Hellobee Boards

Our moves are job dependent and we don’t have a home base. DH and I have lived in 4 different countries together. We will definitely leave our current location in the next 2 or so years, and the next location will likely be more permanent, as DH and I both kind of want to settle down a bit more. Our older LO will be getting closer to middle school by then. We have a vague idea of a few potential locations, but they will all depend on job opportunities.

It took moving away to a new state for me to realize my (second) home state is home. I’m not sure where ultimately LO will be able to for sure call his home since DH and I move for work and (weather). I can probably peg what I don’t want more in a place to live than what I do. Recently someone asked me if I skied because he doesn’t see any POCs on the slopes. I first responded that he probably doesn’t see many POCs during his entire stay on his vacation- airport, hotel, restaurants, around town etc and he agreed. I finally answered his question and explained yes I have gone skiing as a kid/ teen and he would know that POC ski if he lived and vacationed in other places that have more POC. That is what I don’t want- my LO to be such a minority that someone genuinely would think my son didn’t have a certain experience just because the person hadn’t seen it for himself.

Last year we moved back to the area we both grew up. Most of our family is within 30 minutes. DH was able to transfer with his company, though it will likely put a stop on moving up within the company. DD was 3.5 when we moved and it feels amazing to finally have some family support.

It felt like such an impossible choice though. We both loved where we grew up and there is a lot we still love about the area, but there is a lot we aren't crazy about as well. If our families weren't here I really don't think we would have moved back for a variety of reasons.

I don't like where we live and I would give anything to be closer to family. But we are here because of my husband's job, which is quite specialized. So... we're here due to work.

DW and I met in university which was 3 hrs from my hometown and 5-6 hrs from hers. I don’t really recall why we chose to move to the city we are in now, but it’s 45 mins to her hometown and 3 hours the opposite direction from mine! I got a job straight out of uni here and she made a connection shortly after we moved and got a great job with the government. That was 7-8 years before we had kids and I honestly don’t recall thinking about the future kids we would have in determining where we settled. But our city is massive, diverse and full of opportunity for work and education so I guess it wouldn’t have been a concern. The area of the city we settled in a couple years ago when my older son was 18 months became super important for commutes and schools and we put a lot of thought into that.

I do regret a little that we aren’t in the same city as family. I wish so much my parents lived closer. My in laws are retired and 45 mins away and they do a lot for us and with us. My hometown doesn’t have a lot of opportunity so it isn’t feasible for us to have the careers and pay we have there, not even close! My in laws live in a very very small town with no jobs basically. Almost everyone there commutes to the big city we live in for work, so same thing.

Looking back, I would rank family proximity as a high factor in choosing a location. Also cost of living. Lots of our friends stayed near our uni town and are being priced out of the housing market and commutes and daycare costs are literally crazy. It was great when we were young to live there and have a crappy rental and go out to eat and drink all the time, but they’re now all moving out of the city since having kids. I’m extremely happy with our city and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else really! We are here for the long haul and are in our forever home now.

The key requirements for us are being near a major city and diversity of population. We moved to DC from NJ 16 years ago because we were both going into public service careers - him in government, me in nonprofit - and we've really settled well here. We're still deciding, to some extent, about where we'll live longer term in this area because we bought a condo 10 years ago in an area that suited us 10 years ago but now with a school-age kid, we need something a little different, but we anticipate being in the DC area for the long term, though aging parents without much financial stability might not leave us much choice about moving back to NJ, which neither of us want.

I don’t love where I live - I’m outside Toronto, and I’d rather live in Ottawa, plus it would be a lot better for my career - but my family is here (well, here-ish - they’re 3 hours away, it would be 7 from Ottawa) and our friends are here. It’s basically where I grew up.

We moved to TX for a few reasons - mainly a good job move for DH that would also mean I could SAH, lower overall COL, bonus my brother and family also moved to this area for work so they’re 45m away. Honestly we don’t love it, the weather especially, but it’s a good place to raise a family at this stage. We had lived in a couple cities up north before moving and knew we had to move somewhere due to COL and not knowing how to manage the cost of two kids in the city.

We talk about moving again but I don’t know how realistic it is. Someone would have to find a great job. Our families live within 4 hours of each other in the Midwest so that’s a thought, especially as they get older. Our hearts are in the Boston area where we both spent many years but not sure that will ever make sense.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: This is why we moved from Atlanta. While COL is low, Dh family is there, and all our friends, good weather etc it’s just still not very progressive for minorities. We still experienced a lot of racism in 2012!

I knew I wanted to raise our kids in a multi-cultural environment with lots to do, excellent schools, and good job prospects. My parents moved to NOVA and so we decided to as well. It’s been awesome. The trade off was much higher COL. But, we both have advanced degrees and were lucky to get good jobs with great benefits. So, we don’t get to live in the city ($$) but, we are happy.

@dc yoga bee: not much has changed in 7 years then Hulu is featuring different cities for Black History Month and Atlanta was the first one up. I just sat there thinking this is not my experience and honestly, I shouldn’t have to be surrounded only by people of the same hue to feel welcome.

I don’t think I’d know how to act if I had the chance to move back to the DMV.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I will have to check that show out! We lived in Smyrna and Vinings and DH is from Duluth. Yes, I’m sure our experience would’ve been different in Lithonia or other places but I wanted to be in north Atlanta for schools and that’s where my life was!

We live in our state bc it’s where my family is (who help us out w childcare) and where my job is. I imported my DH from NJ - it was never really a consideration for me to move there. I had a better job and am closer to my family.

When we bought our house it’s bc it was where we could afford and in between-ish our two works. The schools are very good. It’s close enough to my family but not too close. I wish it were more diverse but otherwise we like it here!

The military has always dictated our moves up until 2017... Then it was DH'S new civilian career (and an available Reserve unit) on a nearby mil post which influenced our location. When we lived on-point, DH'S rank played heavily into our housing. I was pleased DD was attending a school on-post as military schools must align with both state and national standards and benchmarks for education. She was learning materials 1-2 grades ahead of the children in surrounding areas off-post. With our most recent move, many things influenced our decision to move where we did. Education (DD attends a highly rated school) and a quiet, safe HOA subdivision were two influences. Another was the home we chose: It is 2x larger than all of our military homes and is located on a lake. All bedrooms have a split plan (so DS has a playroom affixed to his room and DD has an "art studio") and we still have a gym, office for DH, and guest room. Oh, and the price fit our budget with DH's new job, military separation pay, and bonus with his new job. It is also close enough to a few colleges and universities so I was able to find part-time work teaching. We are almost 4 hours away from my in laws, 7 hours from DH'S family in FL, 6 hours from my old best friend, and 20 hours from my family (who I rarely speak with) in the NE.

I really don't like where I grew up and would not consider moving back, despite the fact that having my parents close would be wonderful. And it is not where I would want to raise LO. We are in our current city for work, but we also happen to like it and think it's a good place to raise kids. I expect we'll be here long term.

@pachamama: It does make it so much better for the kids!

My mom's parent's let my parents choose any 5 acres of their land as a gift to build on. So growing up my mom's parent's, her brother, and her sister were just a walk up "the path" from us. Like we could go to Grandma and Grandpa's house without an adult at like 4. My dad's mom lived in town so was really close too (saw her at least weekly).

I love where we live - right on the ocean, with family nearby and a low cost of living. We are a small community with no big cities around so sometimes it’s harder to get certain things, but it’s a great relaxed quality of life.