How do you make big decisions when there's no obvious answer? Do you have a methodology for figuring it out or…? If it helps, we are talking about big life stuff like career path, where to live, that sort of thing.
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Going over it in exhaustive detail, and then going with intuition, and reassuring ourselves that most things in life can be reversed. Houses can be sold, jobs can be quit, schools can be changed, money can be made in different ways, etc.
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Most decisions for us are based on money because we are very decisive people in terms of what we WANT. So it typically just comes down to whether it will work financially.
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Hmmm... by not thinking about it too hard?? I feel like most of the big decisions we've made haven't been that hard.
Major - Me: This was probably the biggest decision that shaped my whole future. I wanted to major in English, but my parents discouraged me because they didn't think I had enough drive and worried about my financial future. They encouraged me to consider Computer Science since I was good at it and the pay was decent. I did a lot of math to figure out how much money I thought I'd need for rent, groceries, etc, and decided the Computer Science major was the smarter move than doing English.
College - Me: Gut decision. I toured it in high school, loved the campus, knew they had a decent engineering school, so applied and got accepted.
Job - Me: I took the one with the better salary and benefits
Job - DH: He took the first job he got offered since it was taking a while to find oneHouse: We house hunted until we found something we both liked. DH liked another house equally, but I felt really strongly about this one, so he went with what I wanted. My strong feelings were just going with my gut.
Marriage: We didn't feel like it would change anything in our relationship and I felt strongly about getting married (again, my gut), so we did it.
Kids: We both wanted kids, so it was really just timing. We just picked a random age based on how old we were and traveling we wanted to do. Then we stuck to it.
Besides deciding my major, most of my decisions have been based on my gut feeling or just what I knew I wanted for our future.
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Gut feelings and spreadsheets.
I am a firm believer in following your gut - it usually is right. Of course there are decisions that require a "can we afford this" or "can we complete this" angle - for those I like to use my life like - the excel spreadsheet. Map it out - if it works/fits we follow our gut.
Our biggest and most challenging decision was our last home we purchases - it required a full gut job. DH was dead set that we could not afford it and it was a terrible idea. I knew in my gut it was the right house for us. I mapped it out using excel - multiple scenarios - showing the finances and timeline worked. I presented it to DH and he still was not onboard but ultimately could tell I was comfortable we could do it and knew my gut was confident we should.
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I've been winging it my whole life!
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I think it helps me to try to gather as much information as you can about the options and then try to picture myself in each different scenario, and evaluate my feelings in each situation.
Sometimes getting more information and trying to picture your life can be really helpful--we recently finished the home buying process and DH found a house he really liked online. I drove over to check it out and realized that driving from LO's daycare to this house every day would involve 3 annoying left turns that I think would have made me crazy if we actually moved there. That kind of thing, if you can get information about it, can really help.
I also think choosing things that will make a long term difference are important factors--again with the house, but we ended up with a house that is very close to our community pool and a public bike/walking path which we will use over and over again.
Good luck!
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@raspberries: That is a great point that things can be reversed. I need to keep that in mind. I feel like my intuition is broken
I just don't know…@hotchildinthecity: Yes money is definitely important!
@Adira: See this is mostly how my life was as well, up until now. We are just at a big crossroads and it's hard to imagine what our choices now will lead to down the line.
@Mrs D: My gut is totally confused!
@Dandelion: Haha! This is my DH. But suddenly it's become hard when there are two kids we have to take into consideration…
@MamaCate: This is a good idea. I'm going to try the picturing myself exercise and see if I have more clarity.
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Research
Lists (pros/cons, steps, wants/needs)
spreadsheets
photos/pintrest (in the case of design decisions like when we put the addition on our house)
Talking it out with people i trust/experts in that arena
Looking it from every perspective
Analyze all the info, deciding what are the most important aspects, what are the deal breakers
Sleeping on it and if i still cant come to a conclusion i will sometimes hold out a day, a week whatever either to see if new info arises, sometimes another action makes the decision for me, or if i just start becoming more comfortable with one way over the other....I try to give myself as much time as possible to sort out my feelings on a big decision.
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@Baby Boy Mom: Yeah, I'm guessing I just haven't had to deal with a big choice like what you're experiencing right now. I'm sorry!
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@Dandelion: ha! Yup.
I have good intuition so I tend to be fairly impulsive. Our life has been a good example of luck- preparation meets opportunity.
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Honestly, right now, decisions are made as to where we can maximize our earnings and offer our son a solid foundation as he begins his schooling.
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I stress about it and pray about it. I try to make a pros and cons list. I seek advice from friends. And lastly I go with gut feelings too.
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We each make separate pro/con lists, and then assign each item a weight based on how important a factor it is to you, and then compare. And then sometimes, even after, we just go with our guts.
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We value family time over income and have greatly taken that into account when we were figuring out where to live. Work, commute, nearby schools and the neighborhood was also a huge factor.
I don't really have a methodology - I just try to imagine where and how I'd like my LO to grow up and go from there.
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I'm a list maker but honestly I follow my intuition or a feeling for the big stuff. I have just "known" when it came to certain things (as long as money isn't a factor.)
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@Chillybear: This is exactly where we are now- sleeping on it and hoping new information arises.
@Adira: There's nothing to be sorry about.
We are lucky that we have choices and are confident that we'll make it work one way or the other- just the details are a little murky.
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Listing pros and cons and talking about it. A lot.
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Pro and con list. "Living" with the decision for a few days at a time (like, tell ourselves okay this is it this is what we're doing... and try to think through how that is going to be... and see how we feel). If all else fails flip a coin. When the coin is falling you'll either be secretly hoping for one decision or the other (in which case, screw the coin, go with your heart). Or you truly don't care in which case there is no wrong decision and leaving it up to fate/the universe/god is the best you can do.
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I try to remember that even if I get into an not-so-ideal choice- nothing is permanent. Everything will pass. Sometimes you have to pursue one path to have it fulfill its place in your life- even if that means it isn't right for you. You will have had the experience to know. I also try to make decision I can really put my "agency" behind- one thing maybe isn't better, but what can you get behind, what do you believe in, who do you want to be? (etc.)
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Lots of prayer, gut feelings, and pro-con lists. And talking to people in our lives who have made really great decisions.
I just don't know…
We are lucky that we have choices and are confident that we'll make it work one way or the other- just the details are a little murky.
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