-
I don't have a great relationship with my MIL do that definitely colors my perspective. Personally, I wouldn't let MIL have baby unsupervised until she can follow your rules. If she asks why you can tell her that she has been getting sick from food that isn't BM and you need to make sure that doesn't happen. You don't blame her for it just point out the problem and solution. I don't let my in laws watch my baby because they don't change his diaper and don't feed him.
-
I would ask Hubs to say something, and if he refused, then I would. I would also tell her that if it happens again, she won't be allowed to watch LO again. Yes, she is the grandmother and she can spoil him, but she should also make sure that he's safe and protected. Feeding him food that he clearly cannot digest is not keeping him safe!
-
She might not realize that LO is actually getting sick from eating these things...she might just think that you're being overly protective. That's why I think it's importan for someone either you or dh to say something--so she actually knows theres a reason that LO can't eat those things, you're not just a killjoy (not that you should have to justify yourself but it would make it easier for her to understand I think). So someone needs to talk to her for sure.
-
Definitley talk to her, but if I were you I would be prepared for more eye-rolling and her getting defensive. I wouldn't make the argument about what is medically best for LO, I would center it around what YOU have decided is best for LO.
Like "I know you have good intentions and you clearly did a great job raising DH, but as a parent I need to be able to make decisions about LO and have others respect my wishes". That way the argument isn't about what is best for LO it's about respecting your parental wishes. Then tell her how LO had problems with the ice cream and sausage and make a point to say "LO could have been just fine eating those things, every child is different, but the point is it was against my wishes and unfortunately I found out about it because of the violent reaction LO had afterwards"
-
@autumnlove: I can't believe she did this to you again! I was so pissed at her when she pulled the ice cream stunt! I'm so sorry this happened again! And your poor LO, her tummy must have hurt her so bad- all that super-processed crap:(
Your daughter is not a dog. She doesn't eat scraps. I hope your DH resolves this with her! Our in laws always feed our chihuahua table scraps (he has an ongoing weight problem and we spend a fortune on Rx food for his "diet") and it drives me insane because our dog will get so fat when they are here and it's just...cruel. When they come in January, I am going to have DH tell them not to feed the dog AT ALL, and I'll lose my sh*t if they do. So I can't imagine how I'd feel if they did the same thing to my baby! I think your MIL does not realize how CRUEL it is of her to ignore your LO's diet and feed her like she's feeding a dog scraps from the table. It tears her little tummy to shreds. It's hateful to put her through that!
-
@autumnlove: Oh man! I understand why your husband has a hard time talking to her about these things then
Mine is the same. Perhaps you can try bringing it up casually instead of being so serious (although it is serious, she might be more willing to actually listen this way). So instead of saying how she can't feed your LO this and that, start it by mentioning how worried you are about your LO's tummy and diaper rash. Tell her how he's been crying, has diarrhea and how the daycare thinks it's because of the lunch meats he was fed. Don't accuse her of giving it to him, just focus on how sick he was because of it. That way she doesn't feel attacked and instead will just realize how bad of an idea it was for her to do it. Then don't leave LO alone with MIL until she shows she can be a responsible adult. After this initial "talk" you can be more blunt if ever it happens again.
There is a chance that she will react defensively regardless of much you avoid blaming her. Then it can get ugly.
MILs like that remind me of Jr. High School all over again
-
completely 100% unacceptable.
-
Oh hell no! Someone needs to put the smack down on Grandma. If DH doesn't step up to the plate, I don't see anything wrong with you having a word with her. Nothing harsh, just a simple request to stop feeding LO foods that may make the baby sick. I would be livid if my MIL pulled off shenanigans like this.
-
DH talked to her. He says she was apologetic and concerned and wanted to make sure I didnt just drop LO off at daycare and ignore her....serious? She says she won't disobey our parenting guidelines again but she said LO needs more food and the bland stuff we feed her isn't enough! She reminded him that he ate flavorful food starting at 6 months and never had diarrhea issues....we are sheltering her, etc.
She also asked him if I was planning to go back to work after baby #2 because the thought of two of her grandchildren in daycare with strange women makes her sick. DH told her that we will make the best decision for our family and we don't need her input...we already know how she feels about daycare.
I'm not really convinced by her apology. We don't want to prevent her from seeing LO so we will have to watch her closely because I don't want LO getting sick like this again! -
@autumnlove: Glad he talked to her!
Boo on her answer though.
-
@autumnlove: I'm so sorry that that's how she handled the conversation. She owed you and your LO a proper apology not a string of excuses and more accusations about the quality of your parenting. Ugh!
-
@autumnlove: oh and btw, I would never give cold cuts to a baby because I'd worry about listeria. I know some doctors are ok with it, but I don't see the risk being worth it.
Is she even aware that listeria is an issue? Another reason she shouldn't be in charge of feedig your little one!
-
@autumnlove: I sounds like she still questions your parenting choices A LOT and she was just saying what she thought she needed to say, a weak apology, to smooth things over with your DH. I don't like how she kind of back-handed insults you??
-
@autumnlove: with that kind of answer i would definitely not leave her alone with your LO. boo.
-
@autumnlove: Ugh, her response was terrible. I like how your DH handled her though.
-
@mrbee: I don't think she is aware or cares about listeria. We have told her about how I can't eat sushi during pregnancy and it makes her roll her eyes. She ate sashimi every day during her pregnancies! Pollution issues probably weren't that bad back then?
@jholler25: Yeah, sometimes she can be really mean!
-
@autumnlove: Oh my gosh, you are so good to keep your calm through all this! Her response is terrible. It's none of her business whether you put her in daycare, these kind of decisions are hard enough, without all the granny guilt too!!! I hope she's at least learned her lesson!
-
Wow that is a crazy response. My MIL has a bit of this (thinking LO can eat anything). I just kinda turn into helicopter mom when I am around her. She can hold and play with LO when we visit but I am always within sight so I can monitor what is going on.
Maybe think of some "exciting" foods you could bring and feed your LO around your MIL? I know my MIL was excited to get to feed her black beans for the first time.
-
@autumnlove: awww sweets. that would probably be the same response we'd get from my mil. "apology" with a whole followup of why we should go with her reasoning and that ultimately "her way" is right. UGH. feel your pain!!!!
i'm glad he talked to her! and i hope it won't be a problem in the future. poor LO's tummy.
Mine is the same. Perhaps you can try bringing it up casually instead of being so serious (although it is serious, she might be more willing to actually listen this way). So instead of saying how she can't feed your LO this and that, start it by mentioning how worried you are about your LO's tummy and diaper rash. Tell her how he's been crying, has diarrhea and how the daycare thinks it's because of the lunch meats he was fed. Don't accuse her of giving it to him, just focus on how sick he was because of it. That way she doesn't feel attacked and instead will just realize how bad of an idea it was for her to do it. 
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
58 comments