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Interesting and not surprising.

I read something similar before my LO was born, but that study had another part to it that was basically like, if the couple understood ahead of time that having kids would probably negatively affect their relationship and if they stayed pro-active about keeping it healthy, then those people didn't really see any decline in their marriage. So that was a little more positive.

I couldn't disagree with this article more. Having kids has been hard on our lives in so many ways, but not our relationship. In fact, it's made our marital bond even stronger because the respect we have for each other grows after tackling each new challenge together. We no longer argue over trivial things, I think because there is more trust and understanding than there was before. its both a result of being together for so long and working through the challenges of raising kids!

Rather than kids "ruining" your romantic relationship, I would argue that (1) thanks to Hollywood, our expectations of a romantic relationship are unreasonably high and (2) thanks to capitalism, the support available to parents is unreasonably low.

@Mama Bird: that's my experience, too.. I practically lived with my grandparents and great-aunt (they were next door neighbors and walking distance from our house). My parents always got "me" time. And had free sitters at their disposal.
I have no idea what that's like.

I think the titling is awful as pp said, but I think the content is relatable to a lot of people. I didn't know how hard things would be before having kids... Not sure how anyone would, but marriage takes work. Life has many changes and it's learning to adapt to it. For me too I suffered from ppd and that was really dampering our relationship. But once I was in a better mind and LO started sleeping trough the night things really turned around. If people are going to expect their relationship to be exactly the same as before kids then they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Every couple needs to find a new groove with each other once having kids.

We don't consume our time with talking only about LO. DH and I talk about current events, job, family, friends. We incorporate LO into the events that we already enjoyed doing together, so we aren't losing hobbies we had. Also, I think household items are split 50/50. We also call on family to babysit when we want a night out, which is a big help. It easy to not prioritize your partner when kids are around.

IDK, I think all long term relationships kind of lose some of the romance. Even without kids, life in the daily grind is not all romantic and wonderful all the time. There's still bills to pay and in-law issues and commuting and working and everything else. Relationships are work no matter what.

Right now life with kids has become the new normal. I barely remember what it was like pre-kids. I mean yeah, we had more freedom to go out at night or take spur of the moment trips. But it's not like we were doing those things every day. I like our life exactly the way it is. I'm still very much in love with DH, and having kids (so far) hasn't been detrimental to our relationship. But I guess we'll see when LO2 arrives this August .

"The course of true love runs downhill." Ugh. I hate that and totally disagree. I just had DS2 on Sunday, we had a high needs first child, we had two losses before that, and I spent a year recovering from a brain tumor, all in the 5 year span of our marriage. When we first got married we were also unemployed and flat broke. The course of our true love did not run downhill. We love each other more now than we did when we first got married because we didn't know yet the full depth of the other person that life would reveal to us. Parenthood is especially important in that regard - it peels back the layers of our onion and shows us real fast where our strengths and weaknesses are. And because there are little people who are getting influenced in the process, parenting should push us to work on improving ourselves and our relationships all the more. If revealing who your partner is under the duress of parenting leads to negative marital outcomes and decreased happiness, then I wonder if you really knew your partner and what love and marriage mean in the first place.

I get crabby at articles like this because they offer no solutions and just make people feel like having kids is this stupid endeavor women want for biological clock purposes and we are dragging men along who have to work harder to financially support the whole thing. It reinforces that BS about how childless people unfairly bear the brunt of supporting workers with kids, etc. etc. Having kids isn't some huge burden that ruins lives and annoys people at restaurants. We are becoming better adults and human beings by raising children, we are strengthening societal bonds and communities, and unless I have and raise responsible children, who is going to care for all you childless people in your old age? Your cat?

@ElbieKay: I like how you put it!

That being said, I don't know how my relationship with DH would survive if we hadn't been together 10+ years before having a kid! You need the trust, experience, ups and downs, and chill that only time can bring.