From a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how do you rate yourself as a parent?
Tell me about the age of your child and why did you rate yourself at that score, and what you think you did well and what you wish you'd done better !
94 votes
nectarine / 2964 posts
For me I rate myself 6.
I have a toddler who just turned 3. I think I am mostly a loving mother and we spend a lot of time together after school. I have fun with him (and hopefully vice versa!) most of the time when I am able to forget about work. However, at the moment I am trying to kick off my career shift, and my mind isn't really at parenting a lot of times. To be very honest, my mind is focused with work as of the moment and sometimes I see the time I need to spend with LO as a chore. He is also not a great eater and he's skinny and short. I wish I were able to explore more recipes and research on solutions as I did before when he was before 2! I just wish that all the ducks get in a row soon in my life and I can have equal energy to focus on LO as well as my work. Does that ever happen? 
There are also many things a textbook perfect parent would do that I didn't do (but I really wanted to), like sitting down with him and teaching him how to read and write chinese characters. Or just in general doing something educational together besides just going to zoo and museum and puzzles and lego...etc.
And very often I lose my temper with him. It's been worse since the terrible 3/threeager hits I just find myself yelling a lot and I am not proud of myself
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
6-7. I feel like a 6 but in reality I think I'm more like a 8. So I voted 7.
My toddler is almost 3 and not listening well like most toddlers. So she's going in timeouts a lot. And wesring my patience very thin. I'm wondering if she's terrible twos or it's just going to get worse into threenagers.
DD2 is almost 6m and waking up every 45-60m last couple nights.
So not feeling that super mom!
clementine / 830 posts
Depends on the day but overall I feel like I'm doing an ok job. My LO1 (27 months) is happy and polite, eats and sleeps well for the most part. He does have tantrums but I can usually dissolve them within a short time frame. LO2 is 11 months and smiles a lot. She also eats and sleeps well. She doesn't drink a lot of milk but does eat a lot of solids so she's a good size. Those are the good parts, I can't really take credit for the eating and sleeping because I think that's just the temperament of the child, aside from providing them healthy food and sleep training at 6 months.
The bad parts are sometimes I check out when I'm with them. I SAH so I spend my whole day with them, there are times I'm on my phone when I could be playing with them. There are times I count down to nap/bed time. When I wish I never quit my job. I realize I take that out on them sometimes by raising my voice and having little patience. Once I caught my son copying my big sigh after he dropped something or another and it made me feel terrible! I've screamed "stop screaming!"
Having said all that, I also want to state that we are all doing the best we can. The fact that we care means we're doing a good job. No matter which items on the checklist we checked or did not check, our kids will know we love them.
apricot / 456 posts
I'm not sure I can vote. I feel like a parent can't objectively judge themselves, because if they knew what they were doing wrong and to what degree, they'd probably make strides to change. The problem is that the vast majority of people are blind to their own failings.
I'm also not sure what 1 and 10 would truly represent. Should a 1 be the worst parents I know, or the worst parents I can imagine?
The people I know who have volunteered that they are excellent parents are, in my opinion, not very good parents. They have the best of intentions, but their over confidence in themselves (I'm sure they'd rate themselves a 9 or 10) makes it impossible for them to see the myriad of ways they are not meeting their children's needs. Then there are other parents I know who freely confess that they aren't doing their best and are working on improving this and that (I'm guessing they'd rate themselves a 5 or 6), and they are some of the best parents I know. It reminds me of that study that came out a while back that found that the more confident a person is about something, the less competent they are. I don't know if that's an absolute rule of thumb that can be applied here or not, but it's interesting to think about.
I think the question may be too subjective, as everyone has a motive to rate themselves higher than they actually are. I wonder if we'd have a clearer idea of where people stood if it was broken up into more specific questions.
How do you rate your parenting when it comes to your child's sleep?
How do you rate your parenting in terms of your child's discipline / behavior?
How often do you read to your children?
It'd be hard to make a whole list of comprehensive questions. But I tend judge my own parenting, and the parenting of others, on more specific things like that.
pineapple / 12526 posts
Eh, probably 7, maaaaaybe 8 on a good day? I have less patience than I'd like, I yell more than I'd like, and I probably have a fouler mouth than I should. No, I don't throw pinterest worthy parties, do big grand crafts and activities, or devote my 100% attention to her at all times. Yes, she watches TV. Yes, Im on my phone or tablet around her sometimes. Yes, I am hard on her and expect her to listen to and obey me. No, I am not a SAHM. I am a full-time student and I am an actor and Im regularly gone A LOT.... and I like it and enjoy the time away. I helps me not take the time I have at home for granted and gives me more patience.
