probably get him to sign his rights over just so he doesn't have to pay child support. And... there is someone out there that would love her AND her child.. I know because I've been in the same place and now have a wonderful family for my son and future children.

    Be the voice of HOPE that just because she can't see the light at the end of tunnel now doesn't mean there isn't one! IF she decides to go through with it then just be there to support her, to love her, and to let her cry to you if she ends up regretting it... My mother had an abortion before I was born (much of the same situation) and she's told me many times that there isn't a day that goes by she doesn't think about who that child would be today. Whatever you do, just love her and really think about what that means to you.... what would love look like if it were you in her shoes? Would it be everyone "minding your own business" or someone trying to talk perspective into you? What would it look like if you went through with it, what do you think you would need? Answer those questions and then just do what you would want to be done for you. Just love her the best you can.

    I'm so sorry you and your family is in this situation! I've learned one thing in dealing with unplanned pregnancy and abortion consideration and that is NOONE wants to be there and it's incredibly trying on all involved. I'll definitely be praying for you and your family!

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