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My husband is working toward completing his PhD and we had our daughter 4 months ago. We don't struggle financially, but some weeks are much busier for him and I take most of the work load. I also stay at home, so there are times I don't get much of a break. We are lucky in that our daughter is a pretty easy baby overall and we only have a year left until he is finished. Also, he has a really flexible schedule, which is nice.

@IRunForFun: My family is 2 hours away and his 3. When he was preparing for his prelim, I spent two separate weeks at my parents so that he could focus and get where he needed to be, but he is a very slow and meticulous worker so it is easier for him to fall behind. We just do what works best and I try to stay very flexible.

I plan on going back for my masters. I'm a teacher, so I won't be taking classes full time, but I will be taking a class or two a semester. Luckily, my mom is our nanny and DH works from home. Plus, I have my summers off to make it work. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I really don't have much choice in the matter!

@IRunForFun: forgive me if this sounds offensive, but as crucial as a support system is while starting a family, for me, the best opportunity would definitely trump that. is your dh getting a phd to become an academic? because in my field, the school--and particularly the advisor that you work with--is central to your future success on the academic job market as well as your intellectual development. my husband married me knowing that we'd end up going wherever my career takes us, be it grad school, post docs, or future jobs. (luckily, his job is flexible so that we are able to do that.) that said, my field also has a terribly restricted job market. if your husband's field is more flexible or he's going into the private sector than maybe the department isn't as important as having family nearby (like, econ phds are in WAY higher demand than other social sciences), but i know for me, in my chosen field and career path, I would have resented my husband for discouraging me from attending my top choice program

eta: i also say this as the daughter of academics who grew up very far away from extended family because that's where my parents' jobs took them...

I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and working on my Master's + working FT, but my situation is easier because my degree is almost entirely online. We went into TTC knowing that I would more than likely be a year into grad school when the baby got here, and we had a lot of discussions of expectations, work load, etc. It's working out well for us because DH has committed himself to helping me out for the next couple of years while I get my Master's, because he knows its what I need to do to get the jobs I want. He's aware that he will be taking on more than the average dad when it comes to housework and taking care of LO, but he has no problem with that. We also plan on sending him back to school for his Associate's when I'm done, so I will then take the turn of doing more work/being supportive.

My main advice, then, is to have lots of conversations. Lay out your finances, your 5-year plan, where you both expect to be (location, family planning, etc), what the expectations of shared housework are, etc. If you communicate and have a plan, I don't think you'll have too many problems.

DH has been in paramedic school that's 2 hours away for the last 7 months. 4 months of pregnancy and 3 since our daughter has been here. Finances are tight now but once he's done, we'll be fine. We knew it was going to be the situation so we've been saving for a while. It's tough sometimes but I know it's not forever.

I'm currently in law school, and DH is working on a 1 year certificate program through the university where we got our undergrad + he's also working full time. Our son, X, is 17 months. I think for me, the biggest thing is that I try to keep things in perspective-- it's hard having a kid now, but it will be harder once I start working. Now, I get to spend 10 hours a day with my son and be his primary caregiver. I could take a semester or even a full year off if/when we have another child with minimal impact on my career. I won't have those options later. So, for us, in terms of our ages and careers, this is really the best time to have small children. And that's been echoed by others in the field that I've talked to. Also-- law school is very competitive (like a lot of post-grad programs), and while I'd love to compete more with my classmates, the truth is my goal is to graduate with decent job prospects and with my family intact and mostly happy. So if that means I'm a B/B+ student, I'm ok with that. My family comes first.

Practically speaking, we make it work a few ways: We don't have to pay for childcare because of the way my classes line up with my husband's work schedule. (Plus DH's program is mostly online, so that can be done after X goes to bed at night.) We have family nearby, and they fill in any gaps with childcare. The biggest challenge is that we don't see each other much 4 days a week, and during finals, I'm so stressed that DH just steers clear of me. We cope by having regular date nights (even if it's just a movie and a cocktail at home), and we make a point to spend extra time together when I'm on a school break.

Financially, it's also hard-- it's scary taking on a huge amount of school debt while you have a family. But long-term, it's going to be better for our family, so we're trying to look at it as an investment. Going forward, we'll stay flexible-- maybe we'll have a second child while I'm in school, maybe we won't. Maybe I'll go back to work and cut back my school schedule to one class at a time... it's hard to say what's going to be best for us-- but we're staying flexible and we'll see what we can do that's best for our family long-term.

We had LO while DH was in ths second year of med school. It has workeed out ok but can be challenging in terms of schedules and the lack of flexibilty he has. I WOH FT and we live off my salary and only borrow tuition to limit our future debt. Thankfully my job is flexible and supportive so they have been willing to work with my need to be the designated person to get LO from daycare etc.

Our nearest family is 2 hours away, but we do have some supportive friends here. If you are both on the same page about what the situation will look like then i think you can make it work.

We had LO during DH's last year of a PhD and I thought it was a great time to have a baby. He had a lot more flexibility then and his PI knew him well so he didn't have to prove himself at that point. There was a bit of a stressful time the month before he turned in his thesis but not too bad. We'll be having #2 next year when he's in his last year of med school (he's doing the dual degree program), I agree with you that having a support system is important for both of you, def one of our important factors in deciding where to go in the future. I did know a couple guys who had kids early in their PhD and it turned out just fine, though I do think it's easier once you're a bit established.