However, C is a great kid. She's happy, affectionate, friendly, and polite, and she's advanced in her milestones. She's extremely smart, has varied interests, and loves to interact with people. I make an effort to be a fairly "free range" parent, and as a result she is a secure, independent, curious young lady. Really, that's the only thing that really matters to me in the grand scheme. I just try not to eff her up too badly.
nectarine / 2521 posts
I rated myself a 10. You know why? Because I work in the court system and I've seen 1's. And anytime I start wondering if I'm doing okay, I remember how far a little bit of love and involvement goes and all the crap I've seen.
Anybody on this board wondering if they are an okay parent? Yeah, you are doing great I think.
nectarine / 2964 posts
@regberadaisy: Tell me about it, what's up with the 3s?
@MamaChin: Thank you for saying the last paragraph. Yes we care and we are trying the best we can. And that makes us good (enough) parents. We care and that's why we are even on Hellobee 
We need a pat in our back sometimes.
@Skadi: Thanks I totally hear ya. Of course there is no scale to parenting! I am not trying to do an objective unbiased research at all, I am just curious to know where everyone is at the moment and how we are feeling about ourselves as a parent. I really feel like a 6, and I feel I could do so much better if I am either more efficient or have more hours in the day. So just curious to hear what every mom is feeling.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@irene: What's up with the 3s? They effing suck. lol. Oh god. "Terrible twos" shouldnt even be a thing. 3s are sooo much worse already and my DD wont be 3 until April 3rd!
apricot / 456 posts
@irene: Oh sorry, I realize now that it may sound like I was trying to pick your post apart. 
Do you think people who know you in real life would rate you a 6, if they voted in an anonymous ballot so they could give their honest opinions? I was just wondering how I would rate the parents I know, and how they might rate me.
nectarine / 2964 posts
@loveisstrange: That's right, terrible twos was NOTHING! I just hope this terrible three thing is the end of it (and yes it started a few weeks/months before the three year old birthday). I was literally just chatting with my friend today about this. We need a support group for mothers of three year olds.
@Skadi: No worries at all I totally get your point. To answer your question though, I don't think it matters at all what others rate me as a mother because it is none of their business. We all have different ideology of how to raise a child so A may rate me 1 and B may rate me 9. They do not know enough to rate anyway. What matters is what our own LO rates us, and we won't find out until they are older. Even that, it doesn't matter because it highly depends on the child's personality.
pomegranate / 3643 posts
Ugh I feel like a 3 today.
LO2 is almost 8 months old. We are just a disorganized mess. Our "schedule" revolves around his older brother and it's so hard to figure out his needs and routine. He is not a very good nurser unless we at in a specific spot and with his pacifier to switch out so he will latch. We just now got him a crib and moved my desk out of his room. He still gets swaddled at night. I can't get him to take a longer than 20-30 nap by himself. And he gets plenty spoiled on the weekends with DH or ILs holding him for naps and further throwing him off schedule. He is up multiple times a night.
All this stuff was fine when he was a newborn but suddenly we are well past neeborn stage and I don't know what went wrong. I'm hoping we can get a schedule soon doe him, but I'm worried we will never be able to leave the house again if we do.
eggplant / 11824 posts
@Tanjowen: totally agree. If you even care whether you are a crap parent or not - you're a good parent. Real crap parents don't care, don't listen and don't worry.
I rated myself a 9. I'm not perfect, but my daughter is being raised by parents who love her and love themselves and each other. She's growing up in a stable, calm and happy home. LO is told on a daily basis she's smart and caring and wonderful, and she never has worry that someone will snap and hit her (or worse), or that either of her parents will be violent with each other. I'm doing ok.
bananas / 9227 posts
7. DD is 2.5 and I'm a full-time student. She's constantly demanding our attention and it's really difficult when I have a project or paper due. Lately, I find myself getting irritated a lot easier. She got a lot of chocolates in exchange for a few minutes of quiet time this weekend ... I feel bad about it.
pomelo / 5469 posts
I voted a 7. LO is happy 99% of the time, is well rested, I try and give her a varied diet (though I think there's room for improvement). I SAH with her and take her to toddler groups/activities 4 mornings a week so she gets chance to socialise and try new things. I could probably do better at playing with her more at home, but if I did then the other household chores would get neglected so I don't think I'm ever going to be a 10 parent for that reason!
grapefruit / 4235 posts
Today I'm a 10 and deserve it bc I'm in the hospital, just gave birth to #2, and she's cluster feeding like a champ. And I miss my son but he had a fever on Friday so we aren't bringing him to the hospital to germify everyone.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Well, the only thing I know for sure is that I am not on the extremes of the scale. I'd put myself in the middle, 6, maybe? Reason being that I am short on patience and my son knows how to push my buttons. I shouldn't react, but I do at times.
pineapple / 12566 posts
I gave myself an 8. I know I'm not terrible, but I think I could improve with things like patience.
