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I saw this earlier today. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand it takes a lot of strength to do what she did. On the other, I can never see myself wanting to do this in the same situation. I would lose so much love and respect for DH if he ever did that to me. We're both really big on working through problems, and for him to just give up with no notice would be pretty unforgivable.

Wow. What an amazing article.

Wow.

Wow, that was a really interesting read and I commend her for having the strength to give her husband the space he needed, I don't think I have it in me to do the same. I do think however, that people today are kind of obsessed with pursuing happiness which in turn seems to make them sad.

If my husband said to me what hers said to her I would box up his shit, change the locks, and leave his boxes on the driveway. It is about having self respect. Being used as someones emotional punching bag for 6 months isn't self respect.

Also, if she needed space and was hurting or feeling down or unhappy or whatever, would her husband give her space to workit out? I don't think so. I can't imagine wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Total waste of time.

Yes I've seen this! I pray that my husband and I never have a period in our marriage like this, but that if we do....I pray that I have the kind of strength and courage she had!

@MsMini: i totally agree.

her husband basically got to live wife and child free for 6 whole months to do whatever selfish things he wanted to do. i highly doubt any man would let their wife do the same. also, whos to say he isnt going to become unhappy and out of love again at some other point down the road?

lol @MsMini: yes! and ditto @deerylou: @plantains: I never want to be in a relationship where the other person did not want to be with me. I understand wanting 24 hours of space, or even a week to get away and be with family or friends. But six months? No.

My brother in law's first marriage ended that way. His first wife told him she was not happy and thought they should get a divorce. Same idea, he gave her space with a time frame of six months. During that six months, he saw her three or four times. By the six month, they had nothing to say to each other, they had been living separate lives for so long. He always told my husband that his biggest regret was not showing her how much he cared and didn't want her to leave.

I'm glad things worked out for the original author, but I'm not sure it would work out this way for everyone.

Wow.

@Mrs. High Heels: I agree. I admired the wife.

@Freckles: I don't know if selfish was the right word but I mean more of a "why won't you just let him leave? If he's not happy let him go"

@MrsTiz: Ah, gotcha. I think it's easy to feel that way when your pride is wounded. I used to have that same mindset, but i find that i've changed over the years.

@Mrs. High Heels: My otherwise always happy DH went through a dark period related to a dissertation-related rut. I took it personally and felt it was all about me, when really, he just had some things to figure out. Sometimes, i think you just need to give space (especially for men). Divorce is a serious, "final" process. I would rather fight than easily let him go.

I don't know if I'd be able to react the way she did, but I would not believe my husband if he told me he didn't love me and thought he never did. This would be the time that we would open up the box we sealed on our wedding day and read the letters we wrote to each other. I see it the way you do @Mrs. High Heels: He went through something internally and had to find happiness within and get over whatever he was going through. A divorce probably would not have made him happy in the end. Makes me ponder how I would react if my husband did come to me with something like this.... I just pray that day never happens.

@mrskc: I think this is a great point, if DH told me he didn't love me and thought he never did, I could not believe him. I think that would be a huge sign that something was wrong, he was depressed or struggling or something.

I don't know if what she did was the right thing (it obviously was for her family) and I don't know what I would do, but it was interesting. I also really agree with @MamaMagpie: every relationship is so different so it really is impossible to have a universal right answer or thought.

I read this over and over when nyt published this a year or a few years ago. This is what for better or worse, death do us apart really means. I hope if something like this happens to me or DH we will know each other well enough to diagnose what's really happening with our partner, what would make him or her do this. And not once did I think the author was a pushover, far from it!

I agree with @Mrs. High Heels.

Having been in a similar situation - the first part, at least, not the part about doing what he wants for 6 months - I can say that you truly do not know how you will react until you're put into the situation. My husband said he thought the best thing for us would be to divorce. He said he wasn't happy anymore. Mind you, this was a week before our first wedding anniversary and I was seven months pregnant. I simply said, "no. absolutely not. we are going to work this out." and put my foot down. He was going through some really dark times, and is still struggling, but I am forever glad that I didn't just say "okay" and let him walk out the door. I feel as though we are stronger now for it.

I think my gut reaction was to just throw the guy out!

After thinking about it, only she knew her husband and what he truely meant. Granted I don't think my husband would ever say those things to me but I trust that she knows her husband and knows if he meant it or not.

I think every relationship is different and she had a choice here, to fight for her marriage knowing what she knew or to let go of her marriage knowing what he knew.

I think she did what was right for her.

@Mrs. High Heels: I agree with what you said completely! Your analogy to someone who was depressed is so spot-on! I think this wife is a strong woman who knew herself AND her husband well enough to be able to stand her ground! I only hope I would be so strong if this happened to me.

I would say GTFO!! That man was so disrespectful to not only his wife, but children as well. I would not tolerate it.

@Mrs. High Heels: I agree with this 100%!! It totally reminds me of my days in depression now. I still sometimes deal with dark times in my marriage but my husband knows being depressed isn't about him, he doesn't take it personally, he knows its an internal battle for me and he fights with me. I think in a dark time it's easy to say "I don't love you", "I'm not happy" and think leaving (change) is the answer. I am so glad no one left me when I was a depressed teen. I hurt a lot of people, but they stuck with me.