Hellobee Boards

@jh524: I think there is a line between "I disagree with your opinion" and "You are bitter and hateful want company on your train to miserable" (even if that's not directed at one person, but rather a group of people). I understand it's frustrating to be on the other side but compassion toward people who are going through something you haven't can go a long way. Just my .2.

@jh524: I'm sorry that you have to deal with someone personally who will be devastated by your pregnancy...but if you know how hard it will be for this person to deal with it, I'm kind of confused at how resentful you sound of this person. Trust me, if this person reacts negatively to your pregnancy, they WILL feel like a horrible, terrible friend. They don't need your judgement on top of it.

I had more than a few friends suffering with infertility that I had to tell about my pregnancy, and you know what? I was perfectly OK with however they chose to process it. Their feelings are not mine to judge.

No one who ever announced a pregnancy during my nearly 2 years of TTCing heard me say a negative word or reaction about them or their pregnancies. Just because I was angry or jealous or sad doesn't mean i took it out on anyone, or even talked about the feelings to anyone but a fellow infertile person or DH. A lot of times I got their announcement in the mail, and cried, or got off the phone with them and burst into tears. It took a LONG TIME before I realized that having these feelings was a natural part of the process - and trust me, they make you feel like a horrible person. I thought it was the absolute worst "side effect" of infertility.

I cried alone. Not proud of it, and I didn't even take us that long to get pregnant, but I did. I sat in our basement, and I cried and cried every time a close friend/family member.

I never said anything but great happy things to them, but I had my moment alone, and that's how I dealt.

@marionberry, do not feel badly. This is something that so many women have dealt with (something like 10% of women have infertility and 90% will have a m/c in their life, so, yes, i firmly believe that most every woman will have these feelings at some point. Sadness is normal. Taking it and lashing out towards others is not, which we all realize)

There's always a way to tactfully phrase an opposite opinion. And some people do not know how to do that in a respectful manner.

@jh524: I would never, ever in a million years wish what I went through on anyone else. Until you go through a loss, you really don't have any idea of how gut wrenching it is. I would never wish that on anyone, let alone my friends or coworkers who are pregnant and who will be pregnant in the near future.

It's just hard dealing with announcement after announcement of people who were on BC, yet still conceived and others who didn't even want to be pregnant and they get pregnant in the blink of an eye.

I don't know how else to say unless you've gone through months of trying or a loss, it's hard to fully comprehend what people on this thread are saying.

This is why I love HB. No one in my life knew or knows how I feel after our loss and now ttc. I'm reading everyone's posts and tearing up because without this community I would feel so alone.
@mrscheckers: you've expressed exactly how I've been feeling in the 5 months since our loss.
@jennimac: the people on bc, the unwanted or expected pregnancies are the hardest to swallow. Seems so unfair.
@marionberry: I agree with @cherryberry I was one of those ignorant women that got pregnant month one of trying and off bc. I never would have understood the pain others face with trying to start a family. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow in that way. It's important to see the silver lining.

@marionberry: Sounds like you handled it well with your friend! I'm sorry you are sad!

Ooh I struggle with this so often. I git pregnant after 3 months, and ac miscarried. Actually had d&c today I know we werebt trying long but it is still really hard to see all of the girls I graduated with getting pregnant..with unwanted pregnancies and ex biyfeiends to boot. It makes me jealous when they announce genders and invite me ti baby showers

@marionberry: I just checked in to your blog, I'm sorry. I'm sure you're happy for her but super disappointed for yourself. I'm here if you need to talk. I know nothing is fair in ttc.

@marionberry: you're feelings are very familiar to me. My best friend was pretty unsupportive of my loss, and married this summer. She dove right into trying and I'm so worried she will get pregnant before me. I know it's nothing I can control but it will honestly break my heart. I don't wish that she struggles I just wish she'd wait to try and enjoy married life. Or be sensitive to the situation I'm in. I'm afraid to post too much. I'll write my email on your wall if you want to talk bust know you're not alone and I so get how you're feeling.

@grace: I think hearing it first really helps. A women at work found out she was pregnant and my bf found out first. She called me at home and let me cry so I could be happy for her the next day. Keep in mind, my bf struggled with getting pregnant and has been in our shoes so she knew exactly what I needed!