Let me first say I am one of the only members of my extended family who does not smoke. My husband and I don't, but that is it. I grew up surrounded by a haze- swear to batman, I smell stale cigarettes and I get all nostalgic, lol.
So, I am not interested in bashing smokers. That's my mama you're talking about!
BUT. While most smokers I know have adopted smoke minimizing techniques (e-cigs, smoke outdoors only, etc), one particular house, that we frequently visit, has two indoor smokers. They never smoke around LO (18months) but the house reeks of smoke and fancy air fresheners, which in my opinion are almost equally toxic.
The weather is cold, so going outside, our usual solution, is not as much of an option.
If they would just smoke outside, even for just a day before we come over, that would help a lot, but telling someone what to do in their own home goes against my grain.
I get a little nervous every time we go over. LO spends about 10 hours a month in that house, and during the holiday season people gather there non-stop.
It wasn't until our last visit that I realized how bad it was going to be for the next several months.
Are my only options to to ask them not to smoke in their own house or not take LO (or suck it up and hope LO gets through unscathed)?
Any thoughts, solutions, or even just commiseration?
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Can you keep your visits short, under one hour? If they ask why you are leaving sooner than usual, you can answer truthfully. But, I can sometimes be passive aggressive... So I may not have the best advice
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I grew up with pack-a day smoking parents. They smoked in our house- not everywhere, but indoors none the less. It's very hard to tell someone not smoke in their own home, so I wouldn't even attempt to do that. Besides smokers really do not get how the smell and air affects others. Turning on a fan, spraying air freshener, and popping in a breathmint does nothing to help.
I don't think 10 hours a year of smoke exposure is going to permanently harm your LO. However, I would not subject my LO or myself for that matter to an uncomfortable smoke-filled home.
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10 hours a month is a lot, I am guessing though, some of it is outdoors in the summer time?
My husband suffers from the effects of growing up in a smokers home, he has a cough that rages yearly from October to April and there is nothing to be done about it, so this is something I take very seriously.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I thought it was 10 hours a month?
Eta: and I totally agree, I was just talking to someone this weekend about how perfumes or air freshened just add to the smell, not eliminate it. Blech.I'd also leave early and explain why. I'm pretty strict on second and third hand smoke with my LO.
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@sorrycharlie: oops. You are right. An all day monthly visit is way worse.
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I didn't grow up with smokers, so for me, I would have a really low tolerance for this. I don't think I'd bring Lo there for more than an hour. If I would be really uncomfortable I can only imagine how a baby would feel. The negative effects of second hand smoke are well documented, so I can't imagine it would come as a major shock to then that you don't want them inside with it all day.
That said, I am the person that holds my breath when I walk past someone smoking on the sidewalk...
Could you blame it on your ped? Either way I would personally flat out tell them you can't stay more than an hour bc of the smoke and not being able to go outside with the cold. I would rather offend my relatives than put my baby's health at risk. I don't really think them not smoking inside for a day before would make a difference anyway.
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I would ask them to air out the house before we got there. I don't know if I could take my kids there. Any way to offer an alternative location?
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@ChitownRo: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @looch: @sorrycharlie: @Foodnerd81: @mrsmenow:
*sigh* pretty much what I figured people would say. It IS a health hazard. Blerg.
So, has anyone actually had to tell a family member something like this? -
I am an ex-smoker (not indoors) and while I sympathize with the habit, I do not think it is okay for babies to be around any first, second, or third hand smoke.
I wouldn't bring DS to that house if I were in your shoes, as I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to change their habits in their own home.
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Yuck. I wouldn't want to stay there for more than an hour, even without an LO.
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My parents smoke and if it was once a month....all day, boy, I'd really have issues with it. Lo sees my parents like 3x/year and we keep her downstairs away from it a lot (and they don't smoke in the house). I would not take her if it was a constant thing. Just not ok with it
And, yes, i've had this conversation with my parents. I let them know that they don't think it's a big deal because they can't smell it, but I can, and I"m not ok with her smelling like smoke when we leave. Airing out the house is a start, but nothing can really undo all that damage
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It depends who they are, I can tell my mom whatever I need to and she and I work it out. My MIL, not so much.
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@lizzywiz: I haven't had to deal with it yet. My parents still smoke, not in their respective homes, but until they kick the habbit I have already told them time with their future grand kids will be limited. Smelly clothes and smoke blowing in their faces- yuck.
If it's no too strange for you to skip the get together I would just decline the invites. Could you offer to host the get together at your place? Or confide in another relative your issue and see if they could host. When the weather is nice I would sit outside and hopefully the party follows you and LO there.
I wouldn't bring DS to that house if I were in your shoes, as I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to change their habits in their own home.
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