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agree with @mrbee, your dh needs to tell his mom that it's not okay.

@mrsjyw: Just to clarify, btw: I don't think DH has to say something... I feel that decision is up to him.

I just meant that, either he says something or nobody says anything.

I think you need to tell your DH to tell his mom your LO got sick. That is so not fair of her not to listen to your requests.

If I was in your case I would make my husband tell his mom about both incidents. Besides the fact that she's not listening to you guys she is causing pain for your daughter because she thinks she knows best. Which is obviously not the case.

I worry about this with my ILs! They are great but they sneak treats to our dogs all the time so I wonder if they will be the same with LO.

I definitely think you should say something or your husband if your not comfortable talking to your MIL on that level. And like you said it's not the first time your baby has had diarrhea bc of something she gave her. My baby isn't born yet but I've already had jokingly convos with my FIL about feeding our baby things against our wishes. Even though I love them I hope my in laws as well as my parents can respect our wishes bc i will be pissed, especially if it was making my baby sick. That's not something to chalk up to gmoms being gmoms.

i'd be upset, esp if this is the 2nd time this has happened. Your LO (and you who has to deal with the after effects as well) are paying for her well-intentioned but disastrous indescretions. Talk with your DH again, as this is an important issue, and is opening the door for your MIL and future choices, that she can do what she sees fit. It's not fair to you and your LO. Maybe all she really needs to hear are the valid reasons for feeding LO stuff she can't stomach.

I'm usually on the side of letting each spouse deal with their own parents. But my child's health would be more important to me than being polite. This isn't just messing with a sleep schedule or skipping a bath, your MIL's behavior is causing your LO actual pain and sickness. I would insist that your husband tells his mother that her actions have made your baby sick, and if he refuses, I would do it yourself. Sorry but "grandmas will be grandmas" doesn't cut it in this situation.

@MsMini: I think our duty as parents is to make sure that the harm doesn't happen again. One way to do this is to make sure your LO is always supervised when they're with the person feeding them bad foods?

That would be my preference, if I was in the situation myself. Part of this may just be cultural differences though.

Btw I totally don't think this is a grandma will be grandmas situation. I know for a fact my mom would never allow anything I didn't approve first.

Oh man! I agree with Mr Bee. You should try to get your hubs to talk to his mom. That is so not OK!

@Coco Bee: "Btw I totally don't think this is a grandma will be grandmas situation. I know for a fact my mom would never allow anything I didn't approve first." I totally agree! There's a line between grandmas being grandmas by spoiling, and being disrespectful by ignoring the parents instructions (and giving a baby food she cannot digest yet!)

I think your DH needs to say something to his Mom. She probably doesn't realize that feeding your LO those foods made her sick and just thinks that you're being overprotective. I think it's passive aggressive just to watch your DD like a hawk when MIL is around. It doesn't have to be a nasty conversation, but she needs to be aware that her actions made your LO ill. If he goes to her nicely and she still poo-poos your wishes, then you can try the added supervision.

@mrbee: It might be cultural, but it might also be that I come from a long line of blunt loud mouths

This is the same fear I have with my MIL as well. She is coming to visit for six weeks and will be LO's primary caretaker during that time. I have told my husband that our word HAS to be the law... there is no deviating when it comes to LO!

I'm sorry you have to deal with this

I think I'm typically pretty relaxed about the "grandparents will be grandparents and they get special rules," but I'd be REALLY pissed if a grandparent on either side contravened a direct request. I know that my parents will let LO watch a little TV here and there, and I know they let him have a pacifier when he's grumpy as opposed to just in the car (which is what we do), but I expect that if I specifically say "no, he can't have that," they'll abide by those rules.
ESPECIALLY under the circumstances you described- I don't worry about it when my parents babysit for a cranky LO and let him just eat bananas and bread for dinner, because a.) it doesn't really hurt him, and b.) I'm not there to deal with the fallout if LO is being difficult. It's not like your LO was screaming for salami, and even if your LO was, you were there at the event to deal with that fallout... your MIL giving her that food didn't make anyone's life easier, and it was not only disrespectful, it had negative consequences that you and your LO had to suffer and MIL didn't.
If we couldn't trust our parents to use good judgment about respecting our preferences, and treating our rules as rules, we wouldn't leave LO alone with them, and we'd let them know.

Sounds like something my MIL would do...ugh. I wouldn't say anything...somethings are just better left unsaid. BUT, I would NOT leave LO alone with MIL w/o supervision, like pp. If she had a problem with it and wanted to know why, then...I would say something.

I would be pissed. My mom also has the "I'm the grandma so I should be able to spoil her" attitude" and she'll do things like give her ice cream at 7:30 at night and her bed time is 8. And then of course she's rolling around in her crib on a sugar high for an hour before she falls asleep. So I very nicely tell her that it's ok to give her ice cream and spoil her, but not a lot and not that late at night because it's not good for her, and I tell her what happens when she does. My mom is fine with that, she likes that she can still give her a little something and spoil her and she doesn't mind doing it on our terms knowing that she's doing what's best for our LO.

Maybe if you (or like others say, your DH since it is his mother.....) just try talking to her about it, she will be reasonable? If not, I wouldn't leave my LO alone with her. And I would tell her that. It's just not worth it for her safety.

@autumnlove: Wow I would be really angry. If I were in your shoes I would tell my husband that I wont leave my baby alone with MIL since we basically cant trust her when it comes to feeding the child. I am all for being respectful to your MIL but she is crossing the line by feeding your child food that you dont want your child to have

I would say something, I think Grandma needs to know its making her Grandbaby sick...if she knew that it may help.