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Honestly, I'm impartial.

DH and I would love to adopt, and the giant upfront cost like that would really be a setback for our family, so I could see why people would do it.

My mom, on the other hand, is vehemently opposed to it. Full disclosure, my brother and I were adopted. She thinks if they could do it, than anyone could find a way. Also, she just thinks it's tacky. Lol

It's not something I would choose to do. I see it most often in religious communities where someone feels called to adopt and it's almost like a church project to help that couple. Like all part of one mission? I'm not religious so that's just my outsider view. I understand why people do it (IF is expensive!) but again, it's not for me.

I'm okay with it if it's for something specific for the adoption, and not just "give me all the money to adopt!". I had one friend adopt from Russia and they worked their asses off doing side jobs and fundraisers to raise the money. They eventually did ask for help with the plane ticket cost and I didn't have a problem helping out because I knew how much they had done.

DH and I just offered to help out a couple close to us with medical bills, and they accepted, but we made the offer without being asked. We've been asked for $ before and the truth is it feels totally different. Like they were budgeting in our help before making life decisions. I always want to help friends and family, but I think if you can't find a way to afford it on your own and no one offers help, then maybe you really can't afford it. Like a pp mentioned - what about daycare? College? Misc expenses? Where will it end?

Having gone through infertility and how expensive it is (just to make the kid costs more than anything else we own including our cars). And the heartbreak and difficulties, I have absolutely no problem with people having to crowdfund if or adoption. It is the unexpected front costs that are the issue. Typically the plan and money are there to do the day to day care.

Could you seriously come up with 20k with no debt in less than a year? I don't know of many people that could. Then do that for a few years in a row with no actual result or even any true guarantees? What trade offs do you make and sometimes you don't even know. For example you save your 20% for a house which is lost peoples common expensive. Then find out after buying the house you can't have a baby. Now you start over saving but if you knew before you may have made other choices. But you don't know when making these choices. There is little to no help for these unexpected costs. Insurance doesn't cover it (in most of the states) and there isn't much other help.

So yeah if people are willing to help with if and adoption I don't see it any different than another large medical expense like cancer treatments. Full disclosure we have if, my sister has if and chose to adopt, and my other sister has two kids with leukemia.

I have no problem with it. If people want to help out, this will give them the means to do so. If they don't want to donate, they won't. Adoption is insanely expensive -- just because you can't afford it doesn't mean you can't afford a child, or that you just don't get to have a family. I also think it's ok to ask for help sometimes, people aren't forced to contribute. Although, that does not mean I haven't seen plenty of crowd funding requests that majorly make me roll my eyes. This just isn't one of those for me

@Tanjowen: I agree, I like to see that you are putting forth the effort. But I can totally understand why families (especially after IVF) need help with funds for adoption.

I agree with a lot of the previous posters- I am against "crowdfunding" for almost anything. The only exceptions I can think of are when someone else sets up crowdfunding for someone who has gone through a personal tragedy, like a house fire.

I don't have a problem with it but it's not something that I'd do. I wouldn't hesitate to set up a crowd-funding account for someone else, but it would just feel weird to set one up for myself.

I wouldn't ask for funding, and I wouldn't donate, but I have no issues if someone does want to ask for help and am ok if others choose to help. I also think that adoption and IVF are different than the standard "personal choices" though. While having a child is a personal choice, infertility and having the NEED to go through IVF and treatment is NOT a choice. It's not a personal choice like a expensive vacation or plastic surgery is.

I'm not a fan of crowdfunding. Even after going through infertility I can't imagine asking people for money to help me have a baby.

I am not a fan.

It feels like everyone is doing it these days (not just adoption) and I agree with @blackbird: it is tacky in many situations.

@Woolly Mammoth: this opportunity is coming up more and more often through international adoption. I know two families off hand that had to make the difficult decision on a whim.

Recently someone I know on facebook was crowdfunding for a new entertainment center for his family. I was aghast. Adoption obviously doesn't fall into that kind of bucket, but since it is a choice, I'm not in favor of crowdfunding for it. I don't like that it costs so much that only wealthy people (basically) can afford it, but I really don't agree with crowdfunding for most things.

I don't donate to crowd funding because I prefer to give money to organizations I am familiar with. Honestly I think it's a bubble that will pop soon!

But I don't care if people do it. Yes, you should be able to support a child you want to raise. But I don't have 40k laying around and don't know many young couples who do. And I know people who criticize those who just want a Caucasian baby even though they are "more expensive." But then you also hear people critique those adopting someone outside their race (for not being able to provide them with a connection to their culture) or not being prepared to deal with unique needs of some in foster care. So I don't know. It's not a situation with a clear right answee, if you ask me.

@blackbird: ack. Someone on FB posts every 6 months asking for her tuition to be paid. And they do it every time!!!

I think there's a big difference between having 40k lying around and having the financial stability to provide for a child in daily life. So, I don't think you can make the argument "if they can't pay for the adoption, how can they afford a child."

That being said, I'm not for sure how I feel about this. But DH has an acquaintance who lost their son due to a genetic condition and are now crowdfunding to adopt. He is a pastor, and I imagine it arose from his congregation wanting to help. We donated because we felt for this family that lost their child and having another biologically wasn't a possibility for them. I guess my take is that if you don't feel comfortable donating, then don't?

@kiddosc: @PurplePumps: I don't think you need to have $40k in the bank to have a child but if there's a goal to achieve, save for it. Or take out loans, if you have to. My cousin paid for IVF by taking out a second mortgage on her home.

@HLK208: Of course the cynical/practical part of me says the same thing. Just save for it then. Take out a loan, do whatever you need. Tons of people do that and not ask anyone for help, like your cousin. But the (somewhat) compassionate side of me (only somewhat, since I still would not donate), understands that it is still not realistic for some people to just save 40k, or to be able to take out a loan for that amount. But the point was that not having money for the adoption doesn't mean not being able to afford raising a kid.