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I don't really have anything helpful to add because we are in the same place. Though with an even larger gap - our DD turned 4 in December.

We have always disagreed on whether to have one or two. Before DD was born I was pretty set on one while DH wanted two. After she was born we both changed our minds which was a confusing time. Originally we had set DD's third birthday to make a final decision, but then we found out we would be moving but didn't know when, so we bumped it to her fourth birthday. In the past six months or so DH has made comments that he might like another. Well some life things have happened that mean even if we both want another we can't try for awhile.

At this point our gap would likely be 5.5-6.5 years if we decide to do it. But we've decided to just not worry about the gap. I hope we have another, but I also recognize there are some amazing aspects of only having one. Like you said both ways seem lovely, just very different. I know whatever we decide we will have some struggles but we will be happy.

As I said, not very helpful. But just know you aren't alone in the decision.

@peaches1038: We have a 4 year age gap, with 2 boys, now ages 5 and 1. I wanted a second, so not quite the same situation here, but we had trouble conceiving and wound up with a much larger age gap than we wanted or expected. BUT it has been great. Our oldest was out of diapers, slept well, a little more independent than a younger toddler, and able to be a big brother "helper."

There have been some cons, such as we realize they will always be in different schools, so we will be going 2 different directions, and they have frustrations playing together, because the 5 year old wants to construct and the 1 year old wants to destroy...but when they do play well and love on each other, it is the sweetest thing ever.

I'm not much help as I think it's one of those things where life with our first the first 4 years was great and I would have been happy with just him...but life is also great with the second coming along. Either way a win, kind of like you said - either way the outcome is lovely!

We have a 3 year 10 month age gap between our boys, ages nearly 4.5 and 6 months. We are for sure done, and always planned on having 2. We discarded our last frozen embryo from our IVF last month, which was a little more emotional than I thought it would be but we/I feel totally complete now.

After DS1 was born it was a big shock to us and it took a while to come around to the idea of having another and I swore we would never have 2. But around 18 months that started to change. Life got easier and he was so much fun that I actually started to get a bit of baby fever! But DW is much more practical and we knew we wanted to wait until our older was starting school so we could avoid 2 in daycare costs and for DS to be more independent. I am sooooo glad we waited because I literally can’t imagine having 2 super needy kids in diapers and barely scraping by financially. Going from 1 to 2 is hard in a different way...it’s more just constant and relentless. But it’s easier in many other ways because there’s confidence in your parenting second time around.

For us, we need to do IVF to conceive so there was no chance of a happy accident. We had to be all in from the start. We did a couple IUI’s and that really solidified that we were on the right track when they didn’t work out. It’s hard to explain but I felt like there was something/someone still missing from our family. Now I feel content and like we can move on to the next chapter.

Originally we planned on 2, then 6 years ago we had DS. I love him dearly but was so exhausted I was pretty sure I didn’t want to do this again. Until he was 3 we both felt that one was good. I don’t know what changed but near the end of him being three we realized we were open to a second. We stopped preventing. I got pregnant but lost that one pretty early. After this we both knew we for sure wanted a second. It took 9 months to get pregnant again. In this time I had begun to accept the fact that we were only going to have one and could see how great our life would be. We were actually going to stop trying in the new year of that year, so he came at the last possible second!

DS2 was born when DS1 was 5.5. I love the bigger age gap. DS1 is more independent and can help if needed. Now that DS2 is 6 months he is always laughing at his big brother. It is hard to be going through all this baby stuff again after being long done but definitely worth it.

@peaches1038 : I could’ve written your post, except the larger age gap. DS1 is turning 2 in April, and at 18 months we finally felt secure so we decided to get a puppy (cue headbashing now). Things are getting better again so I brought up baby #2 and my husband has waffled between one and two and finally just said “we’re not complete”. That made the decision. IUD is coming out in May.

We have also opted that if we don’t get pregnant by October (I got pregnant on my first cycle last time) that we will be taking permanent measures and keep DS as an only and he’ll have a lot of doggy siblings.

I always wanted at least two and we've toyed with the idea of a third. However, I've never thought about a third and thought "yes, I absolutely need a third to complete my family." On the other hand, when DS was born, I distinctly remember thinking "oh, here's the missing piece of my heart." I still feel like that; our family wasn't complete without him. Don't know if that helps with that part of your question.

In terms of the large age gap, my kids are 3 years 8 months apart. I was 35 when my second was born, my husband was 36. Mind you, we suffered a miscarriage in between DD and DS, which contributed to the age gap. But, I love it. When DS was born, DD totally understood what was going on. She got it when I told her I couldn't help her and needed to nurse. She could actually be helpful and grab things for me/watch the baby for a minute. And, now that they're almost-3 and 6, they play together well and truly love each other. I was really worried that they'd be so far apart in age that I'd never get to see them play together, but that hasn't been the case at all.
Oh, another nice thing about the large age gap is we haven't had much jealousy/rivalry. They're into different things.

My sister and I are almost a decade apart. My parents wanted a second child but had trouble conceiving (and this was at a time that fertility treats were not terribly known about or easily accessible), so they tried for a number of years. My sister and I weren’t very close during childhood but once I was in college and she was in her late 20s, we became very close. But a 4-5 year age difference is not as drastic and I know a number of families with that age difference between their kids - they’ve all loved it, and you can see the older siblings really doting on the babies.

For us, we have two girls 3 and 1. We always said we wanted two, and while part of me misses the idea of being pregnant and having a newborn again (especially bc part of me would love to try for a boy), I think that feeling would always be there regardless of how many kids we had so I try to not dwell on that nostalgia and just focus on what we’d lose if we had a third. We also live in a very high cost of living area, and we would almost certainly have to move if we had a third, which means we wouldn’t live close to family and we’d miss out on having our friends (and their kids) as part of our immediate circle. Also, not having a third kid was solidified after we flew cross country this last time and I had to struggle through multiple tantrums by both kids on the flight back. Don’t know if I would have it in me to have a third kid yelling at me too!

@peaches1038: So we have 3 kiddos.. there is a 4.5 yr gap between the 1st two and a 2 yr gap between the last 2. I honestly prefer the bigger gap, it was much easier having an older sibling that was much more independent.
I think seeing are kids interact with each other is just beyond description, we really wanted them to have that sibling experience and they love each other so much.

@Ms.Mermaid: I really love this perspective