I don't yell (but I want to!) but I feel so angry during tantrums...inner rage.
Do you have any wise parenting tips for staying calm during toddler tantrums?
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I just remind myself it's because she can't express herself. It's weird but the more hysterical she gets, the calmer and zoned out i get.
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I have a really bad temper and lose my cool very quickly, esp after having LO. After screaming at her once, I quickly realized that it did no good- and I felt immense guilt after. Some things that really help me are just taking deep breaths and counting- and if LO is throwing a tantrum sometimes she takes deep breaths and counts with me. Walking away from the tantrum also works, and then coming back when you are more calm. I find the calmer I am, the more LO calms down easier and quicker. I just let her fits blow right over my head now- they barely phase me anymore. But it's something I've had to really work on, as I never want to be one of those moms who is always yelling or screaming at her kids.
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I often walk away and just leave the room, after saying something like, "I'm going in the living room, when you're ready to do xyz, you can come find me". I can't stay there and listen to him scream and whine or else I will lose it!
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I sigh and walk away. I've started adding a comment like, "when you come down, come find me". My therapist recommended it
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I usually laugh. Probably not the best mum in the world admitting that (and I try not to let her see) but sometimes the sight of her ridiculously throwing herself around and screeching just tickles my funny bone. It's rare that tantrums make me mad.
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@travelgirl1: This is me today. J is trying REALLY REALLY hard to put all his mighty rage into tantrums, but he's only 17 months and it's just tickling my funny bone for some reason.
It depends what kind of mood I'm in. I have yet to deal with full-throttle, throwing-body-on-floor-and-kicking tantrums, but the screams and tears have started and I mostly ignore it. When I'm tired or stressed, though, it's harder. I'm hoping that I either learn to be Zen about it, or that I can continue to find it funny, but they have been much easier to deal with today. In fact, when he saw me laughing, he looked mad for a second, then confused for a minute, and then he smiled! Sense of humor FTW!
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I often do the same as @hilsy85. If I can keep my wits about me as it's starting I aim for discreet distraction- I will build a block tower and knock it down a few times to see if they will take the bait, or if they are likely hungry I get food ready and offer it as they mellow. But mostly I walk away and try to view it as a mini break- great time to get a drink and a snack!
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@Freckles: I'm the same way! The louder he gets, the quieter I get!
I also do what Hilsy mentioned. Tell him what I'm going to do (something else) and wait for him to cool down.
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Just looking at how over the top she gets actually calms me down. It's very clear to me that she's not actively trying to be bad, and she's just screaming and yelling b/c she can't find another way to express herself. I try to find calming ways to redirect DD's frustration, but usually I know that I just have to wait it out for a few minutes until she pulls herself back together.
It's funny b/c I'm quick to lose my temper in other contexts, but I can stay cool as a cucumber while DD throws a crazy fit. DH on the other hand, loses his sh*t when DD throws a temper tantrum and has to leave the room.
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@travelgirl1: lol yes to the laughing! M was throwing the worst screaming fit in the tub last night as I was washing her and I was cracking up bc she was being so ridiculous. She got even more mad when she saw me laughing tho hahah
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I immediately walk away, it's not as fun for her if no one is witnessing her show. If she follows me and starts again, I move again.
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11 comments