@dagret: congrats!
persimmon / 1367 posts
I give myself a 9, because just like @Tanjowen: I see what truly bad parenting is on a regular basis (I work in juvenile corrections). Everyone on here is doing great, I promise!
I gave myself a 9 because I let my 4 month old watch tv. I love having the tv on and so she sees it sometimes. Oh well!
cantaloupe / 6692 posts
Lately I feel like I've hit a stride. It helps that T is at a good age. I gave myself an 8
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I gave myself a 7. I have a 2 1/2 year old who is very high maintenance right now and I'm 9 months pregnant. I have very little patience due to lack of sleep/feeling uncomfortable so I wish I wasn't so short with her when she gets to whining/throwing tantrums. However I'm really focusing on her for these last few weeks and coming weeks as I know her world is about to get rocked so I want to do as many fun things as possible before sister comes. I'm doing my best to balance but could be better!
pomegranate / 3565 posts
@Tanjowen: thanks for that! I'm very hard on myself about parenting. I need to remember what you wrote!
pineapple / 12793 posts
@dagret: congrats on #2!
I gave myself a 10. Both of my kids are healthy, happy, eating and sleeping well and I've showered and cooked balanced meals everyday last week. I'm very proud of how we've transitioned into a family of four. There are still bumps, but it feels really good right now.
apricot / 320 posts
7. I have so much more patience than I thought I would, and I'm energized by seeing the world through my son's eyes. I love playing with him and teaching him. I do wish I was less anxious and more resilient....I'll dwell on a cranky week, a bad night of sleep, illness, work stress, etc. and get stuck in negative thought patterns. I think I would be a better parent if I could focus more on the positive!
nectarine / 2028 posts
I gave myself an 8....I'm EBF my 3-month-old, we are getting into a decent schedule for nights and naps, etc. I could improve on tummy time and books/toys I guess, so I left room for improvement, but think I'm doing pretty well!
persimmon / 1396 posts
Due to 1st trimester fatigue, I'm about a 5. Too much screen time and sandwiches for dinner 
Oh well, it will get better soon.
pomegranate / 3759 posts
I have no problem rating/judging myself as a parent. I give myself a 10 because my kids are happy, healthy and learning good and bad things everyday.
pomelo / 5524 posts
@dagret: Congratulations!!
I voted a 5 for me. I'm in my first trimester, and I'm exhausted and sick quite a bit. When I get home from work and DH has LO, there are times when he needs to keep hanging out with him because all I have energy to do is sit on the couch. I feel like a terrible mom and wife, but it's all I can do to keep myself from throwing up everywhere!
When I'm feeling ok, I try to pitch in as much as I can...but DH deserves a 10 on this scale right now!
pomelo / 5093 posts
I gave myself a 7, so pretty good. Usually I feel like I'm kicking ass parenting wise, but pregnancy has made things harder. I've been really out of control emotional, which has been a little hard on my family. I also just don't have the energy to do as much as I used to, which is so disappointing.
apricot / 411 posts
@jedeve: Your LO sounds completely normal! You are doing great. Remember that some things are due to nature, not nurture!
grapefruit / 4819 posts
@yoursilverlining: Yes to everything you said!
Our girls have two loving parents who do everything in their power to nurture their development, provide stability and security, and most of all, show them unconditional love and acceptance. Are we perfect? Of course not, but at the end of the day, our girls are happy and developing into two amazing little girls, and I'm feeling pretty good about the job we're doing. I rated myself an 8 though as there is always room for improvement....
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
It's hard to say. Probably a 7. I could be a lot more patient with my 2.9 year old. But him plus 10w old plus living in below freezing temps with weekly blizzards has been a challenge.
cherry / 237 posts
Little Dude is about to turn 3, I'm 8wks pregnant, and I still gave myself an 8 -- he and I are totally rocking the relationship, he's being a champ about the changes happening to me with the pregnancy so far, and even though I'm tired and emotional, I'm still able to be patient with him (which is usually my most difficult task). Things are GREAT right now! (It undoubtedly helps that he's at school 3 full days a week, has swim lessons one morning each week, and that my husband is one of the most inventive and involved father's I've ever known.)
persimmon / 1495 posts
I gave myself a 7, but my biggest issue right now is that I have been working more often and leaving pretty early in the morning, so I haven't been spending much time with LO. I should go to sleep earlier so that I can get up and get ready before LO gets up. That way, I could actually hang out with him before I leave, but I *really* hate waking up early. I always feel guilty knowing that if I'd gotten up even 30 minutes earlier, I could have spent that time with him.
persimmon / 1420 posts
I have been keeping my cool, working 50 hours weeks, kept my house cleaning, and I have happy, healthy, smart twins toddlers. I'm a frickin' 12.
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