Hellobee Boards

@yellowbeach: So when you are chastising yourself, what are you doing/thinking/saying?

I've actually been better at this because of the pandemic. When we were in lockdown my husband still had to go into the office (healthcare, but not front line). So my daughter (3) and I were home together. I was able to shift my schedule to work from 2pm-10pm (DD would nap and DH would be 100% on duty while I worked remotely).

So during the morning, I made the conscious effort to be nearly 100% with DD. I tried to treat it like I was her daycare provider. Other than the normal picking up of dishes/toys, I did not think about laundry, cooking, or the workday that was still ahead of me. I was 100% into nature walks, coloring, dress up, etc.
There were certainly days that I couldn't do this very well, and those days I did a lot more sitting on the couch and watching DD or having her watch a movie.

It takes practice to be 'in the moment', so start small. Put your phone away, turn off all tv, media, etc. and ask your child what they want to do together. So for 20 minutes you color, do playdoh, run around in circles in your yard, etc. Give yourself and your child the boundaries (ie 20 minutes) and expectation (I have to stop when the timer goes off to make lunch)

How to get yourself into the moment and let everything drop away? Thats going to be different for everyone, but for me it helped to channel my inner child. It also helped to think that my job at the exact moment wasn't laundry it was play. Your childs job is to learn through play, so in that moment your job is play. It is just as, if not more valuable than sweeping up the breakfast crumbs.

I hope that helps

It's helpful for me to use my breath, or some other physical sensation to ground myself in the moment. If I can remember that all I need to do right now is breathe, or feel my feet on the floor, then it's easier to pay attention to what's going on.

Putting my phone down. Literally pretending that it is only a phone like it used to be not that long ago! I've noticed that my phone is what takes me out of the moment, or the impulse desire to be on it for some reason. I have a charging station set up downtstairs and that's where it lives, so that I don't carry it with me everywhere. And I'm demonstrating control to DS, who is already very clued in to devises at 16mo.

I do it more like @jennlin821: I set time aside when I completely focus on what I'm doing with DS/DD or by myself. I tell myself not to worry about dinner, what happens if she doesn't nap, the laundry, or work.

For me, it's the opposite of multi-tasking and it's HARD to turn it all off, but it's also liberating. I had to do it with DS when he had so much trouble sleeping, I just couldn't think about how the morning would suck and what I had to do at work, i just had to focus on calming him down for as long as it took...

FWIW, my house is a MESS so living in the moment has it's downside!

@yellowbeach: I want in on this. My phone is always in my hands, I'm thinking of how this behavior looks from my kids' perspective. I don't even know where to begin in the attempt to use my phone less, but I want to try!