I have a family member who was told she can't get pregnant and I told DH I'd love to be a surrogate for her and he freaked. Even though it'd be their baby, he said he'd still think of it as ours because it's growing inside me.
So I guess that options off the table. I just feel so bad that I got pregnant soooo easily and she would make such an amazing mother - she deserves a baby! I wish I could help..
would you be a surrogate? Or would you hire a surrogate?
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
I would do it for a sister, but DH and I talked about it (hypothetically, no known fertility issues with my sisters) and he would not want me to. He was worried that there is still a risk and he couldn't handle it if something happened to me, especially when we already had kids. I guess I'd bring it up again if it really came down to it, but I'd probably be getting old to even offer when the time came- which hopefully it never will.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I could never be a surrogate. I had morning sickness until 20 weeks, pre term labor at 26 weeks, and all sorts of other issues along the way. I'm very lucky to have a happy healthy baby but my body doesn't seem to be the best baby cooker available : )
If for some reason something happened and I wasn't able to carry another pregnancy, but I still had viable eggs I would absolutely consider using a surrogate. I have a feeling the cost would be prohibitive (unless a family member was stepping up to do it) but from a comfort stand point I would be OK with it.
ETA: I think my husband would definitely never want me to be a surrogate because of the risks associated with a pregnancy and labor and delivery. I think he would entertain the idea of using a surrogate for the sake of having another biological child, but probably would never be 100% comfortable with it.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@MamaMoose: I had ms up to 18-20 weeks as well (I think we discussed this before!), had sciatica, splayed ribs and pre-e but for this particular family member I would do it all in a heartbeat for her to experience the joy and love of being a mother.
clementine / 854 posts
DH and I talked about it long before we thought about kids and both said we wouldn't try IVF, surrogacy or adoption if it came to that. We have seen how stressful they all are for couples going through them. Now that I'm struggling to get pregnant, I wonder if either of us will change our minds.
I don't think I could be a surrogate for someone else. It would be so hard to let that little one go after 9 months of carrying them.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I have a friend of mine who did this just yesterday (I guess its IVF)? Anyways, she went through an agency and found a family. I support her doing it but I don't think I would unless it was close family.
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
COnsidering I can't even get pregnant for myself I don't think I would do it.
Side story: My last ex has a lesbian sister and her and her wife needed some sperm so my ex donated... umm too close!
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
That's so sweet of you to want to do that! I would do it for a sister or very close friend. I have PCOS so had infertility issues before having our sweet little girl and I know how it feels. Not sure how hubs would feel about it though - I was a puking, starving, heart burned monster while preg, lol.
grapefruit / 4663 posts
My husband and I talked about this while sitting at a winery one day and decided if it came down to it and we couldn't have kids, surrogacy would be an option we were both okay with. We definitely assumed it be one of my sisters who would do it for us but I do not think the thought would change now.
As to wheather I'd be a surrogate it depends on the person and how my body handle pregnancy if I ever get pregnant.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I would only do it, for, say, a sister of mine. I don't have sisters, though. And if DH tried to say no, I'd still do what I want. My body, my decision.
I've also handled pregnancy really well.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I don't think it's for me. I think people who are surrogates are amazing women, though.
grapefruit / 4663 posts
@Mrs. Pen: @anonysquire: I understand the brother thing because then both women are represented. My husband and I always said if we couldn't get pregnant we'd want an immediate family member to donate for us if they would. =)
pomegranate / 3983 posts
I don't think I would do it. Pregnancy seems to be really hard on my body, and on my mind, for that matter. I've never thought to ask DH what he thinks though.
eggplant / 11824 posts
I would never be a surrogate because I didn’t enjoy being pregnant haha, so no; unless you are paying me $50k or more, I won’t be going through 6 months of throwing up on a daily basis, constant hip/pelvic pain, etc. for anybody.
My husband wouldn’t love the idea because he was really worried about my health/safety throughout pregnancy and delivery.
coconut / 8305 posts
DH is definitely a no-go on the idea and despite having a pretty easy pregnancy and literally loving to BIRTH babies, I think I'm a no-go too. Pregnancy was pretty rough on our marriage in ways I didn't expect so I leave those issues for our kids and our kids only.
I did get a crazy off the wall request for this from an ex though! It was only hypothetical if for some reason him and his wife couldn't conceive but still.... I think it being "him" just really shut the door to the idea for DH. lol
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Hubs would probably veto me being a surrogate simply because I've had no sex drive while pregnant, haha. But we haven't ever really talked about it, so I'm not sure how he's really feel. There's also no one that I could think of that I would want to be a surrogate for. Hubs sister has two kids, and I don't have any sisters. Maybe if my brother gets married and his wife couldn't get pregnant though, I would consider it.
coconut / 8498 posts
I wouldn't be a surrogate and I wouldn't hire one. If we had problems getting pregnant we would go straight to adoption, and would encourage others to as well.
papaya / 10570 posts
This is such an interesting question!! I just asked my DH now and he said he'd have no problem with me doing it as long as I could handle it... and he would be concerned that having to give the baby up would be really difficult for me, emotionally. Thinking about it, he's right. I'd do it for my best friend in a heartbeat but anyone else, well, the risk (to my mental health) would be too great.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I wouldn't be a surrogate and I probably wouldn't hire one. I would probably try to adopt.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
If my sister needed that I'd do it in a heartbeat. I love her and would do anything for her. The hardest part for me would be post partum hormones without being able to care for that baby that created them :S
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
I wouldn't use a surrogate. When I had fertility issues I adopted. I don't think a baby has to be biological to be loved. There was some loss and mourning that I had to do for the fact that I wouldn't have a biological child but I go over it quickly especially when I brought m handsome little boy home.
I would not volunteer to be a surrogate at this point. Maybe when I Was younger. But now I have four young kids and I have had two c sections. I would not put my body through another pregnancy and c section. I think the mental and emotional connections would be very difficult. I think it would be very difficult to explain to my kids also. The only exception would be for my sister and she already has three kids so I don't think she needs my uterus.
But I do think its awesom that you are willing.
pear / 1965 posts
I would do it for someone I was really close to. I would not hire one for myself though as I would seek out adoption instead. I think DH would take a lot of convincing for me to be a surrogate. We kinda talked about it once....but I think he is "weirded out" by the idea of someone else's baby being carried by his wife.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
I haven't asked him because I wouldn't ever do it - I would have considered it for my sister but she has 3 kids or for my future SIL - but I had a complicated first pregnancy and so it wouldn't be a good idea.
squash / 13199 posts
DH doesnt really mind but I could never do this. I also got pregnant easily without even trying, but I know for sure I dont have the strength to "give away" a baby that grew inside me for 9 months
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