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Eek. I have A lot to say but my kids are tearing my house apart. I seriously could write your novel about my struggles but I will be back in a few and try to keep it to a concise paragraph.

I haven't struggled with infertility but have definitely had some other issues that had taken a toll on my faith, the verse that I hold on to is Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know it is hard to see at the moment but there is always a reason for what God is doing and his timing is perfect

I think it's so easy to lose faith during IF. I know I've asked myself a million times "why"? What lessons am I learning from not getting the baby I so desperately want. I have had a couple of moments where I thought "what kind of God would do this"? I've only managed to keep a lof my faith because of my family, they remind me that you can't always know what He has planned.

I have always been a bit of a questioner. I just am by nature. I am also an evolutionary biologist which I was able to blend together decently. But when faces with IF I felt like I lost into faith completely. I felt like if I was given a body that could not carry babies I should have been given a heart that didn't desire it. I stopped going to church and even told my mom I didn't believe anymore. It wasn't until after my twins were born (I feel guilty not being able to say it was when my oldest son was born) that I started coming back to my faith. It was such a bad time in my heart i hate to think of all the anger and resentment I was carrying. I still have lingering questions and doubts but I am much better now

We went through a Christian adoption agency and they even had faith based infertility counseling because so many women struggle with faith and infertility. I felt guilty because sometimes I would answer their faith based questions the way I thought they wanted them to be answered. I felt like I was an undercover doubter and that at any minute someone would figure it out and kick us out of the agency. I know now that was only my skewed perception but I really felt that way at the time.

I think life in general is Faith rocking because you see bad things happening everyday, you see other people who are trying for a baby and not getting it whilst some people get pregnant and don't even want to keep the baby. Life in general doesnt follow any method that makes sense to the human mind. If you do believe in God or a higher power sometimes it helps you to accept the hard times but sometimes it makes it even harder.

@TheSwissWifeStyle: I am not necessarily thankful for what we suffered. But I would willingly do it all over again, every tear, every heartache, every moment of stress. I would suffer it all again if it meant I got to have my son in my life. If we weren't struggling I would not have gone to adoption and he would not be mine. I can't even imagine that.

this doesn't really answer your question but is still on topic of faith and infertility. for all of my adulthood i have been an atheist and i think my lack of faith made it almost easier to deal with infertility.

i understood that i wasn't being punished or that i wasn't being taught a lesson that i just couldn't see at the time. and every time a teenager in my family accidentally got knocked up (and there were quite a few during my 5 years of struggling to get pregnant) i didn't plead to god "why not me?! it's not fair"

in my opinion, infertility is random, there is no one to blame and knowing that helped me deal with my situation.

i think i saw a comment made by @Mrs. Jacks: that it made her sad when someone said something to the effect that "god gave them their children in his time..." and i completely agree. what does that mean for those that are never able to have children? were they not deserving? did god not see them fit to be parents?

i hope no one is offended by my opinion, especially since it really doesn't help anyone that is struggling with their faith but i just wanted to share my two cents!

@bluestriped bee: Yes I hear you. I suppose I have in what some people's eyes could be seen as a charmed life. (Aside from TTC issues.) And I really am SO thankful for the life I have. So then of course I deal with guilt when I'm like "Why me?" Or "Why Not Me", more accurately...Or if we really want to get into it, "Why her and not me?" I could go round and round in my head. But I think we really just need to give ourselves a break.

It's been rough, no lies.
While we've only been trying for six months, my cycles have been completely warped (3 chances to try) and I have, on occasions found myself in a downward spiral. It sounds super-terrible saying it out loud, but sometimes I wonder why God could take my mum from this earth two months after our wedding but giving me a baby when I want one is too much to ask.
In saying that, this journey has highlighted a couple of health issues that would have otherwise gone undetected so I guess there is a purpose.

@Mrs. Polish: I agree.

If has made my faith stronger. I feel like I can handle anything.

@bluestriped bee: I am also Catholic and greatly struggled with moving forward with IVF since the church is against it. Ultimately I made peace with it because God gave us this technology.

However, it's not easy to believe that everything necessarily happens for a reason when I work in an area where children are born to parents all the time who don't care enough about them.

@swedishfish: yeah, I'm not catholic, but Christian and I know people who would be against ivf. But we too thought it was an avenue that god allowed humanity to have. We also thought if god was against it, he wouldn't allow us to move forward with it. We now have over year old twins. And I know that god put them in our lives.

@tequiero21: It makes me feel like my struggle has to be a secret in a way still. The Church could refuse to baptize my baby if they find out...but then again I'd probably switch to a different type of church if that happened.